Bitter Song - The I-Don't-Give-a-Fuck Ballad
Have you ever looked at your position in life? Your age, your family, your job, friends, money, pets, everything and actually wrapped it all together, and were suddenly hit with the realization: This is not where I wanted to be...
When it hits you its like a ton of bricks in a burlap sack being carried by an evil troll who lives to knock the crap out of you. You count your blessings trying to fend the troll off and realize that living and breathing are all good and well, being able to walk and run are awesome, but you aren't doing any of that for a purpose that matters and that troll wollops you again. Then you're told time and time again, "It gets better with age."
Most of the time you want to look as outraged as you feel because thats what you've held onto the last five years, and scream "No it doesn't!"
At that point, its almost better just to slip on your boxing gloves and take a day off at the gym to turn their sandbags into glass sculptures with the sheer heat of your rage and the fury of your fists. No number of cute kitties, funny memes, hilarious accident photos and terribly dressed people of Walmart will help this kind of depression. Its not even something you want to confide in to someone else, because with everything you already have you feel guilty about wanting for more and not being satisfied with life. For those of you with parents that walked up a hill ten miles in the snow to the chopper that they parachuted out of to get to school, that feeling is so much stronger. What sucks about this, is that its a vicious circle that you've created for yourself, and everytime you vow to get out it sucks you back in by making that comeback part of its terrible circle.
And here you are stuck in the middle of the circle doing nothing but being an internet bum trying to fill your heart up with Jesus, booze, internet buddies, and noble thoughts about how you're doing all you can where your at, just letting the troll beat the ever living shit out of you. What makes you want to laugh like the Joker on Friday the 13th is that you realize that you can do more, and are aware that you're capable of so much, and you just aren't doing it because you don't think you can make it on your own, Considering the money it takes to actually make money, and the kind of people that are too kind to ask for money and help to get going on their dreams and goals just sit there in the doll drums for the rest of their lives because they know they are part of a worker bee system that needs workers.
Now that the troll has flattened you into a pancake with the hard logic contributed by your antagonistic brain, it really can't get any worse. You've completely irradicated your self-esteem, beaten your image to a pulp and there is really nothing you can do any worse at this point.
This is where shit gets interesting and starts going down.
Now that you are feeling like the scum of the earth and the laziest sack of crap you've ever met, fucks begin to fly out the doors, windows, and skylights like angels coming out of a church singing the Hallelujah Chorus: Its the lightest feeling you've ever experienced. It suddenly dawns on you that you can do no worse by your own standards, and that if it all crashes and burns you're better off anyway. Suddenly you're strutting like Leo off the set of Inception with no cares and your head firmly planted on your shoulders, giving bad news away like its sweet, sweet candy.
"Your puppy died of cholic. You weren't supposed to let it pee this early in its life in other dogs' yards."
"Your bill is late. Extra bajillian bucks on your bill for the late charge."
"This food is so crappy my sewer alligator wouldn't eat it."
"Do you wanna know how much I care about your ring? Zero. Enjoy married life once the honeymoon is over."
Being mean isn't necesarrily what it is - You're just telling it like it is and like life has been telling you it is. Its pretty shitty up until you just don't give a fuck anymore. Its the upswing of a fall, the flush after a shitty hand of nothing. The viscious circle that you're going to eventually build up on and fall back down to be shafted on over and over again. But in this moment, you are invincible, awesome, and if your car burned down in a terrible fire you just don't give a fuck. It could be worse, right?
When it hits you its like a ton of bricks in a burlap sack being carried by an evil troll who lives to knock the crap out of you. You count your blessings trying to fend the troll off and realize that living and breathing are all good and well, being able to walk and run are awesome, but you aren't doing any of that for a purpose that matters and that troll wollops you again. Then you're told time and time again, "It gets better with age."
Most of the time you want to look as outraged as you feel because thats what you've held onto the last five years, and scream "No it doesn't!"
At that point, its almost better just to slip on your boxing gloves and take a day off at the gym to turn their sandbags into glass sculptures with the sheer heat of your rage and the fury of your fists. No number of cute kitties, funny memes, hilarious accident photos and terribly dressed people of Walmart will help this kind of depression. Its not even something you want to confide in to someone else, because with everything you already have you feel guilty about wanting for more and not being satisfied with life. For those of you with parents that walked up a hill ten miles in the snow to the chopper that they parachuted out of to get to school, that feeling is so much stronger. What sucks about this, is that its a vicious circle that you've created for yourself, and everytime you vow to get out it sucks you back in by making that comeback part of its terrible circle.
And here you are stuck in the middle of the circle doing nothing but being an internet bum trying to fill your heart up with Jesus, booze, internet buddies, and noble thoughts about how you're doing all you can where your at, just letting the troll beat the ever living shit out of you. What makes you want to laugh like the Joker on Friday the 13th is that you realize that you can do more, and are aware that you're capable of so much, and you just aren't doing it because you don't think you can make it on your own, Considering the money it takes to actually make money, and the kind of people that are too kind to ask for money and help to get going on their dreams and goals just sit there in the doll drums for the rest of their lives because they know they are part of a worker bee system that needs workers.
Now that the troll has flattened you into a pancake with the hard logic contributed by your antagonistic brain, it really can't get any worse. You've completely irradicated your self-esteem, beaten your image to a pulp and there is really nothing you can do any worse at this point.
This is where shit gets interesting and starts going down.
Now that you are feeling like the scum of the earth and the laziest sack of crap you've ever met, fucks begin to fly out the doors, windows, and skylights like angels coming out of a church singing the Hallelujah Chorus: Its the lightest feeling you've ever experienced. It suddenly dawns on you that you can do no worse by your own standards, and that if it all crashes and burns you're better off anyway. Suddenly you're strutting like Leo off the set of Inception with no cares and your head firmly planted on your shoulders, giving bad news away like its sweet, sweet candy.
"Your puppy died of cholic. You weren't supposed to let it pee this early in its life in other dogs' yards."
"Your bill is late. Extra bajillian bucks on your bill for the late charge."
"This food is so crappy my sewer alligator wouldn't eat it."
"Do you wanna know how much I care about your ring? Zero. Enjoy married life once the honeymoon is over."
Being mean isn't necesarrily what it is - You're just telling it like it is and like life has been telling you it is. Its pretty shitty up until you just don't give a fuck anymore. Its the upswing of a fall, the flush after a shitty hand of nothing. The viscious circle that you're going to eventually build up on and fall back down to be shafted on over and over again. But in this moment, you are invincible, awesome, and if your car burned down in a terrible fire you just don't give a fuck. It could be worse, right?