The Cow Goes Neigh
Days Without
Overeating: 0
Caffeine: 2
Alcohol: 28
Marijuana: 16
I'm so tired, and I've only been awake for 8 1/2 hours. I got about 8 hours of sleep last night. I don't get it. I wore a pedometer today, and it said I walked 7,020 steps, so I got a good amount of walking done. I fell short of my goal of walking 10,000 steps, but I can probably reach that goal within a day or two. I just have to get a feel of how far I need to walk.
Perhaps it's caffeine withdrawal. Or perhaps not, since I was fine without it yesterday. I guess I'm not eating enough vegetables...or something. I started a new job today. I only worked for three hours, but I was exhausted after my shift ended. I think I'm just getting used to falling into a routine again. My body's resisting, but I can't just crawl into bed right now. I need to take a shower first. I'm going to see my grandma early tomorrow, so maybe I should get to bed early. But I don't have to wake up until 7 AM. Technically, I would have enough sleep if I went to bed at 11 PM. Gah!
I thought tapering off these medications would help improve my sleep patterns. I stopped taking Effexor two nights ago, and tonight is the last night I'm taking Seroquel. I could just be suffering withdrawals from these drugs. Or the overeating could be making me sleepy. I did chew six pieces of bubble gum while I was at work today. When the sugar left my system, my body started feeling tired. Yes, that is it!
Sugar is bad when chewed. I should have chewed my sugarless gum instead of the sugared gum my work provided. &%$#@!
I talked to my boy on the phone today. I haven't seen him in almost two weeks, so every time we talk on the phone, I ask when we can see each other again, and he keeps saying "I don't know." I got the feeling he was avoiding me, but I don't know why he would. I've become agiated whenever we talk on the phone. I'm feeling withdrawals from not seeing him. If that isn't codependency, then I don't know what is.
Well, he told me he's lost ten pounds in 12 days, and he feels like shit. He's been smoking weed nonstop, and he's done ecstasy twice in the space of two weeks. Yesterday, he took 2 1/2 hits. Now he's smoking cigarettes. He feels his life slipping farther and farther down the shithole, and he didn't want me to be around to see it. I cried when he gave me this barrage of information at once (codependency again). I swear, I only cry when I'm talking to him now. It doesn't make me want to stuff my face with food, though. It doesn't make me want to downspiral, because if I know if I try to escape, I'll only make my own problems worse.
I kept repeating to him "If you try and escape, you'll only make things worse for yourself." Drugs should not be his escape, just like food shouldn't be mine. We agreed to go out to dinner tomorrow evening. I want to see him, no matter what he looks like right now. I just want to hug him and tell him everything will be all right, as long as he does something about it. He can't expect his problems to fix themselves. After all, I had to finally take charge to see some improvement in my own life.
He says he loves me more than words can say. I miss him so much. I want my boy back. I want to live with him again. I want to make love to him again. I don't want to say that I feel incomplete without him, because I feel very much complete. I'm happy living my own life, but I know I don't want anyone else but him -- to marry, to have kids with. Someday. I know he can't get through this alone, though. I want to be there for him, but I can't fix his problems. He has to find the motivation to take charge of his life. But the drugs still are gripping him by the balls.
I would go for a walk now to relieve some stress, but I'm too tired. I think I'll take a long shower instead.
Overeating: 0
Caffeine: 2
Alcohol: 28
Marijuana: 16
I'm so tired, and I've only been awake for 8 1/2 hours. I got about 8 hours of sleep last night. I don't get it. I wore a pedometer today, and it said I walked 7,020 steps, so I got a good amount of walking done. I fell short of my goal of walking 10,000 steps, but I can probably reach that goal within a day or two. I just have to get a feel of how far I need to walk.
Perhaps it's caffeine withdrawal. Or perhaps not, since I was fine without it yesterday. I guess I'm not eating enough vegetables...or something. I started a new job today. I only worked for three hours, but I was exhausted after my shift ended. I think I'm just getting used to falling into a routine again. My body's resisting, but I can't just crawl into bed right now. I need to take a shower first. I'm going to see my grandma early tomorrow, so maybe I should get to bed early. But I don't have to wake up until 7 AM. Technically, I would have enough sleep if I went to bed at 11 PM. Gah!
I thought tapering off these medications would help improve my sleep patterns. I stopped taking Effexor two nights ago, and tonight is the last night I'm taking Seroquel. I could just be suffering withdrawals from these drugs. Or the overeating could be making me sleepy. I did chew six pieces of bubble gum while I was at work today. When the sugar left my system, my body started feeling tired. Yes, that is it!
Sugar is bad when chewed. I should have chewed my sugarless gum instead of the sugared gum my work provided. &%$#@!
I talked to my boy on the phone today. I haven't seen him in almost two weeks, so every time we talk on the phone, I ask when we can see each other again, and he keeps saying "I don't know." I got the feeling he was avoiding me, but I don't know why he would. I've become agiated whenever we talk on the phone. I'm feeling withdrawals from not seeing him. If that isn't codependency, then I don't know what is.
Well, he told me he's lost ten pounds in 12 days, and he feels like shit. He's been smoking weed nonstop, and he's done ecstasy twice in the space of two weeks. Yesterday, he took 2 1/2 hits. Now he's smoking cigarettes. He feels his life slipping farther and farther down the shithole, and he didn't want me to be around to see it. I cried when he gave me this barrage of information at once (codependency again). I swear, I only cry when I'm talking to him now. It doesn't make me want to stuff my face with food, though. It doesn't make me want to downspiral, because if I know if I try to escape, I'll only make my own problems worse.
I kept repeating to him "If you try and escape, you'll only make things worse for yourself." Drugs should not be his escape, just like food shouldn't be mine. We agreed to go out to dinner tomorrow evening. I want to see him, no matter what he looks like right now. I just want to hug him and tell him everything will be all right, as long as he does something about it. He can't expect his problems to fix themselves. After all, I had to finally take charge to see some improvement in my own life.
He says he loves me more than words can say. I miss him so much. I want my boy back. I want to live with him again. I want to make love to him again. I don't want to say that I feel incomplete without him, because I feel very much complete. I'm happy living my own life, but I know I don't want anyone else but him -- to marry, to have kids with. Someday. I know he can't get through this alone, though. I want to be there for him, but I can't fix his problems. He has to find the motivation to take charge of his life. But the drugs still are gripping him by the balls.
I would go for a walk now to relieve some stress, but I'm too tired. I think I'll take a long shower instead.