You crossed my mind and my heart. | Jesse/Rachel fanfic.
Title: You crossed my mind and my heart.
Author: hypnotized_moon
Fandom: Glee
Characters/Pairing: Jesse/Rachel (Puck and Finn are also mentioned)
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Glee and its characters belongs to FOX and Ryan Murphy. I own nothing.
Spoilers/Warnings: One little spoiler, but I guess everybody knows that by now. ;)
Summary: Rachel wants to have inspiration for her unborn song, but instead she has a rather different feeling, after accidentally meeting that very person.
Notes: Yes, I got so excited by the spoilers, I had to write something. It just a story about how Rachel runs into Jesse, how she deals with her feelings for him.
Rachel had had this idea in her mind for months by now. She wanted to have a song; her own song. She was passionate about having something that belonged to her only. She had this amazing life, and she just wanted to share it. And although she had written her first song a few weeks ago, called ‘My headband’, it wasn’t enough. It didn’t have that emotional depth Rachel wanted to form into lyrics.
She was all alone in the house; her two dads left town for the weekend again. Rachel was grateful for it. All she wanted was to be left alone, because she needed to collect her thoughts. She was eager to finish her song by the weekend, even though she hadn’t even started it yet.
It was Friday afternoon, and she lay on her bed, watching the ceiling. She was waiting for some kind of inspiration, which didn’t seem to come. Nothing came to her mind. Not even a single thought. It made her anxious, so she decided to visit that music store, which she loved so much.
Being late spring, the sun was shining, and the weather was just fine, so instead of taking the bus, she went by foot. She was walking in the same, well-known streets. Nothing new came across her.
Maybe this is the problem. Maybe that is the reason for my lack of inspiration. I don’t have any new experiences, just the old ones, and they didn’t seem to be that interesting or motivating, she thought as she entered the music store.
The door closed behind her, and she just smelled that nice air that was typical around the musical instruments and those old CD-s, cassettes, thousands of sheet music... maybe she was the only one who felt it, but it always amazed her. She closed her eyes for a few moments and exhaled deeply. All her role models were there.
After she woke from the moment, she made a few steps ahead thinking about what should she do now. She had been sure that once she got there she would get that inspiration she needed, but still nothing.
As she was standing there, memories started filling her mind up. She saw that beautiful piano, and suddenly realized she was reaching thoughts she didn’t intend to - ones she had buried deep down in her mind, and also in her heart. But once it started she couldn’t stop herself.
She slowly stepped up to the piano, and softly touched the gentle instrument. Her heart started beating faster as she was sinking deeper and deeper in that very moment, when she first sang in the music store with... him. Rachel couldn’t bring herself to pronounce his name, even though it was just in her thoughts.
She turned away because she couldn’t bear this feeling that caught her, but something happened. She saw a man standing in front of her, but he was showing his back to her. She felt she was stuck to the ground; she wasn’t able to move her foot. She panicked.
Of course she immediately recognised the ‘mysterious’ young man; it was Jesse St. James. The one Jesse St. James. The one who had broken her heart. The one who had egged her in front of his team mates. The one who had told her he loved her.
Jesse was back in town... and it made Rachel run. She had to escape immediately. She tried to be invisible as she reached the door, the way to freedom, because she wasn’t ready meeting Jesse. She wasn’t sure if she would ever be ready for that after all those things happened. She opened the door as quietly as she could, but she had forgotten about the bell. The ringing was loud and the damage was already done: their eyes met for a second. Just for one tiny second but it somehow meant the whole world to them.
‘Rachel!’
She heard Jesse calling after her, but she ran away without looking back. She knew it wasn’t ladylike or anything, but she couldn’t care. All she needed was to get away from the music store as far as she could. Jesse didn’t follow her, but his voice echoed in her mind as she was running.
After Rachel reached her room, she threw herself at her bed. She suddenly felt something wet on her face. Tears. She cried herself to sleep.
*
A few hours later she woke up, feeling dizzy. For a moment she didn’t realize why she was crying, but then - of course - his face popped up in front of her.
What is happening to me? Why do I care that he’s back? He means nothing to me! Rachel was saying these sentences aloud, unconsciously. Although she was sure this little fact, that he was back, was going to change everything in her life.
She got all emotional, so she decided to run through the things she got from Jesse: CD-s, photos, texts, tickets, stuffed animals... All those months ago, when they broke up, Rachel collected everything that reminded her of Jesse, and hid them in their basement. Now she brought up them to her room. There were several photos of the two posing in different places (obviously, they were divas after all!). Rachel smiled; she remembered how much she enjoyed taking those photos. They really looked good together.
As she was sorting her memories, she realised she didn’t exactly know what happened to Jesse; why he was suddenly so cruel to her? She never really had the chance to think everything through, because right after the ‘egg accident’ she ran back to Finn. She didn’t want to be alone and she just wanted to forget that Jesse even existed, that’s why she got back together with Finn again. He was easy to be with at that time, so she soon buried everything in connection to Jesse in her mind.
Her iPod was set to shuffle, and as she was trying to find out why Jesse did what he did, Lady Antebellum’s Need You Know started playing. Rachel loved this song - she even sang it with Puck at Glee Club, just to make Finn jealous. Now she realised it wasn’t about Finn - not since she had met Jesse at the music store. She’d might wanted to hide her feelings for him, she’d might wanted to forget that their relationship happened, but she just didn’t have the strength to hold it together. She couldn’t deny anymore that he was perfect for her. He was her soul mate. They were so alike, and yet so different!
She opened her e-mails on her laptop, searching for something she had read only once. After Jesse left Ohio, he went to UCLA. A few months later he sent Rachel an e-mail, in which he told her about his life at the university. It was a friendly e-mail, but Rachel couldn’t reply to it.
Now, as she was reading it again, something warm filled her heart. She panicked for a moment, because she didn’t want to fall in love with Jesse again, but deep down in her heart she knew she had never completely forgotten him. But in the mean time, she still hated him for the things he had done to her. She wasn’t ready to forgive him.
She picked up her mobile and opened the contacts list. There was a growing desire in her heart to call Jesse, although she knew it wouldn’t be appropriate. She slowly pushed the buttons until she got to Jesse’s number and stared at it for a few moments.
Who knows, maybe it’s not his phone number anymore. Should I give it a go?
At this point she thought she had gone mad. She put her phone down and shook her head.
What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I think about forgiving him? Yes, Jesse’s back, but it doesn’t mean he wants anything from me. And if it was the case, how could he explain the things he has done? And why would he want me, when he can get any girl at the university? Maybe he’s just back for the Vocal Adrenaline; maybe they need his help. After all, he won the National Championship four times with the team. It might happen that Charice can’t handle the pressure, and Duncan decided to get Jesse back. I don’t know anything. I shouldn’t let my feelings taking control over me, because I’m the fabolous Rachel Berry, and I'm fine without a man in my life. And I couldn’t be any better without Jesse St. James. He would only bring me down... he can't cross my heart again.
I do not care about him!
Of course she wasn’t a seer, so she didn’t know what was waiting for her - that Jesse was planning to do everything in order to get her back.
Author: hypnotized_moon
Fandom: Glee
Characters/Pairing: Jesse/Rachel (Puck and Finn are also mentioned)
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Glee and its characters belongs to FOX and Ryan Murphy. I own nothing.
Spoilers/Warnings: One little spoiler, but I guess everybody knows that by now. ;)
Summary: Rachel wants to have inspiration for her unborn song, but instead she has a rather different feeling, after accidentally meeting that very person.
Notes: Yes, I got so excited by the spoilers, I had to write something. It just a story about how Rachel runs into Jesse, how she deals with her feelings for him.
Rachel had had this idea in her mind for months by now. She wanted to have a song; her own song. She was passionate about having something that belonged to her only. She had this amazing life, and she just wanted to share it. And although she had written her first song a few weeks ago, called ‘My headband’, it wasn’t enough. It didn’t have that emotional depth Rachel wanted to form into lyrics.
She was all alone in the house; her two dads left town for the weekend again. Rachel was grateful for it. All she wanted was to be left alone, because she needed to collect her thoughts. She was eager to finish her song by the weekend, even though she hadn’t even started it yet.
It was Friday afternoon, and she lay on her bed, watching the ceiling. She was waiting for some kind of inspiration, which didn’t seem to come. Nothing came to her mind. Not even a single thought. It made her anxious, so she decided to visit that music store, which she loved so much.
Being late spring, the sun was shining, and the weather was just fine, so instead of taking the bus, she went by foot. She was walking in the same, well-known streets. Nothing new came across her.
Maybe this is the problem. Maybe that is the reason for my lack of inspiration. I don’t have any new experiences, just the old ones, and they didn’t seem to be that interesting or motivating, she thought as she entered the music store.
The door closed behind her, and she just smelled that nice air that was typical around the musical instruments and those old CD-s, cassettes, thousands of sheet music... maybe she was the only one who felt it, but it always amazed her. She closed her eyes for a few moments and exhaled deeply. All her role models were there.
After she woke from the moment, she made a few steps ahead thinking about what should she do now. She had been sure that once she got there she would get that inspiration she needed, but still nothing.
As she was standing there, memories started filling her mind up. She saw that beautiful piano, and suddenly realized she was reaching thoughts she didn’t intend to - ones she had buried deep down in her mind, and also in her heart. But once it started she couldn’t stop herself.
She slowly stepped up to the piano, and softly touched the gentle instrument. Her heart started beating faster as she was sinking deeper and deeper in that very moment, when she first sang in the music store with... him. Rachel couldn’t bring herself to pronounce his name, even though it was just in her thoughts.
She turned away because she couldn’t bear this feeling that caught her, but something happened. She saw a man standing in front of her, but he was showing his back to her. She felt she was stuck to the ground; she wasn’t able to move her foot. She panicked.
Of course she immediately recognised the ‘mysterious’ young man; it was Jesse St. James. The one Jesse St. James. The one who had broken her heart. The one who had egged her in front of his team mates. The one who had told her he loved her.
Jesse was back in town... and it made Rachel run. She had to escape immediately. She tried to be invisible as she reached the door, the way to freedom, because she wasn’t ready meeting Jesse. She wasn’t sure if she would ever be ready for that after all those things happened. She opened the door as quietly as she could, but she had forgotten about the bell. The ringing was loud and the damage was already done: their eyes met for a second. Just for one tiny second but it somehow meant the whole world to them.
‘Rachel!’
She heard Jesse calling after her, but she ran away without looking back. She knew it wasn’t ladylike or anything, but she couldn’t care. All she needed was to get away from the music store as far as she could. Jesse didn’t follow her, but his voice echoed in her mind as she was running.
After Rachel reached her room, she threw herself at her bed. She suddenly felt something wet on her face. Tears. She cried herself to sleep.
*
A few hours later she woke up, feeling dizzy. For a moment she didn’t realize why she was crying, but then - of course - his face popped up in front of her.
What is happening to me? Why do I care that he’s back? He means nothing to me! Rachel was saying these sentences aloud, unconsciously. Although she was sure this little fact, that he was back, was going to change everything in her life.
She got all emotional, so she decided to run through the things she got from Jesse: CD-s, photos, texts, tickets, stuffed animals... All those months ago, when they broke up, Rachel collected everything that reminded her of Jesse, and hid them in their basement. Now she brought up them to her room. There were several photos of the two posing in different places (obviously, they were divas after all!). Rachel smiled; she remembered how much she enjoyed taking those photos. They really looked good together.
As she was sorting her memories, she realised she didn’t exactly know what happened to Jesse; why he was suddenly so cruel to her? She never really had the chance to think everything through, because right after the ‘egg accident’ she ran back to Finn. She didn’t want to be alone and she just wanted to forget that Jesse even existed, that’s why she got back together with Finn again. He was easy to be with at that time, so she soon buried everything in connection to Jesse in her mind.
Her iPod was set to shuffle, and as she was trying to find out why Jesse did what he did, Lady Antebellum’s Need You Know started playing. Rachel loved this song - she even sang it with Puck at Glee Club, just to make Finn jealous. Now she realised it wasn’t about Finn - not since she had met Jesse at the music store. She’d might wanted to hide her feelings for him, she’d might wanted to forget that their relationship happened, but she just didn’t have the strength to hold it together. She couldn’t deny anymore that he was perfect for her. He was her soul mate. They were so alike, and yet so different!
She opened her e-mails on her laptop, searching for something she had read only once. After Jesse left Ohio, he went to UCLA. A few months later he sent Rachel an e-mail, in which he told her about his life at the university. It was a friendly e-mail, but Rachel couldn’t reply to it.
Now, as she was reading it again, something warm filled her heart. She panicked for a moment, because she didn’t want to fall in love with Jesse again, but deep down in her heart she knew she had never completely forgotten him. But in the mean time, she still hated him for the things he had done to her. She wasn’t ready to forgive him.
She picked up her mobile and opened the contacts list. There was a growing desire in her heart to call Jesse, although she knew it wouldn’t be appropriate. She slowly pushed the buttons until she got to Jesse’s number and stared at it for a few moments.
Who knows, maybe it’s not his phone number anymore. Should I give it a go?
At this point she thought she had gone mad. She put her phone down and shook her head.
What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I think about forgiving him? Yes, Jesse’s back, but it doesn’t mean he wants anything from me. And if it was the case, how could he explain the things he has done? And why would he want me, when he can get any girl at the university? Maybe he’s just back for the Vocal Adrenaline; maybe they need his help. After all, he won the National Championship four times with the team. It might happen that Charice can’t handle the pressure, and Duncan decided to get Jesse back. I don’t know anything. I shouldn’t let my feelings taking control over me, because I’m the fabolous Rachel Berry, and I'm fine without a man in my life. And I couldn’t be any better without Jesse St. James. He would only bring me down... he can't cross my heart again.
I do not care about him!
Of course she wasn’t a seer, so she didn’t know what was waiting for her - that Jesse was planning to do everything in order to get her back.