Artistic Suffering
So im broke, i hate being broke dont you? I honestly have 10 bucks to my name. Ive realized that i shop out of some emotional need, this is not good at all. There are days i feel sad and will head down to borders and pick up a graphic novel or DVD, sometimes both! This is something i have to work on because i not make enough money to support that kind of lifestyle.
My moms pretty cheesed at me since ive had to borrow money this month to make rent. Belive me i am not happy about it either. I feel incredibly guilty about borrowing money to be honest it makes me feel a bit of a looser.
Today i went to Mocca (Museum of Cartoon and Comics Art) because i had submited 180 bucks for half a table for their art festival and like last year i did not get in because tables went faster this year. Needless to say im pissed but for variety of reasons...
1)Mocca is supposed to be a convention for the strugeling self publisher. They take pride and boast on how they support the indie scene ofcourse they never deal with the fact that they charge us for pratcially breathing. Think about this for a second a Full sized table is 300 dollars! Half of a table is $175! You only get one table badge per table!! Now most tables have two creators that means you have to shell out an extra 5 bucks for the second badge! So think about this the average con a beggining creator will have to sell 90 books at a value of 2.00 each in order to break even for half a table!!! Thats impossible.
2)I always have a bad experience when i go to the museum. Last year i was told that i was on the wait list and that "everyone gets off the wait list". So i hear nothing from them for months, i fly in from PUERTO RICO only to be told that nope you aint getting a table. The day of the con guess what? Two empty tables.....(also they wouldnt give me a press badge even though my interviews that i had to beg to get were on Comic Book Resources, they said they already had a official podcast, thats like saying im sorry Village Voice we cant give you a press badge we already gave one to USA Today)
3)So lets talk about they way they let everyone know whos on the waiting list and whos not. Oh yeah, thats right they dont. They dont send you an e-mail letting you know that your on the waitting list or what number your on. In fact they dont even respond to e-mails! At least they never did to me.
4)I always meet the biggest dicks who work there. Im sure there are nice people who are involved with the museum, i just wish i wouldnt catch so many of them on a day they have something up their ass. Let me recite the conversation i had when i submitted the cash for a table to protect the identity of this person lets just call him DICK...
Me: Hi, i want to get a table for Mocca..
DICK: What?...
Me: yeah i want to get a table for the Mocca Convention
DICK: (annoyed) This is Mocca, the convention is called ART FEST not MOCCA..
Me: Ok its just that everyone calls it Mocca
DICK: Well i dont know were you heard that cause its called THE ART FESTIVAL
Me: Okay whatever man.
This is the point were he looks for applications cant find some, spends like 8 minutes talking random stuff in the back, remembers im still waiting ask's the guy hes talking shop with about the "Festival forms" and comes back with one which i fill out and were done.
You know not that i wrote this, i realise this encounter wasnt so bad maybe im just being defensive.
5)So this brings us to today. When i go to MOCCA to get my money back because
A) Im broke and need the money in order to have a decent lunch this week.
B) Might use it to get a table at SPX
But when i get there and ask, the freaking president of Mocca comes out and tells me that if i take the money im off the waiting list. And then ge goes into his whole spiel about how im really high on the list because i submited my table on the 27 and they sold out on the 25 or 26. So i caved and stayed on the list. I just felt so talked down too. I felt like i was bothering them and how dare i waste MOCCA's time. I should be gratefull that im even in their pressence and on the waiting list at all.
This means there will be a few lunches that i will be eating pretzles. I feel crappy about this and here is why...
When my mom found out that i left the money at Mocca she was pretty pissed. Which brings home how much my family doesnt understand my love of creating comics. This ofcourse makes me very sad because I feel like no one will understand my passion and to be honest there is a part of me who doesnt understand as well who will be pissed at myself for being so broke when i could have 180 bucks in my pocket.
This brings us to the question of my journey to New York, i think about the progress ive made here, am i really making any? or am i still wasiting time? Can i succeed? or am i just kidding myself? You hear all these poetic stories of artists who live in the cars before they hit it big but you never hear about thousands who became bag laddies.
Does it come down to how bad i want it? And i suppose i want it very bad if im trying to make 15 bucks last till the 15th. What keeps me going is that I came to New York to try. To give it my all and that means that i have to walk across burning rocks, go hungry, have to skip doing laundry for a bit, anything i have to, to say that I gave it my all...
My moms pretty cheesed at me since ive had to borrow money this month to make rent. Belive me i am not happy about it either. I feel incredibly guilty about borrowing money to be honest it makes me feel a bit of a looser.
Today i went to Mocca (Museum of Cartoon and Comics Art) because i had submited 180 bucks for half a table for their art festival and like last year i did not get in because tables went faster this year. Needless to say im pissed but for variety of reasons...
1)Mocca is supposed to be a convention for the strugeling self publisher. They take pride and boast on how they support the indie scene ofcourse they never deal with the fact that they charge us for pratcially breathing. Think about this for a second a Full sized table is 300 dollars! Half of a table is $175! You only get one table badge per table!! Now most tables have two creators that means you have to shell out an extra 5 bucks for the second badge! So think about this the average con a beggining creator will have to sell 90 books at a value of 2.00 each in order to break even for half a table!!! Thats impossible.
2)I always have a bad experience when i go to the museum. Last year i was told that i was on the wait list and that "everyone gets off the wait list". So i hear nothing from them for months, i fly in from PUERTO RICO only to be told that nope you aint getting a table. The day of the con guess what? Two empty tables.....(also they wouldnt give me a press badge even though my interviews that i had to beg to get were on Comic Book Resources, they said they already had a official podcast, thats like saying im sorry Village Voice we cant give you a press badge we already gave one to USA Today)
3)So lets talk about they way they let everyone know whos on the waiting list and whos not. Oh yeah, thats right they dont. They dont send you an e-mail letting you know that your on the waitting list or what number your on. In fact they dont even respond to e-mails! At least they never did to me.
4)I always meet the biggest dicks who work there. Im sure there are nice people who are involved with the museum, i just wish i wouldnt catch so many of them on a day they have something up their ass. Let me recite the conversation i had when i submitted the cash for a table to protect the identity of this person lets just call him DICK...
Me: Hi, i want to get a table for Mocca..
DICK: What?...
Me: yeah i want to get a table for the Mocca Convention
DICK: (annoyed) This is Mocca, the convention is called ART FEST not MOCCA..
Me: Ok its just that everyone calls it Mocca
DICK: Well i dont know were you heard that cause its called THE ART FESTIVAL
Me: Okay whatever man.
This is the point were he looks for applications cant find some, spends like 8 minutes talking random stuff in the back, remembers im still waiting ask's the guy hes talking shop with about the "Festival forms" and comes back with one which i fill out and were done.
You know not that i wrote this, i realise this encounter wasnt so bad maybe im just being defensive.
5)So this brings us to today. When i go to MOCCA to get my money back because
A) Im broke and need the money in order to have a decent lunch this week.
B) Might use it to get a table at SPX
But when i get there and ask, the freaking president of Mocca comes out and tells me that if i take the money im off the waiting list. And then ge goes into his whole spiel about how im really high on the list because i submited my table on the 27 and they sold out on the 25 or 26. So i caved and stayed on the list. I just felt so talked down too. I felt like i was bothering them and how dare i waste MOCCA's time. I should be gratefull that im even in their pressence and on the waiting list at all.
This means there will be a few lunches that i will be eating pretzles. I feel crappy about this and here is why...
When my mom found out that i left the money at Mocca she was pretty pissed. Which brings home how much my family doesnt understand my love of creating comics. This ofcourse makes me very sad because I feel like no one will understand my passion and to be honest there is a part of me who doesnt understand as well who will be pissed at myself for being so broke when i could have 180 bucks in my pocket.
This brings us to the question of my journey to New York, i think about the progress ive made here, am i really making any? or am i still wasiting time? Can i succeed? or am i just kidding myself? You hear all these poetic stories of artists who live in the cars before they hit it big but you never hear about thousands who became bag laddies.
Does it come down to how bad i want it? And i suppose i want it very bad if im trying to make 15 bucks last till the 15th. What keeps me going is that I came to New York to try. To give it my all and that means that i have to walk across burning rocks, go hungry, have to skip doing laundry for a bit, anything i have to, to say that I gave it my all...