(no subject)
I'm such a horrible person....I really deserve to go to hell but I can't help it.......
so my cousin lacey died on friday, june 25....the day before her 19th birthday. I called home from Florida that night and my family told me. The first thing I felt was shock and a terribe sadness for her. Then I expected the greif to come....but it didn't. It still han't adn I don;t know why.....I SHOULD FEEL TERRIBLE FOR HER! but i feel nothing. I literally feel devoid of emotion toward teh whole thing. I have only cried once and it was only a few tears. On the 26th my little brother had a mini party w/ teh cast from his play and i was there, and when we all sang happy birthday he cried....it was her birthday too.....thats when i shed a couple tears, but in all honesty, i think the tears were more for Ryan than Lacey.....I don't know.....
and worse....i jsut found out that the kid I have been madly in love with for forever is in love with soem other girl, and I actually got mad! like really upset mad. Two days after my cousin dies I still feel nothing about her passing, but i can feel hurt and mad about some adolescent crush? what the fuck is wrong with me......
i dunno....i guess i needed to get that out and let God smite me or whatever for being horrible. Lacey, wherever you are....I'm so sorry.....I miss you, I really do, I just can't find how to....I'm so sorry....
so my cousin lacey died on friday, june 25....the day before her 19th birthday. I called home from Florida that night and my family told me. The first thing I felt was shock and a terribe sadness for her. Then I expected the greif to come....but it didn't. It still han't adn I don;t know why.....I SHOULD FEEL TERRIBLE FOR HER! but i feel nothing. I literally feel devoid of emotion toward teh whole thing. I have only cried once and it was only a few tears. On the 26th my little brother had a mini party w/ teh cast from his play and i was there, and when we all sang happy birthday he cried....it was her birthday too.....thats when i shed a couple tears, but in all honesty, i think the tears were more for Ryan than Lacey.....I don't know.....
and worse....i jsut found out that the kid I have been madly in love with for forever is in love with soem other girl, and I actually got mad! like really upset mad. Two days after my cousin dies I still feel nothing about her passing, but i can feel hurt and mad about some adolescent crush? what the fuck is wrong with me......
i dunno....i guess i needed to get that out and let God smite me or whatever for being horrible. Lacey, wherever you are....I'm so sorry.....I miss you, I really do, I just can't find how to....I'm so sorry....