this is all i've got right now. ho hum.
1. i do nothing but work and poetry and netflix and shopping anymore. this is getting to be a problem.
2. has anyone seen Godards "A Woman is a Woman"? any thoughts? it's outrageously sexist, but did you enjoy it?
3. i gave myself one day in this long weekend in which i did absolutely nothing productive. and i watched all episodes of that show Transgeneration on Netflix. it's a documentary that follows four transgender college students. and it was pretty disappointing. so why did i watch the whole thing? because i totally despised 3 of the 4 characters when i started, and it made me feel like a bad person. but really, 3/4 of them sucked and somehow managed to be outrageously spoiled in spite of what they portrayed as their epic "journey". the only character i respected and liked faced the worst obstacles and made the least progress in terms of "transition"..... has anyone else seen this?
4. i am so happy to be back in school. it's all that matters. even though i wish i was in college again, taking a wider range of things . . .. . i can't understand the millions of people who view getting a "degree" as a chore. it's a dream.
5. on that note - i really can't handle growing up. the future is a blank, and i'm a third of the way through my twenties oh my fucking god.
6. regarding the San Francisco Bay Area . . . . i tell people that "it's great". i feel that i ought to like it. and it's objectively pleasant, it really is. lots of local pride and produce, temperate gorgeous weather, very distinct and interesting clumps of people, lots of famous stuff, people value health and still manage to have fun . . . .. but something about it does not work for me. i don't know what it is. i thought of several things, but none of them are that big a deal in themselves. it just doesn't really work. maybe i'll miss it. but i don't live here. i mean, i don't LIVE here. it doesn't drag me to my knees and shove my heart into my mouth like some other places do, and maybe that's really the problem. it's pleasant. it doesn't make any demands. i need someplace with tragedy. tragedy appeals to me. i know that's dumb. i'm trying to remember something that somebody said about the people to whom tragedy appeals . . . . . well, it's either the deepest of proles or the highest-pitched aristocrat, or something. who cares. but the bay area won't work. i woke up to the black rebel motorcycle's "not what you wanted" today and i had this revelation. yeah. this place just leaves me cold. wish it didn't. don't know why.