I dont belong in Puerto Rico
So I have been thinking about this for quite a bit but after reading some entries from lj friends who still live in Puerto Rico and looking at pages of friends from facebook who still live in Puerto Rico I have kind of come to a conclusion. I do not belong in Puerto Rico.
Seriously, I mean no offense to my facebook friends or LJ friends from PR but I just feel like I would blow my brains out if I had to live on that island. Growing up in Puerto Rico I have always felt like an alien. I never really got along all that great with most kids. Thinking back I think some kids tried to give me a chance (mostly cause I had allot of toys and distilled water plus the pool) but I was a weird child. I was hooked on cable, growing up cable was a luxury, most of the kids in the neighborhood watched cartoons dubbed in spanish. I hated spanish dubbing for one all the spanish voices would dumb down the characters and throw in really stupid jokes. I remember in the spanish version of TMNT Beebop and Rocksteady were blatantly gay for shredder. I was a bit of a TV snob, I had allot of time on my hands as a kid and after I turned 9 most of the neighborhood kids wouldnt really talk to me. We honestly had nothing to talk about, I didnt watch spanish tv, I didn't like sports, and none of my relatives were in jail.
I was pretty isolated and at school my love for 1950's and 60's rock and roll, my habbit of always reading books and my shyness around girl made me to appealing a target for bullies of both genders.
I think everyone though I would outgrow it, and I even did too for a little while but it only got worse as I got older. After high school I found myself surrounding myself around american raised puerto rican kids. Which turned out to be a little bit of a commodity. I remember my only request for a girlfriend was that she spoke fluent english and was americanized. As I got older it only got worse.
I found that unlike puertorican women, who found me quirky and non threatening. Puertorican men found me weird and took an instant dislike to me right away. I was always singled out at parties by the alphas in the group and snide comments would come my way. Sometimes even in the street i would get harassed, I remember one occasion going to visit my friend at his art school in san juan. As I approached the entrance I was speaking to my friend in English when I was stopped by the guard.
"You know you should speak Spanish, by speaking English it makes you look like a snob"
In social events I had to pretend to not originally be from Puerto Rico, it was easier to pretend that I was an american raised puerto rican (or rather a "newyorican" as they were smugly called by the islanders) because to tell the truth that i was raised in Puerto Rico since I was 3 would offend people to the point of anger.
"What are you ashamed of being Puerto Rican?"
"Whats wrong with you?"
"Why do you have to be so weird?"
In Puertoricans are always trying to classify things. Rocker, Rapper, Preppy, Black, White, Boricua, Newyorican, ect. If your not classified your an anomaly and that messes with their reality which perplexes and scares them. So they get angry and lash out.
Whats funny is that I never felt Puertorican in Puerto Rico, I was never welcomed by my people. People kept telling me I didn't deserve to have it because of the way I spoke, the way I dressed, the way I thought. I didn' t really become puertorican until I came to live in New York. The majority of Puertoricans here just accept me. They dont judge me for what I wear, for the music I listen to, for how I speak or what I think. See in Puerto Rico I think most boricuas are self centered and naive. They think that the world revolves around the island. So they have the time to be nit picky. But in the states, its us against the world. Everyday is a struggle and theres no time to fight around like babies about whos a "real Puertorican". We live in grown up world were people think your "spics" and they treat you like trash.
After living in New York where I dont have to worry about speaking my mind or getting people hassling me because of who I am. How could I ever go back to that?
Seriously, I mean no offense to my facebook friends or LJ friends from PR but I just feel like I would blow my brains out if I had to live on that island. Growing up in Puerto Rico I have always felt like an alien. I never really got along all that great with most kids. Thinking back I think some kids tried to give me a chance (mostly cause I had allot of toys and distilled water plus the pool) but I was a weird child. I was hooked on cable, growing up cable was a luxury, most of the kids in the neighborhood watched cartoons dubbed in spanish. I hated spanish dubbing for one all the spanish voices would dumb down the characters and throw in really stupid jokes. I remember in the spanish version of TMNT Beebop and Rocksteady were blatantly gay for shredder. I was a bit of a TV snob, I had allot of time on my hands as a kid and after I turned 9 most of the neighborhood kids wouldnt really talk to me. We honestly had nothing to talk about, I didnt watch spanish tv, I didn't like sports, and none of my relatives were in jail.
I was pretty isolated and at school my love for 1950's and 60's rock and roll, my habbit of always reading books and my shyness around girl made me to appealing a target for bullies of both genders.
I think everyone though I would outgrow it, and I even did too for a little while but it only got worse as I got older. After high school I found myself surrounding myself around american raised puerto rican kids. Which turned out to be a little bit of a commodity. I remember my only request for a girlfriend was that she spoke fluent english and was americanized. As I got older it only got worse.
I found that unlike puertorican women, who found me quirky and non threatening. Puertorican men found me weird and took an instant dislike to me right away. I was always singled out at parties by the alphas in the group and snide comments would come my way. Sometimes even in the street i would get harassed, I remember one occasion going to visit my friend at his art school in san juan. As I approached the entrance I was speaking to my friend in English when I was stopped by the guard.
"You know you should speak Spanish, by speaking English it makes you look like a snob"
In social events I had to pretend to not originally be from Puerto Rico, it was easier to pretend that I was an american raised puerto rican (or rather a "newyorican" as they were smugly called by the islanders) because to tell the truth that i was raised in Puerto Rico since I was 3 would offend people to the point of anger.
"What are you ashamed of being Puerto Rican?"
"Whats wrong with you?"
"Why do you have to be so weird?"
In Puertoricans are always trying to classify things. Rocker, Rapper, Preppy, Black, White, Boricua, Newyorican, ect. If your not classified your an anomaly and that messes with their reality which perplexes and scares them. So they get angry and lash out.
Whats funny is that I never felt Puertorican in Puerto Rico, I was never welcomed by my people. People kept telling me I didn't deserve to have it because of the way I spoke, the way I dressed, the way I thought. I didn' t really become puertorican until I came to live in New York. The majority of Puertoricans here just accept me. They dont judge me for what I wear, for the music I listen to, for how I speak or what I think. See in Puerto Rico I think most boricuas are self centered and naive. They think that the world revolves around the island. So they have the time to be nit picky. But in the states, its us against the world. Everyday is a struggle and theres no time to fight around like babies about whos a "real Puertorican". We live in grown up world were people think your "spics" and they treat you like trash.
After living in New York where I dont have to worry about speaking my mind or getting people hassling me because of who I am. How could I ever go back to that?