Fic: Again and Again and Again (Sweden/Finland, Ensemble) PG-13 (3/?)
Title: Again and Again and Again
Author: hyperemmalawlz
Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia
Chapter: 4/?
Characters/Pairing: Sweden/Finland, Sweden/Latvia, Sealand (possibly some sort of Sealand/Latvia at some point?), Ensemble.
Word Count: 2260
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The wife, the child, the best friend, the possessor, the man, the boy. It's almost remarkable how many people can get hurt.
Warnings: Cheating, sexual references, swearing, slut-shaming, aging up, bad reasons for sexual relations, age differences in sexual relationships (not to the point of shota, though), complete world-ignorance.
Author's Notes: Written for hetalia_kink, the prompt: Sweden has an affair with someone and Finland comes home one day and catches them in the act. Then followed by a annnnngsty argument of some sort regarding said affair. I want to see some tears and shouting matches or whatever for our "happy couple". The person whom Sweden has an affair with can be anyone, but I'd particularly like Norway or Latvia. I have no idea why. The whole idea for this has grown way beyond what the prompt actually said - oops. Also, I am totally in two minds over whether or not to de-anon on this. The title comes from the Anne Sexton poem by the same name.
Chapter 4
Finland hears a knock on the door. He opens it, and finds Estonia standing before him. “Well, that was faster than I expected you to be.”
Estonia shrugs. “Lithuania and Latvia helped cover for me. I wanted to get here quickly.”
Finland blinks. Why would Latvia...? “Oh. Then... thank them for me, I guess.”
Actually don't, because I hate that piece of shit right now, but I can't say that because I don't want to make you crazy, and make Russia kill him. Much, anyway.
Estonia nods and steps inside, coming face-to-face with Sealand. Who just stands there. “Hi,” he says.
“Hi,” says Estonia.
Finland looks between his best friend and his son a little uncomfortably. No-one seems to know what to say. After a few seconds of awkwardness, Finland sighs. “Sealand, you mind going out for a few minutes, so I can talk to Estonia alone? You understand.”
“Can I have money?”
Finland rolls his eyes and fishes his wallet from the bedside table. “There,” he says, handing the boy a note. “And don't whine about the amount, okay?”
“I wasn't!” Sealand protests. “Anyway, see you later. And I will come back before he leaves, okay? Bye, Mr. Estonia.”
“Bye,” says Estonia as Sealand bounds out the door (Finland realises he doesn't actually know how much money he just gave away; oops), before turning back to Finland with a somber look. “So... you're pretty dedicated to this not telling him what's going on, then?”
Finland sighs. “Not yet.” He looks away. “Don't try and judge me. I... don't want to hurt him.”
Estonia cocks his head to the side. “I still don't understand how you could possibly plan on protecting him forever.”
Me neither. That goes for you too. “I didn't say forever,” he says. “Just long enough to make things... more settled.”
“He probably won't feel any more settled if he doesn't know what's going on.”
“Would you cut it out?!” snaps Finland; he does not need to get lectured about his actions by someone he's trying hard to protect. “This is really none of your business anyway; I know what I'm doing.”
Estonia seems taken aback by the uncharacteristic burst of aggression. “...Right. Sorry,” he says slowly. “I suppose I really don't understand.”
Finland sighs. Estonia is trying to do the right thing, after all. “No, I'm sorry,” he says. “You're just trying to help, after all. You might even be right. I just... I'm not sure what to do.”
“So you were lying, just then?”
“Shut up,” says Finland. Estonia chuckles. “To be honest... I think half the reason I'm not telling him is just because I can't bring myself to. He loves his father. He wouldn't want to find out... God, would he even believe me?! Especially given it's his-”
Finland bites down on his lip hard when he realises what he was about to say. Shit, shit, shit! He carefully examines Estonia's face for any hint he can figure what Finland almost revealed. He just looks confused.
“...What?”
“Nothing,” Finland says quickly. Estonia still seems confused, but doesn't press the issue - much to Finland's relief. He sighs heavily, pulling at the cover on his bed. “Maybe I'm just being selfish,” he muses. “Keeping secrets because it's just too hard to deal with... well, things that would happen if I told the truth.”
“Maybe,” says Estonia.
“But I have to have some kind of free pass with this, right?” he asks. “At least for a little while. This is... it hurts, and I'm really trying not to make people hurt as much as I do, so I get some kind of pass, right?”
Estonia sighs. “I'm not sure it works like that.”
Finland groans and buries his head in his hands. “Fuck,” he curses. “And I'm pretty sure I just gave Sealand entirely too much money, too.”
“Well, he's kind of spoiled anyway, so it can only do so much damage,” Estonia jokes, lightening the mood. Finland glares at him.
*
Sealand returns and Estonia and Finland censor their conversation again. Estonia still doesn't really agree with his best friend on hiding all this, but he guesses it really isn't his call to make.
“I really have to get home soon; my brothers can only cover for me so long.”
“They're not technically your brothers,” Finland points out.
“...True,” Estonia says. He's fallen into that habit - more with Latvia than Lithuania. Probably because Latvia is tiny and usually on the brink of death or other catastrophes. “Anyway, bye.”
“Bye,” says Finland.
He doesn't hear anything from Sealand, which is strange, but he dismisses it. Until he reaches the hotel elevator, waits for it to show up, turns around and sees the boy waiting behind him.
“Argh!” he cries out, more than a little embarrassingly. Sealand smirks. “Did - did you follow me out?”
Sealand shrugs. “Yeah, pretty much.”
“...Why?”
Sealand hesitates. “I wanted you do say hi to Latvia for me?”
“...You could have said that in the room,” Estonia points out. “Was that really it?”
“No, I want you to tell me what's going on.”
Estonia blinks. Shit. Fin's going to kill me... “You, uh, think I can?”
“You probably know more than me, because Mama's not trying to protect you, and I don't want to hurt him more by badgering him about what's going on, but I really should know. So I was just going to annoy you until you tell me... given how he sent me off to talk to you; I'm assuming he actually told you something. So, uh, yeah.”
Estonia winces. He does sort of agree Sealand should know why his family is like this right now, but Finland would kill him and it's not really his place to say, anyway.
Would Sealand even believe him?
He hesitates. “Sealand, I...”
“Did he tell you or not?”
“Well, yes, but I'm not sure I should tell you. You might not even believe me; I don't know.”
“Doesn't matter if I believe you or not; just give an explanation. I promise not to punch you in the face if it's something really bad,” Sealand says. “I mean... Mama already told me Papa did something that... hurt him, but I just need to know what's really going on, okay?”
Estonia sighs. Okay, screw it, he gives in. “Promise you won't tell Tino? I'm as scared of his sniper rifles as you are.”
“Promise.”
“Okay,” Estonia says. “I... don't know how to say this, but... what your Mama told me, was that Berwald cheated. He got home early and overheard Berwald... erm, with someone else, and that's why he had to leave.”
Estonia finishes his declaration with a grimace and a bite of his lip, and Sealand's jaw hangs open. “Papa... Papa wouldn't do that...”
“Said you wouldn't believe me.”
Sealand barely even seems to hear him, though; he seems shell-shocked by the news. “Huh? Oh, uh, sorry... Didn't mean to call you a liar or anything... Just... what? How? Why would he do that?” his voice is starting to crack up, and Estonia's heart rate shoots up in panic (if he'd made the kid cry, Finland will know he's said something, and Estonia's not that good with kids crying generally, despite the fact he lives with Latvia). “I mean... Mama and Papa, they've always been really happy and in love, right? And I don't think it could be a sex thing, because I have accidentally overheard stuff I really, really, really did not need to overhear a few times when I got home earlier than I was meant to, believe me.”
“Um, please don't cry; Finland will kill me if he figures out I told you...”
“I'm not crying,” says Sealand, though he almost is. “Just... how could he...?”
“I know, it's hard to believe your father-”
“Not just him, though; I mean - who'd do that anyway, if they knew about Mama and knew about me... Did Mama tell you who it was? What horrible, evil, selfish monster would...”
“He only overheard, apparently; he didn't see anything. He doesn't know,” says Estonia.
“Oh.” Sealand sniffles back the last threats of tears, and places some form of his normal face on. “Well, uh... thanks for telling me, I guess. And do say hi to Latvia for me too, because he only gets out...”
Estonia nods. “Of course,” he says, squeezing Sealand's shoulder. “And - be careful, alright?”
“Okay,” says Sealand. “I know how to protect myself.”
Estonia smiles and steps into the elevator (it's open there for a lot longer than necessary; thank god this isn't a very busy hotel). Maybe he should regret what he just did. Maybe not.
*
Latvia feels sick. He's been pacing on the spot ever since Estonia went out to visit Finland, and that was a couple of hours ago. His nerves are driving him crazy (and to be honest, he may have drunk a little more than would be strictly helpful).
Calm down, he assures himself, digging his nails into his palm. Maybe Estonia will understand. Or at least give you a chance to explain. Or maybe Finland won't tell him at all, who knows?
Of course, there's no reason Finland wouldn't because he hates Latvia, and rightfully so. Latvia's not sure if he could make Estonia understand - if he wants Estonia to understand, or even what this understanding would be. That's he's so pathetic he'd trail after a married man, his best friends father, just to feel like he used to, once upon a time?
He wipes away tears with the back of his hand. Always about to cry, so stupid and weak and fragile...
He's startled out of his reverie by the door slamming and the sound of footsteps. Estonia comes into the room. “Oh, Estonia, you're back,” he says, trying to sound nonchalant and not on the edge of a complete psychological breakdown (more than he usually sounds, anyway). “So, um... how is he?”
“Oh, hey. Sealand says hi.” Latvia eyes him warily - he still doesn't know if that's 'Sealand says hi sarcastically and bitterly because he hates you now for being the whore who tore his family apart', or 'Sealand says hi genuinely because he is naive and innocent and think you actually deserve his friendship, for one reason or another.'
“Oh, I - I guess that's good. I mean...” Latvia trails off. Alright, time to bite the bullet. “...What did Finland tell you?”
Estonia sighs. “He feels hurt; he knows he shouldn't be keeping so many secrets,” he says. Latvia frowns in confusion - Finland's keeping secrets? “I... you know, I should probably tell you what's going on if you're asking questions. I mean, I told Sealand, so it'd be a bit hypocritical to keep hiding things. Plus - I know Sweden had you occupied for a long time and you cared about him a lot, but it's been centuries and he was an invader, so you shouldn't be too devastated if I tell you he did something less than great, right?”
The way Latvia's clung to his history with Sweden is insane, and Estonia's right. Nonetheless, he's confused by the fact Estonia actually doesn't seem to have a clue he has anything to do with this. “Of course. But what did he do?”
“He cheated.” Well, yes. “Finland found out, and... took Sealand and they're staying in a hotel. Also, he hasn't told Sealand what's going on, and I don't think he'd be too happy if he knew I'd told you, so don't mention it to him.”
Latvia's not sure whether to cry or laugh. But first he has to ask a question because he's confused. “So, um... did Finland say who Sweden cheated with?”
“He doesn't know,” says Estonia. “He only overheard; he didn't see anything.”
“Oh.” That's a lie. Finland saw him perfectly well, and was furious about it - why would Finland cover for him? Some kind of blackmail; revenge?
Estonia sighs. “Anyway, I'm sure I'm far behind on my chores by now. Bye Latvia.”
“Bye,” he answers, and as soon as Estonia's gone he sinks down onto a chair, feeling even sicker. No-one knows. He deserves them to know, right? Deserves to lose his best friend, his pseudo-brothers' respect, be branded as the whore he is - doesn't he? So why is Finland covering for him? Why doesn't anyone know? And why does this make him feel worse; why isn't he relieved or grateful?
The sick feeling turns into a throbbing pain in his head, and Latvia can't stand all this. He needs something to stop feeling this way, this hopeless and hurt and - and the alcohol before only made him worse. He knows what could make him feel better... but no, he can't, right? After what he did to the family? And how much leeway he's been given? How can he even think...
But on the other hand, there's nothing really stopping him anymore.
Author: hyperemmalawlz
Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia
Chapter: 4/?
Characters/Pairing: Sweden/Finland, Sweden/Latvia, Sealand (possibly some sort of Sealand/Latvia at some point?), Ensemble.
Word Count: 2260
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The wife, the child, the best friend, the possessor, the man, the boy. It's almost remarkable how many people can get hurt.
Warnings: Cheating, sexual references, swearing, slut-shaming, aging up, bad reasons for sexual relations, age differences in sexual relationships (not to the point of shota, though), complete world-ignorance.
Author's Notes: Written for hetalia_kink, the prompt: Sweden has an affair with someone and Finland comes home one day and catches them in the act. Then followed by a annnnngsty argument of some sort regarding said affair. I want to see some tears and shouting matches or whatever for our "happy couple". The person whom Sweden has an affair with can be anyone, but I'd particularly like Norway or Latvia. I have no idea why. The whole idea for this has grown way beyond what the prompt actually said - oops. Also, I am totally in two minds over whether or not to de-anon on this. The title comes from the Anne Sexton poem by the same name.
Chapter 4
Finland hears a knock on the door. He opens it, and finds Estonia standing before him. “Well, that was faster than I expected you to be.”
Estonia shrugs. “Lithuania and Latvia helped cover for me. I wanted to get here quickly.”
Finland blinks. Why would Latvia...? “Oh. Then... thank them for me, I guess.”
Actually don't, because I hate that piece of shit right now, but I can't say that because I don't want to make you crazy, and make Russia kill him. Much, anyway.
Estonia nods and steps inside, coming face-to-face with Sealand. Who just stands there. “Hi,” he says.
“Hi,” says Estonia.
Finland looks between his best friend and his son a little uncomfortably. No-one seems to know what to say. After a few seconds of awkwardness, Finland sighs. “Sealand, you mind going out for a few minutes, so I can talk to Estonia alone? You understand.”
“Can I have money?”
Finland rolls his eyes and fishes his wallet from the bedside table. “There,” he says, handing the boy a note. “And don't whine about the amount, okay?”
“I wasn't!” Sealand protests. “Anyway, see you later. And I will come back before he leaves, okay? Bye, Mr. Estonia.”
“Bye,” says Estonia as Sealand bounds out the door (Finland realises he doesn't actually know how much money he just gave away; oops), before turning back to Finland with a somber look. “So... you're pretty dedicated to this not telling him what's going on, then?”
Finland sighs. “Not yet.” He looks away. “Don't try and judge me. I... don't want to hurt him.”
Estonia cocks his head to the side. “I still don't understand how you could possibly plan on protecting him forever.”
Me neither. That goes for you too. “I didn't say forever,” he says. “Just long enough to make things... more settled.”
“He probably won't feel any more settled if he doesn't know what's going on.”
“Would you cut it out?!” snaps Finland; he does not need to get lectured about his actions by someone he's trying hard to protect. “This is really none of your business anyway; I know what I'm doing.”
Estonia seems taken aback by the uncharacteristic burst of aggression. “...Right. Sorry,” he says slowly. “I suppose I really don't understand.”
Finland sighs. Estonia is trying to do the right thing, after all. “No, I'm sorry,” he says. “You're just trying to help, after all. You might even be right. I just... I'm not sure what to do.”
“So you were lying, just then?”
“Shut up,” says Finland. Estonia chuckles. “To be honest... I think half the reason I'm not telling him is just because I can't bring myself to. He loves his father. He wouldn't want to find out... God, would he even believe me?! Especially given it's his-”
Finland bites down on his lip hard when he realises what he was about to say. Shit, shit, shit! He carefully examines Estonia's face for any hint he can figure what Finland almost revealed. He just looks confused.
“...What?”
“Nothing,” Finland says quickly. Estonia still seems confused, but doesn't press the issue - much to Finland's relief. He sighs heavily, pulling at the cover on his bed. “Maybe I'm just being selfish,” he muses. “Keeping secrets because it's just too hard to deal with... well, things that would happen if I told the truth.”
“Maybe,” says Estonia.
“But I have to have some kind of free pass with this, right?” he asks. “At least for a little while. This is... it hurts, and I'm really trying not to make people hurt as much as I do, so I get some kind of pass, right?”
Estonia sighs. “I'm not sure it works like that.”
Finland groans and buries his head in his hands. “Fuck,” he curses. “And I'm pretty sure I just gave Sealand entirely too much money, too.”
“Well, he's kind of spoiled anyway, so it can only do so much damage,” Estonia jokes, lightening the mood. Finland glares at him.
*
Sealand returns and Estonia and Finland censor their conversation again. Estonia still doesn't really agree with his best friend on hiding all this, but he guesses it really isn't his call to make.
“I really have to get home soon; my brothers can only cover for me so long.”
“They're not technically your brothers,” Finland points out.
“...True,” Estonia says. He's fallen into that habit - more with Latvia than Lithuania. Probably because Latvia is tiny and usually on the brink of death or other catastrophes. “Anyway, bye.”
“Bye,” says Finland.
He doesn't hear anything from Sealand, which is strange, but he dismisses it. Until he reaches the hotel elevator, waits for it to show up, turns around and sees the boy waiting behind him.
“Argh!” he cries out, more than a little embarrassingly. Sealand smirks. “Did - did you follow me out?”
Sealand shrugs. “Yeah, pretty much.”
“...Why?”
Sealand hesitates. “I wanted you do say hi to Latvia for me?”
“...You could have said that in the room,” Estonia points out. “Was that really it?”
“No, I want you to tell me what's going on.”
Estonia blinks. Shit. Fin's going to kill me... “You, uh, think I can?”
“You probably know more than me, because Mama's not trying to protect you, and I don't want to hurt him more by badgering him about what's going on, but I really should know. So I was just going to annoy you until you tell me... given how he sent me off to talk to you; I'm assuming he actually told you something. So, uh, yeah.”
Estonia winces. He does sort of agree Sealand should know why his family is like this right now, but Finland would kill him and it's not really his place to say, anyway.
Would Sealand even believe him?
He hesitates. “Sealand, I...”
“Did he tell you or not?”
“Well, yes, but I'm not sure I should tell you. You might not even believe me; I don't know.”
“Doesn't matter if I believe you or not; just give an explanation. I promise not to punch you in the face if it's something really bad,” Sealand says. “I mean... Mama already told me Papa did something that... hurt him, but I just need to know what's really going on, okay?”
Estonia sighs. Okay, screw it, he gives in. “Promise you won't tell Tino? I'm as scared of his sniper rifles as you are.”
“Promise.”
“Okay,” Estonia says. “I... don't know how to say this, but... what your Mama told me, was that Berwald cheated. He got home early and overheard Berwald... erm, with someone else, and that's why he had to leave.”
Estonia finishes his declaration with a grimace and a bite of his lip, and Sealand's jaw hangs open. “Papa... Papa wouldn't do that...”
“Said you wouldn't believe me.”
Sealand barely even seems to hear him, though; he seems shell-shocked by the news. “Huh? Oh, uh, sorry... Didn't mean to call you a liar or anything... Just... what? How? Why would he do that?” his voice is starting to crack up, and Estonia's heart rate shoots up in panic (if he'd made the kid cry, Finland will know he's said something, and Estonia's not that good with kids crying generally, despite the fact he lives with Latvia). “I mean... Mama and Papa, they've always been really happy and in love, right? And I don't think it could be a sex thing, because I have accidentally overheard stuff I really, really, really did not need to overhear a few times when I got home earlier than I was meant to, believe me.”
“Um, please don't cry; Finland will kill me if he figures out I told you...”
“I'm not crying,” says Sealand, though he almost is. “Just... how could he...?”
“I know, it's hard to believe your father-”
“Not just him, though; I mean - who'd do that anyway, if they knew about Mama and knew about me... Did Mama tell you who it was? What horrible, evil, selfish monster would...”
“He only overheard, apparently; he didn't see anything. He doesn't know,” says Estonia.
“Oh.” Sealand sniffles back the last threats of tears, and places some form of his normal face on. “Well, uh... thanks for telling me, I guess. And do say hi to Latvia for me too, because he only gets out...”
Estonia nods. “Of course,” he says, squeezing Sealand's shoulder. “And - be careful, alright?”
“Okay,” says Sealand. “I know how to protect myself.”
Estonia smiles and steps into the elevator (it's open there for a lot longer than necessary; thank god this isn't a very busy hotel). Maybe he should regret what he just did. Maybe not.
*
Latvia feels sick. He's been pacing on the spot ever since Estonia went out to visit Finland, and that was a couple of hours ago. His nerves are driving him crazy (and to be honest, he may have drunk a little more than would be strictly helpful).
Calm down, he assures himself, digging his nails into his palm. Maybe Estonia will understand. Or at least give you a chance to explain. Or maybe Finland won't tell him at all, who knows?
Of course, there's no reason Finland wouldn't because he hates Latvia, and rightfully so. Latvia's not sure if he could make Estonia understand - if he wants Estonia to understand, or even what this understanding would be. That's he's so pathetic he'd trail after a married man, his best friends father, just to feel like he used to, once upon a time?
He wipes away tears with the back of his hand. Always about to cry, so stupid and weak and fragile...
He's startled out of his reverie by the door slamming and the sound of footsteps. Estonia comes into the room. “Oh, Estonia, you're back,” he says, trying to sound nonchalant and not on the edge of a complete psychological breakdown (more than he usually sounds, anyway). “So, um... how is he?”
“Oh, hey. Sealand says hi.” Latvia eyes him warily - he still doesn't know if that's 'Sealand says hi sarcastically and bitterly because he hates you now for being the whore who tore his family apart', or 'Sealand says hi genuinely because he is naive and innocent and think you actually deserve his friendship, for one reason or another.'
“Oh, I - I guess that's good. I mean...” Latvia trails off. Alright, time to bite the bullet. “...What did Finland tell you?”
Estonia sighs. “He feels hurt; he knows he shouldn't be keeping so many secrets,” he says. Latvia frowns in confusion - Finland's keeping secrets? “I... you know, I should probably tell you what's going on if you're asking questions. I mean, I told Sealand, so it'd be a bit hypocritical to keep hiding things. Plus - I know Sweden had you occupied for a long time and you cared about him a lot, but it's been centuries and he was an invader, so you shouldn't be too devastated if I tell you he did something less than great, right?”
The way Latvia's clung to his history with Sweden is insane, and Estonia's right. Nonetheless, he's confused by the fact Estonia actually doesn't seem to have a clue he has anything to do with this. “Of course. But what did he do?”
“He cheated.” Well, yes. “Finland found out, and... took Sealand and they're staying in a hotel. Also, he hasn't told Sealand what's going on, and I don't think he'd be too happy if he knew I'd told you, so don't mention it to him.”
Latvia's not sure whether to cry or laugh. But first he has to ask a question because he's confused. “So, um... did Finland say who Sweden cheated with?”
“He doesn't know,” says Estonia. “He only overheard; he didn't see anything.”
“Oh.” That's a lie. Finland saw him perfectly well, and was furious about it - why would Finland cover for him? Some kind of blackmail; revenge?
Estonia sighs. “Anyway, I'm sure I'm far behind on my chores by now. Bye Latvia.”
“Bye,” he answers, and as soon as Estonia's gone he sinks down onto a chair, feeling even sicker. No-one knows. He deserves them to know, right? Deserves to lose his best friend, his pseudo-brothers' respect, be branded as the whore he is - doesn't he? So why is Finland covering for him? Why doesn't anyone know? And why does this make him feel worse; why isn't he relieved or grateful?
The sick feeling turns into a throbbing pain in his head, and Latvia can't stand all this. He needs something to stop feeling this way, this hopeless and hurt and - and the alcohol before only made him worse. He knows what could make him feel better... but no, he can't, right? After what he did to the family? And how much leeway he's been given? How can he even think...
But on the other hand, there's nothing really stopping him anymore.