What if?
One of my favorite books is Replay by Ken Grimwood. It's about a guy who has a heart attack and dies when he's 43 only to wake up as his 18-year-old self and have to live his life over again from that point, with full memory of the life he has already lived. The same thing happens over and over and he lives multiple versions of his life. The story has always appealed to me because there are so many things from my past that I wish I could do over differently. He gets to do that, but also experiences the sense of loss that every time he builds a life, he will lose it and have to start over again.
So, I ponder various scenarios from my own life based on this premise.
1. What if knowing what M. was going to do, I found a way to set him up to get in trouble for it before it actually happens? That way I can make my escape sooner and know he had to face consequences for what he did. (I haven't worked out the details of this yet.) But, if there was a way to do that, would it be ethical, knowing that this is what he would do, but he hadn't actually done anything wrong yet?
2. Of course, I've spent a long time wanting to relive my relationship with W. to do things differently, but if I came back when I was 18, that would be a long time before I met him. I couldn't try to meet him sooner or he would have still been married. (He didn't actually get married until I was 21, but when I was in college, I wouldn't have lived near him.) Of course, I would want to date other guys to pass the time. But, what if I started feeling strongly enough for someone to be conflicted? Then, I would have a dilemma whether to stay with that person or move on to try to work things out with W. It can be hard to predict who will really be best for you.
3. This one would involve going further back then my own life, but what if I had a time machine that could take me back to meet my mom before she was married/I was born and I honestly know that she would have been happier not having kids. Could I or should I try to get her to see this even though I know I would be erasing my own existence?
When I try to imagine this actually happening, I mostly get sad thinking of how much I would miss my dog for the many years before he would exist or before I was even in a situation where I could keep a dog. I wonder what it would be like to wake up in my little dorm room bed in that tiny 12 x 12 room (smaller than my condo's storage closet) that I had to share with a roommate instead of waking up in my cozy bed in my own condo with my furbaby warming my feet? Not so great and I would have to be in such less than ideal situations for awhile.
Any of these might make good stories to write some day.
So, I ponder various scenarios from my own life based on this premise.
1. What if knowing what M. was going to do, I found a way to set him up to get in trouble for it before it actually happens? That way I can make my escape sooner and know he had to face consequences for what he did. (I haven't worked out the details of this yet.) But, if there was a way to do that, would it be ethical, knowing that this is what he would do, but he hadn't actually done anything wrong yet?
2. Of course, I've spent a long time wanting to relive my relationship with W. to do things differently, but if I came back when I was 18, that would be a long time before I met him. I couldn't try to meet him sooner or he would have still been married. (He didn't actually get married until I was 21, but when I was in college, I wouldn't have lived near him.) Of course, I would want to date other guys to pass the time. But, what if I started feeling strongly enough for someone to be conflicted? Then, I would have a dilemma whether to stay with that person or move on to try to work things out with W. It can be hard to predict who will really be best for you.
3. This one would involve going further back then my own life, but what if I had a time machine that could take me back to meet my mom before she was married/I was born and I honestly know that she would have been happier not having kids. Could I or should I try to get her to see this even though I know I would be erasing my own existence?
When I try to imagine this actually happening, I mostly get sad thinking of how much I would miss my dog for the many years before he would exist or before I was even in a situation where I could keep a dog. I wonder what it would be like to wake up in my little dorm room bed in that tiny 12 x 12 room (smaller than my condo's storage closet) that I had to share with a roommate instead of waking up in my cozy bed in my own condo with my furbaby warming my feet? Not so great and I would have to be in such less than ideal situations for awhile.
Any of these might make good stories to write some day.