Encounter of the Best Kind...
Tuesday, 1 Feb 2005: Breakthrough!
My first real conversation with God! He is so amazingly not what I expected, and I think that's the whole point. The worst thing about growing up in a Christian family is that you grow up with ideas of who God is and what He can do. It's not the worst thing in the world, being raised up by godly parents protected me from a lot of grief. But the passion that new converts have from God, the extreme changes they go through (from street gangster to Sunday school teacher!) was something I was so envious of. My relationship with God was like that between couples who had celebrated their golden wedding anniversary, you know familiar.
All my ideas of God, even the grandest of my imaginings, are too small to capture his reality. Growing up, I had all these expectations of who God was and what he could do, because I had already seen him work in my family. But now, he's ruining all my expectations. And I'm glad he is, because I now realize that all our expectations limit what he can do in our lives. We need to stop "expecting" and just "trust."
You think you know, but you have no idea...
We had a really long, meaningful conversation and the whole time I was like, "God, is this real or am I just making it up?" Doubtful me, still comparing my idea of how God worked with what I was experiencing at that moment.
He replied, "You'll know if something is from me by its fruit. If you don't allow this conversation to bear fruit, to change your life, you may as well have been just talking to yourself. The real proof of an authentic, genuine encounter with God is change. And this change doesn't even have to come from you, you don't have to try because I am the one changing you. Just obey and allow me to make you better, make you into the woman I had in mind when I was designing you. Close your eyes, let go, and fall into me."
I really love the song "Be the center." The chorus goes:
Be the fire in my heart, Be the wind in my sails,
Be the reason that I live, Jesus, Jesus...
I really do want Jesus to be the source of my passion. Those who know me know that I'm a very extreme, passionate, hyper person. And God designed me that way. I just want him to channel all this passion to where he wants it to be.
I'm so excited, but unlike my usual excitement which just bubbles over, this time it's a quiet and peaceful kind of excitement. God is the only one who can make me so hyper and so calm at the same time.
My first real conversation with God! He is so amazingly not what I expected, and I think that's the whole point. The worst thing about growing up in a Christian family is that you grow up with ideas of who God is and what He can do. It's not the worst thing in the world, being raised up by godly parents protected me from a lot of grief. But the passion that new converts have from God, the extreme changes they go through (from street gangster to Sunday school teacher!) was something I was so envious of. My relationship with God was like that between couples who had celebrated their golden wedding anniversary, you know familiar.
All my ideas of God, even the grandest of my imaginings, are too small to capture his reality. Growing up, I had all these expectations of who God was and what he could do, because I had already seen him work in my family. But now, he's ruining all my expectations. And I'm glad he is, because I now realize that all our expectations limit what he can do in our lives. We need to stop "expecting" and just "trust."
You think you know, but you have no idea...
We had a really long, meaningful conversation and the whole time I was like, "God, is this real or am I just making it up?" Doubtful me, still comparing my idea of how God worked with what I was experiencing at that moment.
He replied, "You'll know if something is from me by its fruit. If you don't allow this conversation to bear fruit, to change your life, you may as well have been just talking to yourself. The real proof of an authentic, genuine encounter with God is change. And this change doesn't even have to come from you, you don't have to try because I am the one changing you. Just obey and allow me to make you better, make you into the woman I had in mind when I was designing you. Close your eyes, let go, and fall into me."
I really love the song "Be the center." The chorus goes:
Be the fire in my heart, Be the wind in my sails,
Be the reason that I live, Jesus, Jesus...
I really do want Jesus to be the source of my passion. Those who know me know that I'm a very extreme, passionate, hyper person. And God designed me that way. I just want him to channel all this passion to where he wants it to be.
I'm so excited, but unlike my usual excitement which just bubbles over, this time it's a quiet and peaceful kind of excitement. God is the only one who can make me so hyper and so calm at the same time.