Fic: Ignorance And (Finn, Kurt) R
Title: Ignorance And
Author: hyperemmalawlz
Fandom: Glee
Characters/Pairing: Finn, Kurt. Also Burt and Carole.
Word Count: 2125
Rating: R.
Summary: Finn's breathing starts to return to normal. Kurt's just asleep. He wasn't trying to hurt you. And with a sick feeling - guilt - Finn realizes he should have figured that out as soon as he felt Kurt pressed against him.
Spoilers: Up to 2x08, "Furt."
Warnings: Sexual assault, sexsomnia, swearing, internalized victim blaming, talk of homophobia and offensive language.
Author's Notes: Written for the glee_angst_meme, the prompt: "Kurt suffers from sexsomnia. Up to anon if it's Blaine or Finn who Kurt tries/does have sex with."
Ignorance And
Finn's feet are hot.
He frowns at this and tries to shuffle them away from the source of the heat. It doesn't work; the heat just follows him. It feels weird and solid, like - like skin.
Finn starts to panic just a bit, and fully awake now, he realizes there are hands around his waist. Smooth, soft hands.
“Kurt-” he chokes out, breath coming out shallow. And he just freezes as he feels it, pressed up against his right buttcheek - Kurt's hard.
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh god no, Finn's mind babbles as Kurt's hips move against him, mouth pressed against his neck. Finn shakes on the spot, jerking away from the contact, but he can't just make himself move. He doesn't know what to do.
“Kurt, what are you-” Finn cuts himself off as Kurt moves to the left just a bit, his... his dick getting caught... there. Finn gives a fearful whimper, and Kurt's fingers dig into his stomach slightly. Ow, he thinks.
“Kurt, stop,” he pleads, still frozen. Kurt doesn't seem to listen. He doesn't know why - about either Kurt not hearing, or why he can't or won't move. He doesn't understand what's happening. He wants to cry. He trusted Kurt, didn't he?
He didn't to start, he knows that. But he was being a homophobic dick, just a bit, so he thought that was wrong. He thought he'd convinced himself that, even if Kurt got a little creepy at times, he'd have never have done anything... physical. And now...?
“Kurt, please,” Finn says, and he's starting to cry. Logically, he knows he could fight Kurt off. He's like, twice the guy's size. But he can't just make his body move; it's still in 'what the hell is happening to me and what do I do?' mode. Except he knows what to do. It's confusing.
“No,” Finn groans as Kurt - oh fuck, Kurt's humping him. He squirms away slightly and his arms push back, which at least reassures him he hasn't woken up in that state people sometimes get when they're paralyzed in the middle of the night. But he still can't push Kurt away, and he doesn't know why.
Kurt still doesn't answer, still doesn't say a word, and Finn's crying for real now. He wonders why Kurt won't even say anything to him; won't tell him at least to relax and that it'll feel good and he deserved it or... something. He doesn't know what people are meant to say when they're...
Finn's crying for real now, hands clenching in the sheets - he thinks he should be like, punching Kurt in the face, but all he does is whine and beg like an idiot. “Kurt, stop. Please? Please, just - just talk to me, okay? Come on, man, you don't want to do this. Please, just stop...”
He's ignored. He is saying no and Kurt is just ignoring it. He knows he was kind of exaggerating when he chewed Kurt out for not knowing that 'no means no', because he didn't technically say no in so many words (not that Kurt was really honest about hitting on him enough for Finn to anyway), but he is now and that has to count, right? Then why isn't Kurt stopping? Is it just because he's not moving or anything, so Kurt thinks he doesn't really mean it? That's not fair though; he doesn't know why he can't make himself move, but it's not because he wants it.
And there's a bite, sharp on his collarbone. Finn yelps in pain - ow! Kurt ignores him, which... isn't that surprising right now. His arms wrapped around Finn's stomach hold him tighter, hands twisting in Finn's dumb Power Rangers T-shirt. Finn's practically choking on his own tears, yanking his hips away to the point where it might almost seem he's thrusting back. Oh fuck.
And there's a sound.
A snore.
That sound confuses Finn enough to break his panic just a bit; enough to turn his head around and finally look at Kurt. His eyes are fixed shut and his mouth is hanging open, wide enough to give quiet snores like that every once in awhile.
Kurt's still asleep.
Finn's body finally comes back to reality and he rolls on his side and away fast, breaking away from Kurt's grip and having to hold onto the side of the bed not to just fall off. Then he pounces, getting Kurt pinned down by the wrists. Kurt just lies there, looking like he's sleeping totally normally - except for where his boner is holding up the covers of Finn's bed (then again, it's not like Finn's dick always just plays dead when he's off in snoozeland either).
Finn's breathing starts to return to normal. Kurt's just asleep. He wasn't trying to hurt you.
And with a sick feeling - guilt - Finn realizes he should have figured that out as soon as he felt Kurt pressed against him.
Of course. Kurt would never do something like that - Kurt's a good guy. Also, Finn is big and Kurt would probably be scared off getting his ass kicked. Which isn't really the point.
He thought Kurt would do that to him? Really? Kurt might have crossed some boundaries back when he liked Finn, but that ended months ago and - Finn never lost that much faith in the guy. He just...
...He was being a homophobic douchebag. Kurt's gay so Finn thought he was doing it on purpose. That was it, right? Who just assumes the worst when something like that is happening? He wants to be sick, but he'd probably puke on Kurt's face and that would wake him up.
The tension seems to be fading from Kurt's body and maybe even his hard-on is wilting a bit, so Finn - pretty reluctantly - slowly lets go of his wrists. Nothing happens. Kurt just lies there, dead to the world.
Finn feels about as dumb as he does douchey.
He uses his free hands to wipe the tears from his face. He shouldn't be crying. Kurt wasn't trying to hurt him, right? - Kurt's still asleep. He's heard of stuff like this. Guys on the internet who get accused of rape and stuff, except they have this condition where they can't help it and it all happens when they're asleep. Like sleepwalking. But with sex. Finn has no reason to be crying... no-one wanted to hurt him.
Finn takes a shaky breath, and stands up. He can't just let Kurt lie there in his bed; it'd be... suspicious. Kurt weighs like, twenty pounds anyway; Finn knows he can pick the guy up no problem.
He can carry Kurt across to his bed like Tarzan that easily, but he couldn't get away from his arms for like, ten minutes? Really?
Finn shakes the thoughts away and gingerly scoops his arms under Kurt's back and knees, praying the guy won't suddenly wake up and make Finn explain why he's in Finn's bed and why Finn is crying on him. Luckily, Kurt doesn't. Finn picks him up and walks with him, Kurt laying in his arms like that chick in that Shakespeare play he had to study in English last year.
He puts Kurt down carefully on his bed, unable not to stare at the last signs of a boner. It makes him want to be sick again. So he pulls the covers up to hide it from view (and because he doesn't want Kurt getting cold or anything), tucking him in as best he can. His hands are shaking and a few tears are still coming out his eyes, no matter how much he's trying to stop them. Dammit.
With a heavy sigh, Finn makes his way across to his own bed. He lies on his side like before, but feels a prickling sensation at being unable to see Kurt. He rolls onto his other side, staring at his stepbrother. Kurt looks... peaceful. Well, good for him then.
Finn whimpers and wraps his arms around himself, like he's five and has torn half the skin on his shin off again (he did that once. Ow). Dude, get over it. Kurt didn't do anything wrong.
Finn knows that's true - you can't control what happens when you're asleep. Finn once had a dream where Mr. Schue had to execute Puck by ripping out his guts but it was all very sad because Puck had been molested as a child by that president who eats babies on Futurama or something. What just happened - it was like a dream. Something your brain does when you're asleep and so you can't be blamed for it. So Kurt didn't betray him or anything, so why does Finn feel like falling apart and crying for his mommy?
He shakes his head, and thinks he should just try to get back to sleep. It doesn't work - he can't stop staring at Kurt, making sure he stays still in his bed, and he winds up crying like a little girl again.
He hides his head under the covers so he won't wake Kurt up.
*
The next morning, he heads straight for coffee. He didn't really get back to sleep.
“Morning, sweetheart,” says Mom, cheerful and sipping her orange juice. She kisses him on the cheek.
“Hey,” he says. “You're cheery.”
“I always am. Only way to survive my damn work day,” she says, and - yeah. She jokes about it, but work's always been major stress for Mom. It makes him kind of uncomfortable.
Burt gives her a look from the kitchen doorway, and - hey, when did he get there? “You don't have to work so much, you know. We have the money?”
“Not trying to undermine my autonomy as a woman, are you Mr. Hummel?” Mom asks, teasing, and it's so sweet Finn kind of forgets to ask what 'autonomy' means.
“Ugh. Dad, Carole, it is entirely too early in the day for you to give me a cavity already.”
That's Kurt. Finn turns back to his coffee, unable to look Kurt in the eyes. He should be able to. Most of the time, he'd just turn back and make some kind of a joke about just how much Kurt is not a morning person. But he can't today. It's not fair, because Kurt hasn't done anything wrong, but Finn's just...
A dick.
“Finn? Are you okay?”
Kurt's suddenly at his side and Finn finally meets his eyes; concerned and like, crazy-intense. Finn has to look away pretty quickly.
“Huh? Yeah, I'm fine.”
Kurt smiles. “Very well. Then, do you mind making me a cup of coffee as well? You're making one for yourself and, well, I don't function well without it. And the powdered brown chalk Dalton provides... ick.”
Finn nods along as he pulls out another cup, glad for an excuse to avoid Kurt's eyes. He shouldn't need to avoid Kurt's eyes though. Kurt didn't do anything to him, and Finn thinks it's just that subconscious homophobic dick streak shining through. He just wishes that would go away - both because it's so unfair on Kurt, and right now, it's making him feel awful. He feels hurt and scared and violated, and really he just wants someone to hold him and tell him it's going to be okay, but he doesn't deserve the sympathy. He doesn't want to be, but he's pretty sure on some level he's going, Ew, that fag almost got his dick in me!
He feels like shit. And he can't find a reason to, so he thinks it's that, and... he knows he's wrong, and he's just making himself worse, so he doesn't know why his mind won't let this feeling go.
It hurts. It hurts a lot. But it wouldn't be fair to make everyone else deal with it, so instead he just focuses on the coffee.
“Here you go,” he says once he's done, and Kurt reaches to take it with a grateful smile.
“Thank you, Finn.”
His hand closes over Finn's for just a second.
Finn doesn't mean to, and it doesn't last long, but when he feels Kurt touching him he just - freezes up. He doesn't think Kurt notices, or his mom, but...
Burt gives him a wary look out of the corner of his eye.
Finn shakes his head and turns back to preparing his own coffee. He's not going to talk about this. He doesn't want to make everyone stress, and... he doesn't need Burt to call out his homophobia again.
Author: hyperemmalawlz
Fandom: Glee
Characters/Pairing: Finn, Kurt. Also Burt and Carole.
Word Count: 2125
Rating: R.
Summary: Finn's breathing starts to return to normal. Kurt's just asleep. He wasn't trying to hurt you. And with a sick feeling - guilt - Finn realizes he should have figured that out as soon as he felt Kurt pressed against him.
Spoilers: Up to 2x08, "Furt."
Warnings: Sexual assault, sexsomnia, swearing, internalized victim blaming, talk of homophobia and offensive language.
Author's Notes: Written for the glee_angst_meme, the prompt: "Kurt suffers from sexsomnia. Up to anon if it's Blaine or Finn who Kurt tries/does have sex with."
Ignorance And
Finn's feet are hot.
He frowns at this and tries to shuffle them away from the source of the heat. It doesn't work; the heat just follows him. It feels weird and solid, like - like skin.
Finn starts to panic just a bit, and fully awake now, he realizes there are hands around his waist. Smooth, soft hands.
“Kurt-” he chokes out, breath coming out shallow. And he just freezes as he feels it, pressed up against his right buttcheek - Kurt's hard.
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh god no, Finn's mind babbles as Kurt's hips move against him, mouth pressed against his neck. Finn shakes on the spot, jerking away from the contact, but he can't just make himself move. He doesn't know what to do.
“Kurt, what are you-” Finn cuts himself off as Kurt moves to the left just a bit, his... his dick getting caught... there. Finn gives a fearful whimper, and Kurt's fingers dig into his stomach slightly. Ow, he thinks.
“Kurt, stop,” he pleads, still frozen. Kurt doesn't seem to listen. He doesn't know why - about either Kurt not hearing, or why he can't or won't move. He doesn't understand what's happening. He wants to cry. He trusted Kurt, didn't he?
He didn't to start, he knows that. But he was being a homophobic dick, just a bit, so he thought that was wrong. He thought he'd convinced himself that, even if Kurt got a little creepy at times, he'd have never have done anything... physical. And now...?
“Kurt, please,” Finn says, and he's starting to cry. Logically, he knows he could fight Kurt off. He's like, twice the guy's size. But he can't just make his body move; it's still in 'what the hell is happening to me and what do I do?' mode. Except he knows what to do. It's confusing.
“No,” Finn groans as Kurt - oh fuck, Kurt's humping him. He squirms away slightly and his arms push back, which at least reassures him he hasn't woken up in that state people sometimes get when they're paralyzed in the middle of the night. But he still can't push Kurt away, and he doesn't know why.
Kurt still doesn't answer, still doesn't say a word, and Finn's crying for real now. He wonders why Kurt won't even say anything to him; won't tell him at least to relax and that it'll feel good and he deserved it or... something. He doesn't know what people are meant to say when they're...
Finn's crying for real now, hands clenching in the sheets - he thinks he should be like, punching Kurt in the face, but all he does is whine and beg like an idiot. “Kurt, stop. Please? Please, just - just talk to me, okay? Come on, man, you don't want to do this. Please, just stop...”
He's ignored. He is saying no and Kurt is just ignoring it. He knows he was kind of exaggerating when he chewed Kurt out for not knowing that 'no means no', because he didn't technically say no in so many words (not that Kurt was really honest about hitting on him enough for Finn to anyway), but he is now and that has to count, right? Then why isn't Kurt stopping? Is it just because he's not moving or anything, so Kurt thinks he doesn't really mean it? That's not fair though; he doesn't know why he can't make himself move, but it's not because he wants it.
And there's a bite, sharp on his collarbone. Finn yelps in pain - ow! Kurt ignores him, which... isn't that surprising right now. His arms wrapped around Finn's stomach hold him tighter, hands twisting in Finn's dumb Power Rangers T-shirt. Finn's practically choking on his own tears, yanking his hips away to the point where it might almost seem he's thrusting back. Oh fuck.
And there's a sound.
A snore.
That sound confuses Finn enough to break his panic just a bit; enough to turn his head around and finally look at Kurt. His eyes are fixed shut and his mouth is hanging open, wide enough to give quiet snores like that every once in awhile.
Kurt's still asleep.
Finn's body finally comes back to reality and he rolls on his side and away fast, breaking away from Kurt's grip and having to hold onto the side of the bed not to just fall off. Then he pounces, getting Kurt pinned down by the wrists. Kurt just lies there, looking like he's sleeping totally normally - except for where his boner is holding up the covers of Finn's bed (then again, it's not like Finn's dick always just plays dead when he's off in snoozeland either).
Finn's breathing starts to return to normal. Kurt's just asleep. He wasn't trying to hurt you.
And with a sick feeling - guilt - Finn realizes he should have figured that out as soon as he felt Kurt pressed against him.
Of course. Kurt would never do something like that - Kurt's a good guy. Also, Finn is big and Kurt would probably be scared off getting his ass kicked. Which isn't really the point.
He thought Kurt would do that to him? Really? Kurt might have crossed some boundaries back when he liked Finn, but that ended months ago and - Finn never lost that much faith in the guy. He just...
...He was being a homophobic douchebag. Kurt's gay so Finn thought he was doing it on purpose. That was it, right? Who just assumes the worst when something like that is happening? He wants to be sick, but he'd probably puke on Kurt's face and that would wake him up.
The tension seems to be fading from Kurt's body and maybe even his hard-on is wilting a bit, so Finn - pretty reluctantly - slowly lets go of his wrists. Nothing happens. Kurt just lies there, dead to the world.
Finn feels about as dumb as he does douchey.
He uses his free hands to wipe the tears from his face. He shouldn't be crying. Kurt wasn't trying to hurt him, right? - Kurt's still asleep. He's heard of stuff like this. Guys on the internet who get accused of rape and stuff, except they have this condition where they can't help it and it all happens when they're asleep. Like sleepwalking. But with sex. Finn has no reason to be crying... no-one wanted to hurt him.
Finn takes a shaky breath, and stands up. He can't just let Kurt lie there in his bed; it'd be... suspicious. Kurt weighs like, twenty pounds anyway; Finn knows he can pick the guy up no problem.
He can carry Kurt across to his bed like Tarzan that easily, but he couldn't get away from his arms for like, ten minutes? Really?
Finn shakes the thoughts away and gingerly scoops his arms under Kurt's back and knees, praying the guy won't suddenly wake up and make Finn explain why he's in Finn's bed and why Finn is crying on him. Luckily, Kurt doesn't. Finn picks him up and walks with him, Kurt laying in his arms like that chick in that Shakespeare play he had to study in English last year.
He puts Kurt down carefully on his bed, unable not to stare at the last signs of a boner. It makes him want to be sick again. So he pulls the covers up to hide it from view (and because he doesn't want Kurt getting cold or anything), tucking him in as best he can. His hands are shaking and a few tears are still coming out his eyes, no matter how much he's trying to stop them. Dammit.
With a heavy sigh, Finn makes his way across to his own bed. He lies on his side like before, but feels a prickling sensation at being unable to see Kurt. He rolls onto his other side, staring at his stepbrother. Kurt looks... peaceful. Well, good for him then.
Finn whimpers and wraps his arms around himself, like he's five and has torn half the skin on his shin off again (he did that once. Ow). Dude, get over it. Kurt didn't do anything wrong.
Finn knows that's true - you can't control what happens when you're asleep. Finn once had a dream where Mr. Schue had to execute Puck by ripping out his guts but it was all very sad because Puck had been molested as a child by that president who eats babies on Futurama or something. What just happened - it was like a dream. Something your brain does when you're asleep and so you can't be blamed for it. So Kurt didn't betray him or anything, so why does Finn feel like falling apart and crying for his mommy?
He shakes his head, and thinks he should just try to get back to sleep. It doesn't work - he can't stop staring at Kurt, making sure he stays still in his bed, and he winds up crying like a little girl again.
He hides his head under the covers so he won't wake Kurt up.
*
The next morning, he heads straight for coffee. He didn't really get back to sleep.
“Morning, sweetheart,” says Mom, cheerful and sipping her orange juice. She kisses him on the cheek.
“Hey,” he says. “You're cheery.”
“I always am. Only way to survive my damn work day,” she says, and - yeah. She jokes about it, but work's always been major stress for Mom. It makes him kind of uncomfortable.
Burt gives her a look from the kitchen doorway, and - hey, when did he get there? “You don't have to work so much, you know. We have the money?”
“Not trying to undermine my autonomy as a woman, are you Mr. Hummel?” Mom asks, teasing, and it's so sweet Finn kind of forgets to ask what 'autonomy' means.
“Ugh. Dad, Carole, it is entirely too early in the day for you to give me a cavity already.”
That's Kurt. Finn turns back to his coffee, unable to look Kurt in the eyes. He should be able to. Most of the time, he'd just turn back and make some kind of a joke about just how much Kurt is not a morning person. But he can't today. It's not fair, because Kurt hasn't done anything wrong, but Finn's just...
A dick.
“Finn? Are you okay?”
Kurt's suddenly at his side and Finn finally meets his eyes; concerned and like, crazy-intense. Finn has to look away pretty quickly.
“Huh? Yeah, I'm fine.”
Kurt smiles. “Very well. Then, do you mind making me a cup of coffee as well? You're making one for yourself and, well, I don't function well without it. And the powdered brown chalk Dalton provides... ick.”
Finn nods along as he pulls out another cup, glad for an excuse to avoid Kurt's eyes. He shouldn't need to avoid Kurt's eyes though. Kurt didn't do anything to him, and Finn thinks it's just that subconscious homophobic dick streak shining through. He just wishes that would go away - both because it's so unfair on Kurt, and right now, it's making him feel awful. He feels hurt and scared and violated, and really he just wants someone to hold him and tell him it's going to be okay, but he doesn't deserve the sympathy. He doesn't want to be, but he's pretty sure on some level he's going, Ew, that fag almost got his dick in me!
He feels like shit. And he can't find a reason to, so he thinks it's that, and... he knows he's wrong, and he's just making himself worse, so he doesn't know why his mind won't let this feeling go.
It hurts. It hurts a lot. But it wouldn't be fair to make everyone else deal with it, so instead he just focuses on the coffee.
“Here you go,” he says once he's done, and Kurt reaches to take it with a grateful smile.
“Thank you, Finn.”
His hand closes over Finn's for just a second.
Finn doesn't mean to, and it doesn't last long, but when he feels Kurt touching him he just - freezes up. He doesn't think Kurt notices, or his mom, but...
Burt gives him a wary look out of the corner of his eye.
Finn shakes his head and turns back to preparing his own coffee. He's not going to talk about this. He doesn't want to make everyone stress, and... he doesn't need Burt to call out his homophobia again.