Fic: Birthday Letters (Cassidy, Lilly, Veronica) (4/11) R
Title: Birthday Letters
Chapter: 4/11 - "Daffodils"
Author: hyperemmalawlz
Pairing/Character: Cassidy, Lilly, Veronica, ensemble. Cassidy/Lilly and Logan/Cassidy. This chapter is pretty Lilly/Weevil and Duncan/Veronica. With vague implications of Duncan/Cassidy if you squint.
Word Count: 1224
Rating: R
Summary: In one world, he found Lilly Kane on the white bedspread. In the other, Veronica Mars was left on it for him. In both, everything slowly started crashing down.
Spoilers: (eventually) Up to 3x09, "Spit and Eggs.
Warnings: Swearing, sexuality, het, slash, talk of rape and molestation.
Author's Notes: One of those fics you really have to explain the premise of. One storyline occurs in canon, one occurs in my old fanfic, "Compare and Contrast." This will probably make more sense if you've read that. The title is from a book of poems by Ted Hughes, and each section is titled by a line from one of the poems in that book. Each chapter is titled after the poem from which those sections' two lines come from. Also, this chapter is kind of an Easter Egg for my regular readers - but it will make sense if you're not.
4. It was his last chance
When Lilly winds up with Eli 'Weevil' Navarro, no-one's really sure whether to be surprised or not. It strikes Cassidy as somewhat cliched - the fallen princess rich girl, running after the bad boy biker with heart of gold (tm).
It seems kind of funny when she reveals this is not a new thing - she and Weevil were together before, during one of her and Logan's many breakups. Cassidy sees Logan pretend he doesn't care, and it's just another funny thing done by Lilly the Slut, but Cassidy knows better. It hurts. Logan hasn't let go of her properly despite hating her, despite Caitlin Ford hanging on his arm, and it's not really a surprise. No matter how they made themselves implode, Lilly and Logan were bound together - even when they were split - for the last two to three years; it's not surprising no-one knows how to react now they're not. It's not surprising that Logan can't just unhook her from his mind and soul.
Hell, Cassidy had her for one night and he can't quite figure out how to cut it out of his thoughts. Much the same with Logan, even. Maybe it's just something about them; some magnetic energy that draws them together no matter how hard they try to be apart, and captures anyone who just happens to get caught in the gravity field - ie. him.
But Lilly is with Weevil now, and everyone is learning to deal. Lilly has this big grin on her face when she's with him - nobody's seen her like that since Veronica died - and it makes Cassidy smile. She is happy and so he is happy for her, even though he's not sure why he cares so much. Most of the people he meets think she doesn't deserve the happiness, and want to break her down - she doesn't let them.
Things seem better for her now - the mostly apathetic (but cruel) masses are less likely to jeer and taunt when they think the leader of the PCHers might drive an ice-pick through their skull for it. Cassidy's been swimming in white privilege his whole life, so he has to admit it - Weevil scares him. However, he trusts Lilly to know when she can't trust a guy - somehow he just feels she never trusted Aaron Echolls.
Eventually, the Weevil and Lilly thing becomes background noise; people stop caring. Someone theorizes that Weevil was probably the father of Lilly's unborn baby - Cassidy has to stifle his laughter against his palm when he hears that - and most people accept it. Everyone pretends not to notice the flash of pain and loneliness in Logan's eyes when he sees his ex-girlfriend hand in hand with the biker, her brother rolling his eyes by their side.
Cassidy just smiles. Lilly is happy now. Maybe one day, he will be too.
4. He would die in the same great freeze as you
Cassidy's lying on one of the deck chairs at Shelley Pomroy's house, by the pool. He's half drunk and Duncan Kane is next to him, a good deal drunker. Cassidy quirks a smile at the thought of what happened last time he was at one of Shelley's parties - Duncan would probably kill him if he knew. Then again, maybe Duncan's rejected Veronica enough not to care. Then again, Duncan's pretty much a zombie nowadays anyway.
He hears a short, despairing moan escape Duncan's lips, and is surprised at the sting of guilt. That doesn't sound like a zombie.
“You wanna know what the problem with the world is, Beav?” Duncan slurs, fist clenching and unclenching around the the neck of his beer bottle. Cassidy grimaces. How much did he have to drink anyway?
“My name is Cassidy,” he mutters, knowing it won't matter. “And not particularly, no. But I've got a feeling you're about to tell me anyway.”
“Yeah,” Duncan sighs. “The problem is, nobody has a fucking clue what they're doing. I mean, people try. But they screw up and sometimes they barely even remember why; stupid, emotional morons who leave everyone else to pick up their shit, and they actually fucking care but...”
Cassidy feels a shiver run down his spine, and he doesn't want to believe what Duncan's telling him. He knows what he's doing. He knew what he was doing last December. He needs to believe that now, so he dismisses Duncan's rant with a smirk. “So? People are fucked up. It's humanity's great defining trait; did you just notice this?”
Duncan sighs deeply. “Yeah,” he says, and Cassidy notices his eyes going glassy with tears. If he was someone else, he'd feel sorry for Duncan - but he's not someone else, and he doesn't really have the room to feel that anymore.
Duncan puts the beer back to his lips - or he tries, in any case. His aim is slightly off, so the beer pours not down his throat, but over his jaw and collarbone. Cassidy watches as Duncan begins to choke and splutter, and raises an eyebrow.
“You need me to go over there and help you with that, or something?”
Cassidy flinches as Duncan drops his beer bottle to the floor and it shatters loudly. He's always hated the sound of breaking glass. Duncan laughs loudly, so unlike what anyone has come to expect from him recently.
“I'm fine,” Duncan lies. “I hate beer anyway.”
Cassidy nods. “Yeah, your state makes that so obvious.”
Duncan collapses against the deck chair, eyes closed, and Cassidy cocks his head to the side. What is up with him?
Duncan turns very deliberately on his side, eyes now open and staring Cassidy down - Duncan can barely focus them, but he's trying like this is of utmost important. “I miss her,” Duncan whispers, as if Cassidy is a priest and this is his confession. Cassidy has to stifle a laugh at the thought - him, a man of God.
But Duncan just looks so damn sad that Cassidy's mouth goes dry. “Lilly?” he asks dumbly.
Cassidy waits for a response, observing the unhealthy flicker of puke-yellow lantern light on Duncan's deathly pale skin; blotchy with booze and pain. He feels a vague urge to punch Duncan in the face, not because he's done anything wrong, but just to see the red gently float over Duncan's features, and to feel it coating his hand. “Veronica,” Duncan says, mouthing the word more than anything - as if he's scared the sound will start an avalanche.
Cassidy nerves jump up screaming and burning alive, and he follows them off the deck chair - he wants to run. The guilt comes surging back like a flood, and there's just too much of it to beat down, not with Duncan looking like a bundle of hurt three feet away from him.
He's made maybe two steps away when Duncan's hand catches his wrist in a vice-like grip. Cassidy winces and gasps at the contact; he feels imprisoned and God knows how he doesn't want to remember that feeling. He takes two deep breaths, and forces himself to calm down - Duncan is a wreck, and none of this matters anyway, so there's no point to him getting worked up about it all. He presses the mute on (what's left of) his conscience's screams about Veronica; condemning him for what he did.
He looks Duncan square in the eye with carefully schooled blankness. Duncan doesn't say it, but Cassidy feels the word radiating off him: stay, stay, stay.
He's confused, and he doesn't know why the hell Duncan needs him there - him, of all people. But he does it.
Just because he's puzzled, and wants to figure out what is really ripping Duncan in half like an old and over-stressed piece of fabric. Not because he feels sorry when he sees how broken Duncan looks, or that he identifies with the helplessness, or that he's half-wishing Duncan will realize the truth and kill him in revenge, or that he just wants to spend some time with the other people living in their own personal hells.
Really.
Chapter: 4/11 - "Daffodils"
Author: hyperemmalawlz
Pairing/Character: Cassidy, Lilly, Veronica, ensemble. Cassidy/Lilly and Logan/Cassidy. This chapter is pretty Lilly/Weevil and Duncan/Veronica. With vague implications of Duncan/Cassidy if you squint.
Word Count: 1224
Rating: R
Summary: In one world, he found Lilly Kane on the white bedspread. In the other, Veronica Mars was left on it for him. In both, everything slowly started crashing down.
Spoilers: (eventually) Up to 3x09, "Spit and Eggs.
Warnings: Swearing, sexuality, het, slash, talk of rape and molestation.
Author's Notes: One of those fics you really have to explain the premise of. One storyline occurs in canon, one occurs in my old fanfic, "Compare and Contrast." This will probably make more sense if you've read that. The title is from a book of poems by Ted Hughes, and each section is titled by a line from one of the poems in that book. Each chapter is titled after the poem from which those sections' two lines come from. Also, this chapter is kind of an Easter Egg for my regular readers - but it will make sense if you're not.
4. It was his last chance
When Lilly winds up with Eli 'Weevil' Navarro, no-one's really sure whether to be surprised or not. It strikes Cassidy as somewhat cliched - the fallen princess rich girl, running after the bad boy biker with heart of gold (tm).
It seems kind of funny when she reveals this is not a new thing - she and Weevil were together before, during one of her and Logan's many breakups. Cassidy sees Logan pretend he doesn't care, and it's just another funny thing done by Lilly the Slut, but Cassidy knows better. It hurts. Logan hasn't let go of her properly despite hating her, despite Caitlin Ford hanging on his arm, and it's not really a surprise. No matter how they made themselves implode, Lilly and Logan were bound together - even when they were split - for the last two to three years; it's not surprising no-one knows how to react now they're not. It's not surprising that Logan can't just unhook her from his mind and soul.
Hell, Cassidy had her for one night and he can't quite figure out how to cut it out of his thoughts. Much the same with Logan, even. Maybe it's just something about them; some magnetic energy that draws them together no matter how hard they try to be apart, and captures anyone who just happens to get caught in the gravity field - ie. him.
But Lilly is with Weevil now, and everyone is learning to deal. Lilly has this big grin on her face when she's with him - nobody's seen her like that since Veronica died - and it makes Cassidy smile. She is happy and so he is happy for her, even though he's not sure why he cares so much. Most of the people he meets think she doesn't deserve the happiness, and want to break her down - she doesn't let them.
Things seem better for her now - the mostly apathetic (but cruel) masses are less likely to jeer and taunt when they think the leader of the PCHers might drive an ice-pick through their skull for it. Cassidy's been swimming in white privilege his whole life, so he has to admit it - Weevil scares him. However, he trusts Lilly to know when she can't trust a guy - somehow he just feels she never trusted Aaron Echolls.
Eventually, the Weevil and Lilly thing becomes background noise; people stop caring. Someone theorizes that Weevil was probably the father of Lilly's unborn baby - Cassidy has to stifle his laughter against his palm when he hears that - and most people accept it. Everyone pretends not to notice the flash of pain and loneliness in Logan's eyes when he sees his ex-girlfriend hand in hand with the biker, her brother rolling his eyes by their side.
Cassidy just smiles. Lilly is happy now. Maybe one day, he will be too.
4. He would die in the same great freeze as you
Cassidy's lying on one of the deck chairs at Shelley Pomroy's house, by the pool. He's half drunk and Duncan Kane is next to him, a good deal drunker. Cassidy quirks a smile at the thought of what happened last time he was at one of Shelley's parties - Duncan would probably kill him if he knew. Then again, maybe Duncan's rejected Veronica enough not to care. Then again, Duncan's pretty much a zombie nowadays anyway.
He hears a short, despairing moan escape Duncan's lips, and is surprised at the sting of guilt. That doesn't sound like a zombie.
“You wanna know what the problem with the world is, Beav?” Duncan slurs, fist clenching and unclenching around the the neck of his beer bottle. Cassidy grimaces. How much did he have to drink anyway?
“My name is Cassidy,” he mutters, knowing it won't matter. “And not particularly, no. But I've got a feeling you're about to tell me anyway.”
“Yeah,” Duncan sighs. “The problem is, nobody has a fucking clue what they're doing. I mean, people try. But they screw up and sometimes they barely even remember why; stupid, emotional morons who leave everyone else to pick up their shit, and they actually fucking care but...”
Cassidy feels a shiver run down his spine, and he doesn't want to believe what Duncan's telling him. He knows what he's doing. He knew what he was doing last December. He needs to believe that now, so he dismisses Duncan's rant with a smirk. “So? People are fucked up. It's humanity's great defining trait; did you just notice this?”
Duncan sighs deeply. “Yeah,” he says, and Cassidy notices his eyes going glassy with tears. If he was someone else, he'd feel sorry for Duncan - but he's not someone else, and he doesn't really have the room to feel that anymore.
Duncan puts the beer back to his lips - or he tries, in any case. His aim is slightly off, so the beer pours not down his throat, but over his jaw and collarbone. Cassidy watches as Duncan begins to choke and splutter, and raises an eyebrow.
“You need me to go over there and help you with that, or something?”
Cassidy flinches as Duncan drops his beer bottle to the floor and it shatters loudly. He's always hated the sound of breaking glass. Duncan laughs loudly, so unlike what anyone has come to expect from him recently.
“I'm fine,” Duncan lies. “I hate beer anyway.”
Cassidy nods. “Yeah, your state makes that so obvious.”
Duncan collapses against the deck chair, eyes closed, and Cassidy cocks his head to the side. What is up with him?
Duncan turns very deliberately on his side, eyes now open and staring Cassidy down - Duncan can barely focus them, but he's trying like this is of utmost important. “I miss her,” Duncan whispers, as if Cassidy is a priest and this is his confession. Cassidy has to stifle a laugh at the thought - him, a man of God.
But Duncan just looks so damn sad that Cassidy's mouth goes dry. “Lilly?” he asks dumbly.
Cassidy waits for a response, observing the unhealthy flicker of puke-yellow lantern light on Duncan's deathly pale skin; blotchy with booze and pain. He feels a vague urge to punch Duncan in the face, not because he's done anything wrong, but just to see the red gently float over Duncan's features, and to feel it coating his hand. “Veronica,” Duncan says, mouthing the word more than anything - as if he's scared the sound will start an avalanche.
Cassidy nerves jump up screaming and burning alive, and he follows them off the deck chair - he wants to run. The guilt comes surging back like a flood, and there's just too much of it to beat down, not with Duncan looking like a bundle of hurt three feet away from him.
He's made maybe two steps away when Duncan's hand catches his wrist in a vice-like grip. Cassidy winces and gasps at the contact; he feels imprisoned and God knows how he doesn't want to remember that feeling. He takes two deep breaths, and forces himself to calm down - Duncan is a wreck, and none of this matters anyway, so there's no point to him getting worked up about it all. He presses the mute on (what's left of) his conscience's screams about Veronica; condemning him for what he did.
He looks Duncan square in the eye with carefully schooled blankness. Duncan doesn't say it, but Cassidy feels the word radiating off him: stay, stay, stay.
He's confused, and he doesn't know why the hell Duncan needs him there - him, of all people. But he does it.
Just because he's puzzled, and wants to figure out what is really ripping Duncan in half like an old and over-stressed piece of fabric. Not because he feels sorry when he sees how broken Duncan looks, or that he identifies with the helplessness, or that he's half-wishing Duncan will realize the truth and kill him in revenge, or that he just wants to spend some time with the other people living in their own personal hells.
Really.