Team McBoom - a mcboomers fan fic
Warning it's long, but for sure worth it. haha. I divided them into parts.
Team McBoom
By Brianna
Part 1
This is the adventurous adventure of Team McBoomers, fans of McFly on the Jesse McCartney message board. Together they will succeed in demolishing the village cult of teenies - AKA the McFly Army, who claim to be an U.S. street team.
A far, far time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, twelve Mcboomers sat surfing the internet and spreading the McFly-disease to the Jesse boards. Bonded by a musical interest, they formed the McBoomers, or Team McBoomers. Each possessed a Mcboomer name and a special, magnificent power of which later would be used to help them defeat the McFly Army. There was Brianna (Tomgoesboom, with the power to change shape), Becca (Dannygoesboom, with the power to make people laugh and lose consciousness), Ashton (Harrygoesboom, with the power to do kung fu and num-chuck with drum sticks), Meredith (Dougiegoesboom, with the power to transform into a lizard), Liz (McFlygoesboom, with the power to call in a mob of girls to attack), Gina (Poyntgoesboom, with the power to distract with cuteness), Jessrah (Bournegoesboom, with the power to transform into a sick puppy), Lindsay (Jamesgoesboom, with the power to kick ass Michael Jackson style), Tina (the Unknowngoesboom, with the power to become invisible), Angelica (Juddgoesboom, with the power to milk a goat), Becky (Fletchergoesboom, with the power to disguise herself and as other people), and Stacey (Jessegoesboom, with the power to take hits and blocks while confusing opponents about sexuality). The McBoomers team lives a usually leisurely life in their secret lair, and they leave to kick ass and this time the ass is personal; they’re going to kick the McFly Army’s ass and then have a fiesta with Derek, JTT and some chocolate.
Our adventure begins with three of our heroes working on a website for McFly (cheap-nylon.net) when suddenly the most catastrophic thing happened; Liz resigned! The reason is because of every McFly fan’s enemy - the bitch-tacious cult of teenies, the McFly Army. The team was left in misery and anger as random attacks started bombing their decoy hide out - the Jesse McCartney message board. Heavens knows what would have happened had the real lair been bombed or discovered!
With announcing she was leaving, Becca and Ashton wished her well despite wanting to num-chuck her face or launch her out of a canon, but they were professional about it. Unlike some others who decided to not-secretively spy on the McBoomers on the Jesse boards. Here, the hills don’t have eyes, but the Jesse pictures do - and they move, too! Liz hung up her McFlygoesboom costume and shed a tear goodbye to her powers of massive girl attack. She packed her few belongings in a bandana, tied it to a stick and left to rarely be seen again.
“Holy butt wipes!” exclaimed Gina the following Sunday when McSecrets was posted. It was like vandalism to a field of roses; it was the coldness in Death Valley; it was like sun-burn on the butt; it was an attack against two of the members of Team McBoom. Though it didn’t display their names, it was a bash about their website and a ooze of joy for Liz leaving. Becca and Ashton were furious, num-chucking and laughing people unconscious left and right as they hurried down the New York streets distracted to track down the poster of the secret.
“Cunt.” “Cuunnts!” “Bitches!” “Cunt-faced biatches” “Bitch-faced cunts!” “Cunt bitch dog food face!” Comments like those rose like a wave and splattered across the computer screen.
“Who could it be?” Meredith asked.
“What does it mean?” Brianna also asked. The whole McBoomer team was gathering to solve this international crime.
“I think it was the McFly Army,” Ashton declared, moving her hand to the safety of her drumstick num-chucks.
“Who are they?” Lindsay questioned.
“People who need lives,” Angelica rolled her eyes as she milked herself a glass of fresh goat milk.
“I picture them as a cult of teenies in I <3 McFly shirts, pigtails and hick teeth,” Brianna thought allowed, pondering what the Army was and how they were responsible for the attacks.
“Angelica’s right,” Gina replied.
“So who are they exactly?” Jessrah asked.
“They were the ones who forced Liz to chose between us and them,” Becca informed everyone.
“She obviously chose them,” Becky bitterly interrupted, and then Becca and Ashton went back to exploiting the details of the McFly army, a group of mainly girl McFly fans who formed a street team called the Army.
“Gawd, they’re so lame,” Tina announced once all the Army stories were told.
“Oh, and one more thing,” Ashton spoke. “They’re spying on us.”
“What?! They are?” Gina asked with a laugh.
“Oh snap!” Mere yelled, “look!” She pointed to the giant computer screen where Jesse’s eyes moved with their moves.
“Ahhhhhhhhhh!” they all yelled at the creepiness of the situation. For starters, they were being internet-stalked and secondly, Jesse’s eyes were moving, he was eyeing and checking them out.
“Told ya they’re people who need lives,” Angelica slammed her empty goat-milk glass on the large oak table that the McBoomers sat around.
“What’s more frightening? The fact that they’re stalking us, or the fact that Jesse just winked at me?” Becky slowly turned her chair to avoid being visible to Jesse.
Half said winking, half said stalking; little did they know that this was only the beginning of a long, adventurous journey.
The next few days, Army members patrolled the Jesse boards to attempt to defend their ground that the McBoomers mocked joyously.
“How many Army members does it take to mod a message board?” Tina chuckled one of the first of very many jokes. No one knew the answer. “All; because they’re all mods.” Despite her joke not being ha-ha-funny, everyone laughed because it was a literal joke. They really do all mod.
“Why did the Army member cross the road?” Jessrah continued the jokes.
“Why?” they asked, preparing to laugh.
“Because McFly was on the other side,” she replied.
“And why didn’t that Army member make it across?” Becca quickly thought of a joke.
“Why?” they begged.
“She should have looked both ways. Because she got ran over by a car,” they all rolled with laughter. Unfortunately, they all fell unconscious, too, because of Becca’s powers. “Damn it, no one ever lasts through my jokes.”
Part 2
“Oh bitch snap and a half,” Meredith warned the group who were beginning to decorate for their fiesta with a bunch of cute boys and chocolate.
“The Army wants a war!” Stacey spazzed, sending drool flying out of her mouth.
“How attractive,” Becky murmured.
“Tell me why we rescued her from being turned into a dog?” Gina whined.
“’Cause she’d be a female bitch,” Brianna said.
“And we have enough bitches in the world,” Ashton was beginning to feel the pressure of war.
“Plus the female bitch is only part true,” Tina slyly smiled. “She’s not a female.”
“Nor a bitch,” Jessrah laughed. “She’s more like a non-bitch male.”
“Rodger that,” Stacey saluted them in a gay-man-ish manner.
“Uh, hello, there’s a war,” Angelica was up near THE door that led to THE secret hallway that led to THE closet which contained their secret identity costumes.
“Let’s McBoom” Brianna spun her chair around and went to stand behind Angelica who had her finger hovering and ready to push THE button to THE door.
“Let’s McBoom this bitch,” Becca gave the rock on sign and all the McBoomers stood in front of THE door.
After a countdown of “5. 4. 3. 2… 1.” Angelica pushed THE button and THE door opened its doors. In Beatles fashion, they walked in a straight line down THE hallway to the tune of Beatles music. THE hallway contained pictures of their fore-fathers - themselves and McFly, since without them the McBoomers never would have formed.
Lindsay was the first to enter THE closet which was the size of four double-decker buses and as located conveniently next to THE McBoom-mobile. She went to her closet, as did the others, and they put on their costumes. A non-tacky, sparkly red jacket, McBoom logo spandex t-shirt, black yoga pants and a pair of moon walking shoes later, Lindsay, AKA Jamesgoesboom, was ready to kick ass Michael Jackson style. A copy of Batman’s costume and a doughnut later, Brianna, AKA Tomgoesboom, was ready to change shape. With a decent shower, a little nip-ige, and boxers showing, Gina, AKA Poyntgoesboom, transformed into Dougie and was ready to distract the Army with cuteness. Angelica, AKA Juddgoesboom, put on her favorite ninja turtle costume, attached a goat to her shell and was ready to milk down the Army. After eating nothing, combing her perm, and playing in the ran, Jessrah, AKA Bournegoesboom, transformed into a sick puppy with powers to spread disease and puke on people’s shoes. Fixing a fo-hawk and wearing her best plaid shirt, Ashton, AKA Harrygoesboom, transformed into Harry, stuffed her drumsticks in her shirt pocket, pants pocket and butt pocket and was ready to num-chuck any enemy in her way. Tina, AKA the Unknownmcboom, placed some blemish-invisible crème on her checks, disappeared, and was ready to go, after depantsing Stacey of course. Stacey, AKA Jessegoesboom, spent an hour at the mirror fixing her Jesse-body. The hair was too neat and not enough messy and she couldn’t get her collar to pop just right. Even so, she was eventually ready to go and take and block hits while confusing opponents of her sexuality. Becca, AKA Dannygoesboom, transformed into Danny with a rip of a fart and a joke and was ready to joke opponents unconscious. Meredith, AKA Dougiegoesboom, changed her water, shined her scales and transformed into a lizard. Finally, after eight make-up re-dos, 15 costume changes, Becky came out disguised as Liz - all apart of her brilliant plan of getting the Army to think she really is Liz so they don’t attack her and to try and learn their secrets. They were all ready; except Liz, whose costume of McFly gear was hung on its hanger still.
After costume changes, they prepared for combat; locking and loading the machine guns, furling the tanks, adding speed to the McBoom-mobile, changing the tires, and arranging plans of attack. The plan, though not in complete detail or much detail, was to go to the livejournal database, commute to the Army head quarters and attack at dawn on Monday - still a days time away.
Inside the McBoom-mobile, everyone took their seat comfortably and strapped on their seatbelts for dear life. “Uh, Stacey, what are you doing?” Brianna pulled the strap of the belt causing her to half-choke. “No one drives the mobile but me.” Stacey frowned, undid her seat belt and moved to the only other open seat in the very back where it’s very noisy and rocky. Brianna was able to hear her mumble “unfair dodgy hoe,” which only made her decide to use astro-blast.
“You sure about this?” Becca pointed to the astro-blast button that was covered like a fire alarm and read ‘in case of emergency’ in 10 different languages, including lizard, ebonics, brail, teenie and stupid.
Brianna cocked her head, raise an eyebrow and said, “just do it.”
Bodies were thrown up against their seat as the McBoom-mobile raced at 150 MPH and gaining. If you’ve ever heard the faster, daddy, faster joke, you can imagine the girls’ faces being pulled back with such a force that they can’t move and the thought ‘slower, daddy, slower’ yelling in their minds. Far in the back, a certain someone was so paralyzed with speed that droll was lotion-ing her face and one might have thought she peed her pants.
“Ew, what’s that smell?” Angelica became used to the speed, but not used to the icky smell.
“Don’t look at me,” Jessrah barked, literally.
Gina sniffed the air, “smells like someone peed.”
In unison, and slow motion, Becky, Tina, Meredith and Ashton turned their heads, “Staceyyyy!” They all dragged her name out in a laughing manner while still showing anger.
“You’d think she would have learned after the first nine times how to control herself,” Lindsay hung up an air freshener that they kept in the mobile for accidents like these.
“You’d think we’d learn not to bring her,” Jessrah chuckle-hissed under her breath.
After driving in astro-blast mode for three hours at 300 MPH, they slowed down to normal and entered the New York City highway.
“Geez, 60 feels so slow. I swear a turtle just passed us,” Becca tried to accommodate with the new speed at which our travelers were traveling.
“Let’s see you walk and keep up with us,” Ashton smirked, joining Brianna and Becca in the cockpit, which was curtained off from the back seaters.
“Well excuse me for liking speed.”
“You don’t like speed in bed,” Brianna chuckled.
“No girl - or anyone- does.”
“Unless your Adam Sandler in Click!” one of the girls yelled from the back.
“Or Harry the three-minuter!” another one yelled.
“Is the intercom on?”
“Yes!” the back seaters responded by yelling at the top of their lungs.
“Oops,” Brianna pushed ‘off’ on the intercom and set the car to auto-control drive so she could relax a bit. They were nearly at their destination of livejournal headquarters, and after that they’d cyber-cruise to the McFly Army headquarters for the war of the year, decade and century. The war would go down in history and be made into a Pulitzer-prize winning novel and then an eighteen time award-winning feature film. (Becky was thrilled to learn she’d be played by Austin Powers who finally caught up with the generation, learned that he was really a she and got mega hot. Stacey was played by Ryan Secrest, who barely beat Lance Bass for the part. He cried when he heard he lost out; he really wanted the part to make up for not going into space.) It’d even be translated in up to 500 languages and sell over 60-million copies once on DVD, grossing an overall income over 2-trillion dollars.
As nervous as they all were with nervousness and excitement, they forced lunch into their mouths and stomachs. Their peanut butter sandwiches acted as glue and clenches nervous-chattering teeth together. Milk relaxed and calmed their throats. Time seemed to be moving so slow, with anticipations running through their veins like a baby crying wild on a train or a 8 year old with money at a candy store. Despite time moving at turtle’s pace, they all finished their forced lunches rather quickly, especially considering the glue-like peanut butter. After wiping the final crumb of oreo off her face, Stacey took everyone’s trash to throw it away in the trash can place oh-so conveniently next to her seat.
“Headquarters is three blocks up the road,” Becca announced as the mobile slowed down for a red light. Brianna turned off automatic-control and let Ashton take over driving since she had asked to.
The streets were filled with people who looked busy and totally unaware that a war would be beginning in about five hours time. (Thankfully, none were hurt in the war, except the Army and their dignity.)
Ashton pulled into a parking spot in the lot across from livejournal headquarters. Surprisingly, the lot was rather empty, indicating that it was one o’clock and lunch break. This would make it easier to get inside and surf to the Army headquarters. If they hurried, they’d be able to win the war by 10 and be home in time for milk and cookies at Becky’s Grandmother’s house which is a mile away from the Army headquarters.
Trying to look as discrete as possible, they walked in three small groups into livejounral. They instantly looking pixel-ized and couldn’t help laughing at their current state. Taking control, Gina asked for the Army’s page. “Can we be linked to the McFly Army please?”
“Just one moment,” Slaur the dinosaur-crossed-goat security said as she multitasked answering phones, linking, chewing gum and faxing. “Alright, elevator one, level four, door eight and desk #689 is your computer. Enjoy your stay ma’m. Ma’ms.”
When they walked away, Jessrah muttered, “easier than I would’ve expected.”
“Just need the right connections,” Meredith went to pop her collar but then realized that she didn’t have one to pop as she was in her costume, which made her transform into a lizard. Stacey popped her own collar to make up for Meredith not being able to pop hers - it didn’t work. Everyone snickered at her and her semi-damp pants from what happened in the mobile.
“What? What’s so funny?”
“Oh nothing,” Tina laughed and using her special powers, she depantsed Stacey who had no clue it happened. “Nothing at all.”
The elevator reaches its destination, level four. The girls reached door number eight. They reached desk number 689. It was almost go time. Once they all log in, they would shoot off into cyber space for the war they knew they were going to win. Still, butterflies races in their stomachs like two reproducing bunnies.
“Are you guys ready?” Lindsay asked approaching the computer.
“Ready if you are,” Becky said.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Stacey spoke nervously, pants still down around her ankles. “Anyone feel a draft?”
“For the love of James Bourne, pull up your damn pants,” Jessrah wailed pointing to Stacey’s stained white-tighties. She looked down embarrassed, quickly picked them up and said nothing more.
“On the count of five, everyone grab a hold of everyone so we all get transported,” Becca demanded to the nervous girls.
“Five. Four. Three. Two.” Brianna counted.
“One!” Everyone yelled grabbing tightly to each other as the lights flickered off leaving them in a silent, dark vortex.
“When Becca said grab, she didn’t mean my boobs,” Ashton said annoyed. Three hands then moved locations on her body. “Or my butt.” A hand again removed itself. “Touch me any where inappropriate again and I’ll disarm you with a num-chuck.” The hand then rested on her elbow, “much better.”
The unsettling darkness soon became a vortex of swirling colors of the rainbow, Internet windows passed them by as they acted like shops trying to sell people stuff. Signs read ‘best Britney Spears porn site’ ‘all your purse knock-offs’ and ‘ebay your life.’
“Ohh, I want to go to that website,” Angelica pointed to the one about Michael who plays Derek on Life with Derek.
“Me too,” Gina, Tina and Brianna added comment.
“We’re on a mission, later,” Lindsay slapped their arms away from reaching towards the website.
“Fun ruiner,” Tina coyly smiled.
“You will be at your destination in thirty seconds,” a chain-smoker’s voice came over the intercom.
“Oh my gah, here we go,” Meredith squealed.
The gravity’s force began to pull them apart, the lights flickered, and wind blew heavily in their faces. Finally they tumbled and tossed to the ground of the McFly Army headquarters with the boom of a guitar strum.
“Our entrance wasn’t obvious,” Brianna muttered, standing up to face three enemy guards. As they surrounded Brianna, the McBoomers surrounded the guards and more Army members surrounded the McBoomers.
“Aw shit,” Becky stomped her foot and in doing so, caused her disguise to take affect.
“Liz, what are you doing?” Yazara, an Army member, lowered her gun aim.
“I don’t know,” Becky tested her Liz voice which matched perfectly.
“Igumabababah, take Liz to safety,” Yazara demanded to a big, husky, hairy guard, who looked like a cross of a muscular gorilla and a girl. Becky made a disgusted face as a finger the size of a banana began to wrap around her. Was this disguise worth the yuckiness? Would our young hero give herself away? Would the gorilla girl know the difference? Would our young heroes plan work?
Adrenaline rushed to their brains, causing one of them to go insane and bust some Michael Jackson moves on the main Army Leaders - Yazara, Juawanna, Tootsie and Imafuknidiot. Like the fizz exploding out of a shaken soda pop can, the Army leaders flew to the ground with the pain of being trampled by a herd of elephants.
Rushing in like a crow of bats, Army and McBoomers attacked each other. This was it; this was war. McBoomers took control of their advantages; bullet-proof costumes with powers and having the Army leaders knocked out…. For the time being anyways. The Army only had water guns and Cher-like outfits, plus their annoying teenie talk.
“Eye want u 2 a tac McBm.”
“Lyke lol, me 2!1!” Not being able to stand anymore of their talk, Gina distracted them with cuteness while Ashton chucked her drumsticks at them from behind, kicking them out cold.
Meanwhile, Meredith, Becca, and Angelica were holding off a new batch of freshly-baked teenies. Angelica unleashed her goat off her back and neutered it dry of milk. As milk splashed their faces and soaked them to chills, Becca was telling jokes that knocked them and froze them to a near death. Any that did not freeze, Meredith bit with her sharp lizard teeth and they’d run away crying like a baby.
Meanwhile, Jessrah, Stacey and Tina worked to kick ass together. As Stacey confused everyone of her sexuality, Jessrah ran and bit everyone, spreading a tenacious disease. Tina, being invisible, pushed, shoved and tripped them as she built a barricade of teenies in front of the elevator to prevent any more Army fighters from joining the war. Despite being out numbered by at least 500, the McBoomers were creaming the Army with a whipping.
Meanwhile, Brianna and Lindsay took on everyone they possibly could. Brianna changed shapes so that no water from their guns could hit her - although it was harmless, but the McBoomers could take no chances. Between doing “thriller” kicks, Lindsay moon walked out of target.
Meanwhile, Becky, disguised as Liz, was learning all the secrets of the Army from another leader -Dykenmof. “Wasn’t it so funny when we were cut out Jesse’s eyes on the JMac MB and spied and they had no idea!” She laughed as if someone did something funny. Becky turned on a switch in her ear that translated Dykenmof’s teenie talk so that “Doogieh iz so0 hawt!123!i” would sound like “Dougie is so hot!” and it made everything understandable. “And those McBoomers think they’re so cool, just like those Team Cool and Team Too Cool teams, but forget them; we are the coolest.” She bored Becky to death with her random junk she told. Had her boringness been a power, Becky would have been dead ages ago. “We hit preparation H tablets in baking flour so that one of the McBoom grandmas would but it and feed it to a McBoomer, assuming they survive the war because we’re totally going to win. I mean, come on, we an Army. We out number them by at least 1,000 in total al though some members won’t log on to fight. Damn tree-hippie huggers.” Becky smirked to herself, knowing her team was kicking ass and knew she had to keep distracting Dykenmof to make sure she didn’t bring out her special weapon. Superman’s evil and hotter twin brother, Tuperman would do anything for the person that sets him free. If only I could figure out how to activate him, Becky thought.
Back down in the fighting world. Army members were falling like hail to a car; quickly and loudly. When only a few remained, the unthinkable happened. Faginahed stood up with a loaded pistol in her rodent hand. Her hand matched her rodent face, body & personality. As if in slow motion, she aimed her gun at Becca who was taking out the most Army people. “Wahhhh attttccccchhhh oooouuuuutttttt!” An inch away, Stacey dove in front of Becca, taking the shot like a straight man jumping for a sexy threesome. The gayness-confusion that made up Stacey’s flabby-blocking costume shot the pistol back at Faginahed, which took her out of the war for good. (Of course no real people were hurt during the filming of this movie. Hello, this is internet fighting. Emotionally is the only real pain that happens, if you’re lame like that.) Her face pixil-ized, then she disappeared into cyber space and was locked out of the Army - plus how would she be able to get in? She’s knocked out. And knocked up.
An hour past and the war was still going strong even as the McBoomers were beginning to grow tired. Becca’s mouth and cheeks were sore from all the laughing, smiling, giggling and chuckling. Angelica’s fingers were pruned from the dripping goat milk, of which her goat was losing fuel, as were her sore pruny fingers. All of Lindsay’s crazy dance moves caused her to break the heel of one of her shoes; plus it was tiring dancing hardcore for an hour straight. Being a sick dog made Jessrah drowsy so she wasn’t performing up to par. Brianna was so out of shape after transforming; she looked like the thinner Fat Bastard with a vagina-neck. Tina occasionally reappeared into site as she was slowly losing strength. Ashton’s num-chucks were deteriorating from so much use and her drum sticks were all broken in pieces from hardcore fighting. Gina was one f the few with an energy tank of basically full; being cute was not hard, especially when you look like Dougie. Becky grew extremely bored from Dykenmof’s boring talk to their boring plans that were made up by the boringest person. Meredith was super sleepy for she is a lizard and lizards are nocturnal which means it was past her bedtime.
However, even as tired as they were, they could still kick ass; plus the Army, too, were growing tired. Being hyper-teenies who run on sugar had burned their sugar level dry and made them not hyper and unable to fight - not to get confused with the fact that they could fight because they couldn’t, but they sucked even more at fighting sucky.
“Who are you talking to?” Liz, the real one, said as entered the room where Dykenmof was talking to Becky-as-Liz from under a cucumber mask.
“Uh, you, silly,” she responded, lifting up an cucumber expecting to see Liz lying next to her, but she was at the door and there was someone odd sitting next to her; Becky had transformed into a teenie servant. “Why are you over there? And servant girl, who gave you permission to sit in my grace?”
“Because I just peed….?” Liz unsurely answered, bewildered at her leader’s behavior. “Are you alright?”
“Of course; we’re totally killing those dumb ass McBoomers!” she smiled proudly, exposing her snaggle tooth. “Come sit,” she patted the seat in which Becky-the-teenie-servant had been sitting in but moved when Dykenmof hissed at her. “Here, relax,” she handed Liz two cucumbers. “Pakickula,” she said to Becky-the-servant, choosing the name of the servant she thought should be serving her, “get us some snacks and make it snappy. We’ve got plans to finish discussing and talking on an empty stomach isn’t good for your health.”
“What plans were we discussing?” Liz asked confused as she lay the cucumbers upon her eyes.
“Tuperman, duh. Hey Pakickula, get our damn food!” Becky had been distracted listening and was praying that they wouldn’t discover that a fake Liz had been in the room. “You deaf or something?”
“No, sorry,” she did her best british teenie accent and slowly made her way to the door.
“What’s Tuperman?” Oh shit screamed in Becky’s head as her body froze as she began to close the door.
“We’ve trained you well,” was the last clean thing Becky heard before closing the door. She then canceled her ear to the door to try and hear what was going on. Their voices were extremely muffled. “Never act like you know a thing,” she chuckled.
“Right,” Liz said, though she was still beyond not sure what was going on.
“Hey,” a voice echoed down the hall to Becky-the-servant. Two Army members were coming towards her and there was no where to hide or anywhere to run. “Whatchu doin’?”
“I’m getting snacks but forgot where the kitchen is so I was going to ask, and I was listening to make sure I wasn’t barging in,” she quickly though up a lie and gave a convincing innocent smile.
“Oh, let us show, mate,” they smiled and led her the way. “Remember to not open the can of oreo’s.”
“Why not?”
Both shot her a suspicious look. “Tuperman,” the first guard whispered.
“Ohh yeah,” Becky-the-servant played along. “I hear they were going to change the location….”
Part 3
Another hour had past and the McBoomers were booming better than ever. Remembering that they had a fiesta to look forward to, as well as cookies, and that water is a great refresher, they boosted up their energy.
Speed of light moves helped them demolish another 100 Army-ers, moving the total knockout number to around 1000. Only another 50 or so to go till the Army would be conquered. Of those 50, 3 were leaders, and one of them was Dykenmof. Thirty of them were newbies trying to catch action in the war, and the remaining were just other members.
With swift moves and good timing, they could complete their task of taking down the Army in thirty minutes exact, meaning 30 teenies per minute, but it’d really be easier than that. They could easily do 30 teenies in 15 minutes because they’re so inexperienced, but no one would want the teenies any other way. If they were any different, they wouldn’t be so easy to push around.
Teenies, all so inexperienced and scared, tired to hide behind each other which clustered them in a ground and they barricaded themselves into a corner. Meredith decided the time was right to unleash her secret weapon; she turned around, cranked up her tail and unleashed a toxic fart. This made the teenie orgy fall to the ground, riding of them in fifteen seconds flat.
From taking them out and the other remaining members, they moved onto the leaders; Dykenmof, Wangchung and !luvt0Md@nNyd0ug!3haRRy4lyf3!1 (or ilovemcfly for short) One stood in a corner scared, one was running and one was lounging on an indoor yacht thinking that they were winning the war.
“Let’s split up,” Ashton called out orders. “Gina, Becca with me. Jessrah, Stacey, Meredith and Lindsay chase after ilovemcfly. Brianna, Tina, Angelica find Becky.
“What about Dykenmof?” Gina asked.
“We’ll take her down in twenty minutes, so accomplish your tasks quickly and met outside Dykenmof’s office,” Ashton replied. The groups split and went their different directions; Ashton’s to the corner, Jessrah’s to the escape pod and Brianna’s up the stairs.
Gina started off the beating by trying to appear friendly which would distract Wangchung as Ashton weakened her with a surprise attack of drum sticks to the weak spots; head, neck, stomach and crotch. After stage one, Becca finished her off with the deadliest types of jokes; a fart joke that makes you laugh and gag as if someone had released a nuclear fart.
Back in the escape pod tunnel, everyone road on Jessrah’s back as she ran as if she were chasing a meat truck. Lindsay shined her shoes knowing Wangchung would be tougher than a teenie. She knew the rules and how to play like a bad-ass bitch, something teenies fail to be educated on, so she’d be stronger and wiser to the McBoomer attacks. Meredith geared up to use her secret farting weapon again by eating beans as Stacey practiced her gay act, which didn’t require much practice, or acting for that matter. As Jessrah chased after Wangchung-the-meat-truck, Wangchung lost her breathe, but not for long as a dog neared her bones. The McBoomers were erupting her escape plans. Flying off Jessrah’s back, Lindsay’s heel stuck Wangchung’s stomach in a thriller sort of fashion. Clutching her stomach, she was unaware of Jessrah biting her ankles, spreading disease and Meredith letting out miniature-but-deadly farts. Stacey did nothing, except lead the return out of the escape pod.
Up 30 floors, the war was about to get reheated. Bursting the doors in CIA fashion, Agent 003.2 grunted, “we’re losing the war!”
Dykenmof spit her cranberry juice ice tea, and she spit it on Liz. “Ew,” Liz murmured but barely reacted. She had chose them, right? She thought.
“What the double-you fuck do you mean?” she spazzed.
“Over three fourths of the Army is unconscious.”
“Get Tuperman,” She stormed out heading for the kitchen.
Part 4
“Becky! This is war, not a time to be eating,” Brianna laughed as they burst in on Becky-the-servant.
“Turkish delight anyone?” she smiled, fake offering them a poisoned treat.
“What are you doing?” Tina asked curious, looking around at the numerous desserts Becky had baked. Just then red sirens flashed and an alarm sounded.
“Grab the oreos!” Becky yelled, dropping her treats she had slaved over for so long.
“What?” Angelica looked confused.
“Just do it!” Becky demanded. This time, Angelica did as she was told, grabbed the oreos and the four heroes ran for their lives.
Leaving the kitchen, back-up security Army members were heard marching down the hall towards them. Tina grabbed a hold of the girls, removing them from physical view. Once the Army cunts reached them, they had no clue they were there or had been there.
meanwhile...
“Where are the others?” Becca yelled at the others as Jessrah, Stacey, Meredith and Lindsay exited the portal of escape. Their ears rand like a crying baby for the portal made everything louder.
“Haven’t they found Becky?” Gina worriedly panicked about her friend who could possibly be in grave danger. “Oh shit,” she imagined the horrors that could be bestowing upon her friend.
“Let’s move,” Lindsay pushed on for the race against tine. Although time really had nothing do with what they wanted to accomplish, they had to find the others and Dykenmof -who was wither plotting revenge or escaping & later plotting revenge. Plus the Army would be after their asses like horny men.
Part 5
“Tuperman is gone,” Army member no. 003890031246679 reported spazztically over the radio transmitter to Dykenmof who prepared leisurely for the battle in her triple-king-size closet. Hearing this sent a shiver down her hunch-back spine.
No one messes with me, she thought. “If it’s a war they want, it’s a war they’ll get,” she pulled on her black glove. “This is war.” Her leisure preparation picked up speed and within two minutes she was in the zone to kill.
“No prisoners,” she said back on her radio transmitter.
“Hm, guess that means we’re off duty then,” Army member no. 00008039521397 thought aloud to the other, and oddly, they all agreed. As they’re aren’t into killing, especially when they don’t have killing weapons, and the fact that it’s no prisoners, they figured no point in fighting, especially since they already knew they’d lose. Now, Dykenmof was left with three fighters to help her; Liz (who is disqualified because Dykenmof refused to let her fight and get injured - she has favoritism towards her because of the whole cheap-nylon fiasco) and two suck-up teenies, who are mega dweeb nerds that piss their pants more than Stacey.
meanwhile...
After the Army evacuated the kitchen area, Tina released them into site and they set off to find the others with Tuperman hidden with them. However, Tina held Tuperman invisible so that if they did come upon any Army people, they would not see it.
It didn’t take Angelica, Becky, Tina and Brianna long to find the others; they were the only ones left in Army headquarters excluding Dykenmof and her mini posse.
“Where the hell have ya been?!” Meredith greeted them on the 8th floor as the doors opened on the elevator exposing Angelica, Becky, Brianna and Tina to classical music.
“You’re alive!” Gina yelled and smiled at Becky. She couldn’t imagine life without Becky had all those horrible things she imagined came true.
“And you smell,” Becky smiled over gagging at whichever of the McBoomers has passed gas.
“Not I,” Jessrah wagged her tail.
“Me either,” Meredith shook her head in disgust. And it was true it was neither of them for it had been, they’d all be unconscious but they were all standing.
“Stacey,” Lindsay half turned to her knowing that it had to be the least decent one of them with no manners.
“Whoever smelt it, dealt it,” she retorted.
“Are we back to elementary?” Ashton asked.
“Whoever did the rhyme, did the crime,” Becca chuckled. Thankfully, she turned off her costume powers or they’d all be unconscious.
“Apparently,” Ashton answered her own question.
“What if you rhyme and dealt it?” Jessrah asked, half jokingly.
“Then you smelt it and did the crime,” Lindsay responded.
“If neither happens, did anyone really fart?” Brianna asked.
“Yes,” said half. “No,” said the others.
“No?! It’s like the tree in the forest, if no one heard it fall, but it’s on the ground, it still fell,” Angelica persisted her answer.
“But if it doesn’t smell, it doesn’t exist,” Tina challenged her.
“Shut up Tifag,” Angelica joked.
“What about SBD’s?” Becky brought up. “You don’t hear it, but you sure as hell smell it.”
“I cannot believe we are actually having this conversation,” Ashton laughed and playfully smacked her head on the doors of the elevator.
“That’s when they realized they were moving. “Who pushed a button?” Brianna stopped the funniness as much as possible to attempt acting as serious as she possibly could. Silently, they all looked at each other; none admitting to doing it. “If I didn’t do it, and none of you did it, this thing is possessed!”
“Shit. I hate ghosts!” Becca yelled.
“No, Dykenmof!” Becky remembered. “Tina give me Tuperman. It’s Tuperman time.” Tina revealed the oreo tin with Tuperman in visibility again. Becky removed the lid and there in the tin sat Tuperman.
“You have freed me. How shall I remove my debt?” Tuperman looked up from his tin cage at all the beautiful girls surrounding him.
“End the war.”
And that’s the end. Tuperman destroyed the Army and then rebuilt them, except this time not evil, not geeky and not as teenie. He locked Dykenmof away because he just didn’t like her. Peace was established between the two groups and they forgave each other. However, Liz left the Army and rejoined the McBoomers who she had been truly, madly, deeply missing. She found her McFlygoesboom costume waiting for her where she had left it.
“Do you get the feeling we forgot something?” Jessrah asked as they lay to begin resting.
That’s when it hit them like a bully bunching a kid, “Dykenmof!” After Tuperman had locked her away at the center core of the Earth, the McBoomers planned to retrieve her, as did the McFly Army, but it seems like they all forgot. (Twenty years later, they still didn’t remember.)
“Oops, oh well,” Gina closed her eyes.
Instantly, Brianna and Becky sat up straight in bed, “the fiesta!”
“Is tomorrow,” Ashton calmly reminded them.
“Dum-dums,” giggled Tina and Angelica from their beds across the McBoomer bedroom.
Part 6
The following day was a hectic day. It was possibly more hectic than war although not very likely. There was a fiesta in order and so much to do to set up for it. Decorations to be hung, food to be baked, an ice sculpture of themselves to be carved, hot boys to be found and a bouncer needed to control the doors.
“Hey Stacey, will ya hang this for me?” Jessrah handed her a long string of festive lights.
“Oh and these,” Meredith tossed her a rolled up poster that had digital picture highlights of the war on it.
“And this,” Lindsay handed her banner that read ‘McBoobers’ -Jessrah’s accidental but funny spelling mistake.
“Don’t forget this,” Becky topped off her pile with an oreo-tinned disco ball.
“Gee, thanks guys,” Stacey said under her load of tasks unwanted by the others. As she worked her bum off doing the other’s chores, they all chillaxed. Some sat on their indoor beach and soaked up the sun; some prepared their appearance for the night; and the rest fanaticized about the hot boys coming and how the night would play out.
The first and most important people of their lists of invitees were McFly, for whom without there would be no McBoomers, Army, a war or a victory reason to celebrate. Others they were hoping to make it -before using Tuperman to bring them to the fiesta- were the ex-Busted boys, Michael Seater (Life with Derek), Heath Ledger, Batman / Christian Bale, Captain Jack Sparrow / Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Zach Braff, All Time Low, Jake Gyllenhall, Kit Weyman (Sam, Derek’s friend, on Life With Derek), Ricky Ullman, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, William Moseley, Skandar Keynes and 50 other good-looking hot, sexy, male babes.
Other not-so-important-because-they’re-not-hot-males-but-still-important invitees were Britney Spears, Girls Aloud, Sugababes, Kelly Clarkson, Spice Girls, Natasha Bedinggield, Christina Aguilera, Aly & Aj, and a few others. They invited less females because the men need to be overpopulating the girls so all girls get their share of men.
“I brought some chocolate,” Michael entered the fiesta and smiled, melting Brianna, Angelica, Gina and Tina.
“Great! First melting ice sculptures, now melting people!” Stacey pushed her custodian broom with a foot stomp.
THE END.