What am I doing??? I don't even know anymore...
This was my response to a blog that my friend posted today... I've been wanting to write about this for a few days now, since I feel like I'm wasting my life away. I think I've started to feel this even moreso since my birthday just passed:
"Every day I'm not in class here is another day wasted. Another day I could be in another country. Another day I could not feel stuck.
I can't wait to quit this job.
I can't wait to be anywhere but here.
I can't wait to never come back."
You took the words right out of my mouth... I've never loathed the way that I'm wasting my time, education, and abilities the way that I do now... I broke down to my manager yesterday. Here's pretty much the gist of what I said to him: "Have you seen 'Hotel Rwanda'? Yeah, you know Paul Rusesabagina, the guy it was based upon? I know him personally. You know that while people here sit and argue and act like they know the ins and outs of nuclear politics, I've actually met some of the world's most important people in this field, including the Nobel Peace Prize winner Muhammed Al Baradei. So, I really find myself having a lot of feelings of self-loathing sitting here doing tech support and getting cussed out by people who can't even spell their own name because they're not able to forward a retarded joke to their baby's mama/daddy. What the fuck am I doing with my life?"
That was literally the convo I had - he basically told me I was elitist and needed this humbling experience. It's not that I need to work with a certain class of people - it's that I need to be doing something fulfilling, something that applies my education and skill - not medial shit where I know more than my managers and put up with stupid bullshit on a daily basis.
Ultimately... I'm not disappointed in anything or anyone around me - I'm very disappointed in myself, and I know that only when I pick up the pace and get shit done will shit even begin to change.
"Every day I'm not in class here is another day wasted. Another day I could be in another country. Another day I could not feel stuck.
I can't wait to quit this job.
I can't wait to be anywhere but here.
I can't wait to never come back."
You took the words right out of my mouth... I've never loathed the way that I'm wasting my time, education, and abilities the way that I do now... I broke down to my manager yesterday. Here's pretty much the gist of what I said to him: "Have you seen 'Hotel Rwanda'? Yeah, you know Paul Rusesabagina, the guy it was based upon? I know him personally. You know that while people here sit and argue and act like they know the ins and outs of nuclear politics, I've actually met some of the world's most important people in this field, including the Nobel Peace Prize winner Muhammed Al Baradei. So, I really find myself having a lot of feelings of self-loathing sitting here doing tech support and getting cussed out by people who can't even spell their own name because they're not able to forward a retarded joke to their baby's mama/daddy. What the fuck am I doing with my life?"
That was literally the convo I had - he basically told me I was elitist and needed this humbling experience. It's not that I need to work with a certain class of people - it's that I need to be doing something fulfilling, something that applies my education and skill - not medial shit where I know more than my managers and put up with stupid bullshit on a daily basis.
Ultimately... I'm not disappointed in anything or anyone around me - I'm very disappointed in myself, and I know that only when I pick up the pace and get shit done will shit even begin to change.