Fic: Acting is Just Pretentious, Temporary Suicide (Kurt/Blaine, NC-17)
Title: Acting is Just Pretentious, Temporary Suicide
Author: hyperemmalawlz
Fandom: Glee
Characters/Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Word Count: 3475
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Kurt offers to fulfill a fantasy for Blaine. Blaine comes up with a fantasy for him to fulfill. It ends terribly.
Spoilers: Up to 2x09, "Special Education."
Warnings: Rape roleplay that turns to outright rape, mostly due to major failure of SSC (Safe Sane and Consensual, jsyk). Swearing.
Author's Notes: Written for this prompt on the glee_kink_meme: "Kurt offers to fulfil a fantasy of Blaine's. Blaine is pretty vanilla but he's read some fun bodice rippers so he thinks he can handle a little rape scenario. He really talks it up because Kurt is excited about doing this for him. When they act it out, Kurt gets really into it and Blaine freaks out. Kurt sort of knows Blaine isn't just play acting, but he keeps going anyway, and forces Blaine to blow him before fucking Blaine for the first time without proper prep. Blaine tries not to cry but fails and Kurt finds it hot." I kinda deviated. Then again, we really have no idea what Kurt was thinking so you can interpret it however. The idea just kind of ran with me.
Acting is Just Pretentious, Temporary Suicide
Blaine knows his and Kurt's sex life is fairly vanilla. He's okay with this. If Kurt suggests something kinky, Blaine's sure he'll be more than willing to try it out, but apart from that Blaine's more or less satisfied.
So, when Kurt's lying in his arms late at night, Blaine really doesn't have an answer prepared for the question he asks.
“Blaine... what's your dirtiest fantasy? What is it you'd just love me to do for you?”
Blaine blinks at him. “Huh?”
Kurt shrugs. “There has to be something, Blaine. I'm fairly sure everyone has something they...”
“Um,” Blaine says. He doesn't want to let Kurt down, but... “I'm not an overly kinky guy, that's all. So, I, uh, haven't really thought of anything...”
Kurt frowns at him. “You don't have to hold back on me, you know.”
Now Blaine's confused. “I... know?”
Kurt sighs. “Blaine, I know you - I know I wasn't your first,” he explains. “I don't know, it just sometimes feels like you're holding back from me; trying to hard to take it slow. So... stop it. I'll tell you if it's anything I'm too uncomfortable with, but apart from that...”
Blaine bites his lip. “No, Kurt, it's not that - I just, uh, really don't know.”
Kurt sighs and lays his head upon Blaine's chest. “It's just... you do so much for me, Blaine. Both in bed and out,” he says, smirking on that last bit. “I... want to be able to do something for you.”
Then Kurt is kissing him gently, and Blaine sighs against his mouth. If it means that much to Kurt...
“Look,” he says. “Give me some time, okay? I, uh, may not be able to conjure a horrible, filthy fantasy off the top of my head... but that doesn't mean one won't pop up eventually. So, uh... hold on?”
Kurt grins and kisses him again. “That sounds amazing,” he says.
Blaine smiles and nods along. Then Kurt frowns.
“Just... don't push yourself or anything? I'm not doing this for me. It's all about you, remember?”
Blaine's still nodding, and Kurt's back to smiling. He squirms a little and falls asleep against Blaine's chest.
*
It's actually his mother who provides the solution to his problem. Okay, that sounds creepy. It's her romance novels, specifically, that give him the idea. Yes, he is a complete girl reading romance novels. Shut up.
He's home for a weekend and reading a fairly generic bodice ripper in bed. And yes, it's getting him kind of hot. That is the point of them, isn't it?
He knows, rationally, the scenario in the novel is utterly non-consensual. No-one is denying that - books like that are written to be unrestrained fantasy; no-one would argue anything in the book would be a good idea in real life. Still, Blaine's always felt a little ashamed to find these sorts of scenes hot. He doesn't think anyone should feel like a bad person over their kinks - it's hardly something one can control - but he does himself anyway.
Blaine frowns, and thinks. Kurt asked him if there was a dirty fantasy he wanted Kurt to fulfill. What is this but a dirty fantasy? Sure, he's never really done the roleplaying thing before, but he's sure he can handle it - especially with Kurt, who, not to be rude, is probably the most innocent and least physically intimidating boyfriend he's ever had.
Blaine smiles to himself. He has an idea.
*
Kurt is pretty damn happy to see him when he returns to Dalton on Monday. “Hey.”
“Hey,” is all he gets out before Kurt is throwing an arm around him and smashing their lips together. Blaine kisses back, smiling. He always loves to feel how much his boyfriend wants him.
Kurt breaks the kiss, before moving to Blaine's side and holding his hand. “So how was your weekend?”
Blaine shrugs. “Good.” So, now he should probably bring it up now. The embarrassment comes flooding back, but Blaine forces it down. Kurt asked you for your filthiest fantasy, now give it to him. “So, um... Do you remember what you asked me about a week ago?”
Kurt frowns. “About some kind of - you know, you don't have to worry about that if you don't want to; I think I was being presumptuous and I don't want to pressure you into anything-”
“I thought of something I'd like you to do for me.” Blaine inhales deeply, trying to still his nerves. “So, um, I read some romance novels my mother owns-”
“You read romance novels?”
“You, of all people, should not be trying to make fun of me for this,” Blaine says. Kurt gives him a touché shrug. “So they were kind of, um, the bodice ripper kind... and I think I've somehow gained something of a rape fantasy.”
Kurt's eyes go wide, and Blaine's shame comes back, Oh god! He can see that - that fear in Kurt's eyes, knowing he's dating some kind of sick sexual deviant; fuck, what is Blaine going to do-
“Blaine,” Kurt says very slowly and diplomatically, and now he's really screwed, “I don't want to make you feel bad about your desires but I'm not sure I can - handle that. I mean, after everything that happened with Karofsky, I've got a pretty strong feeling that any kind of fantasy scenario being being... forced upon would just bring up bad memories and I don't want to panic and scare you-”
“Okay, we're clearly on very different pages here,” Blaine says. “At least, I think so. I... I was implying I would the, well, 'victim' and you would be... But if you're not okay with that either, we don't have to; I realize I'm kind of throwing you off the deep end here-”
“No, Blaine, it's okay,” Kurt says, although he looks... surprised. “I think I could handle that. And I don't really think it's that uncommon. I guess I just... don't understand it? Why would you want that?”
Blaine hesitates and bites his lip. He doesn't really know himself, truth be told. “I guess it's... the powerlessness?”
Kurt still seems confused, so Blaine sighs. “I just think... something about the thought of just being taken, without a thought to what I want... turns me on. Is that bad?”
Blaine blinks when he realizes Kurt seems to be holding his breath a little, face pink. Oh. Well, that's reassuring.
Kurt shakes his head. “No, it's perfectly normal,” he says. Then he grins. “I'll do it.”
Before Blaine even realizes it, Kurt's looping an arm around his neck and drawing him back into a kiss. Blaine kisses back until Kurt breaks it for air, still grinning at him.
“So... I will see you. And fulfill your fantasies. Although honestly, I will probably see you a few times before I fulfill the fantasy,” he says.
“Understandable,” Blaine says.
“Anyway, I have Advanced French to get to - goodbye,” Kurt says, giving Blaine one last peck. Blaine watches as he walks off, shaking his head and not believing his luck.
*
There's a knock on his door.
Blaine frowns in confusion and walks up to answer it. It's Kurt. In retrospect, that it not very surprising.
“Kurt,” he says. “What's up?”
“Are you alone?” asks Kurt, which is kind of a weird question. Blaine's about to answer well, yes; people don't really sneak into my room that often. But then Kurt's pushing forward, slamming the door closed and slamming Blaine up against it, and that changes things.
“What-” that's all he gets out before Kurt stops him with his mouth. It's less of a kiss than a deranged tangle of tongues, teeth, bites and bruises, but it sends a wild urge of fuck fuck yes through Blaine's body, getting him just a bit hard. Still, he really ought to find out what the hell is going on before he does anything.
He pushes Kurt away by shoulders. “Wait, Kurt - what are you doing?”
Kurt straightens his posture, and Blaine has one of those moments where he remembers Kurt actually is taller than him, even if only by one or two inches - that, and he has strong dancer's muscles in places Blaine's never dreamed of.
Kurt shoves Blaine's hands away and pins them against the wall by the wrist, like the wrist of his body. He leans in, dark and menacing. “We're doing what you said we would.”
It's quiet and deeper than Blaine even knew Kurt could talk, and right after that he's biting at Blaine's neck, threading one of his legs between Blaine's and rubbing up against him. It makes Blaine gasp; makes him think god yes take me now please, but he knows what Kurt's talking about and knows they can't do that.
“Wait, wait, Kurt,” he tries to protest, but Kurt pays him no heed. He tries to bring his hands forward to push him away, but Kurt just grips his wrists tighter. Blaine can't help but wince in pain.
“Kurt, you're hurting me.”
“Shut the fuck up,“ Kurt snaps, before silencing him with a kiss again. “That's the whole point. Isn't this what you wanted? You fucking cocktease.”
“Kurt no,” he insists, and he knows Kurt is just playing his part, but filming has not actually started.
Kurt's kissing him again, but Blaine doesn't kiss back this time. God, how does he fix this?
“You talk far too much,” Kurt sneers in his face. “If I were you, I'd try to keep me happy.”
“Kurt, I'm serious,” Blaine insists, struggling against Kurt's grip. “We can't do it like this - cut it out and well talk about-”
He means it; they can't do it like this. There are safewords and the like; precautions to make sure he doesn't get hurt. But then Kurt's grinding against his erection (because, even if they're doing it wrong, he had this fantasy for a reason) and he gets lost and moans, just for a second. It's a mistake.
Then Kurt's laughing.
“Look at you,” he mocks, getting in Kurt's face. “Here you are - all proper about how we can't do this - but deep down, you're begging for it. You think you can hide so much under that charming smile; this robot uniform-” he bends down to tug on the lapel of Blaine's blazer with his teeth, before letting it go, “-but you can't hide the fact you're a whore.”
Blaine whimpers. “Kurt, stop,” he pleads. “I'm not just playing along. Please.”
Kurt rolls his eyes - and Blaine can see from the smile under his aggressor's face that he doesn't understand. He doesn't know Blaine means what he's saying, even if he's hard, even if he's moaning.
Then Kurt's grip on his wrists tightens as the pressure of the rest of his body pulls away; he throws Blaine to the bed before Blaine really realizes what's happening.
“Kurt-” But then Kurt's back on top of him, shutting him up with a kiss and a tight grip around the back of his neck. Blaine shakes his head, trying to stop the kiss; trying to stop everything.
“No,” he insists, body wildly struggling against the pressure on top of it. It doesn't do him much good; he knows he has a bit more mass on his side, but honestly Kurt is both taller and stronger, and Blaine doesn't want to hurt him. Kurt probably doesn't want to hurt him either, but hurting him is part of the act. That's the whole point.
Suddenly, Kurt is tearing at the zip of his pants (at least, as much as Kurt will tear when it comes to anything like clothing, and if only he could be that careful with Blaine) and Blaine tries to take advantage of the business of Kurt's hands to squirm away. Kurt notices him, and pounces.
“Fuck!” Blaine yells at his head whacks against the headboard. Kurt's writhing on top of him now, riding out the vibrations that come with Blaine twisting his hips to try and push him off, and Blaine wants to stop. The powerlessness that turned him on oh-so-much in theory is the most terrifying thing in the world now. He can't stop this. This isn't that he's scared about not following SSC anymore; he doesn't want to have sex with Kurt. Right now, he doesn't want to have sex with anyone ever again.
“You're not getting away with this,” Kurt mocks him, fingers deftly undoing his own belt-buckle even one-handed; Blaine can feel Kurt's knuckles against his stomach. “You made your bed, now lie in it.”
“Kurt,” Blaine says, trying to catch his eye. Shockingly enough, it works. “I don't want to do this.”
Can't get any simpler than that.
Kurt briefly looks over his shoulder, before smirking down at him. “Then scream,” he says, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Get help. If you want me to stop, make someone come in here and stop me.”
Blaine hesitates. He wants Kurt to stop more than anything; he wants to scream for anyone and everyone that will possibly listen. But he knows what would happen. Kurt has no idea what he's doing right now; he can't tell the difference between Blaine 'refusing' as per their arrangement, and just meaning no. If anyone walks in and sees them, they won't believe that. Kurt is already one of the most despised people around these parts, despite everyone's inability to express it. He's not going to get the benefit of the doubt. If Blaine lets anyone discover them like that, it will destroy Kurt. They'll kill him; they'll drive him out of this school. And there is one thing that matters more to Blaine than protecting himself at this moment - protecting Kurt.
He doesn't scream.
Kurt's smirk is so much wider now. “Exactly,” he says.
“I don't want it; I'm just-”
“Shut the fuck up; I don't even care,” Kurt snaps. Then his hands are on the zip of Blaine's pants, working them off far quicker than be possible. Then he's got a hand wrapped around Blaine's cock, and despite himself Blaine can feel how hard he is, secure in Kurt's palm.
He should give in. He should ride it out; enjoy his filthy little fantasy - this was his idea, right? But he can't. He's scared and hurt and he can't forget that. He doesn't think he wants to forget that.
He wants Kurt to stop.
Then Kurt grabs him by the hair, pulling him up as he moves them into a sitting position. He manages to shake his pants and his underwear off a little further, before throwing Blaine's head down into his lap. “Suck.”
Blaine stares down Kurt's naked cock, like it's an enemy. The absurdity of the thought makes him want to laugh. Of course, he's done this to Kurt before and quite enjoyed it - but he doesn't want to now.
Kurt's hand tightens in his hair, like a warning. “Do it.”
Blaine reluctantly opens his mouth and takes Kurt into his mouth. He sucks hard, using his tongue and every technique he can remember through blind panic. No, he still doesn't want to be doing this, but he hopes he can Kurt get off in his mouth and not have to...
Kurt's pulling on his hair, rocking up into his mouth. “Fuck, fuck, fuck; you little cocksucker; you can't help it can you; this is your fucking instinct; fuck yes Blaine it feels so good...”
Blaine's choking; Kurt keeps hitting his gag reflex and he gags, because he can't even think of relaxing enough to stop it. He still doesn't want to be doing this, but he still can't stop.
Then Kurt pulls him off. For a split-second, Blaine lets himself think Kurt's figured it out, and this is his reprieve.
Then Kurt pushes him flat on his back.
“Kurt,” Blaine says, trying to push the precome out of his mouth with his tongue. Kurt's crawling on top of him, pushing his pants down to his ankles, and god it's so fucking pathetic. “Don't.”
Kurt rolls his eyes and shoves two fingers inside Blaine wordlessly.
Fuck, fuck it hurts; Blaine arches his back and cries out in pain (that can't be helping himself, can it?). Kurt takes no mercy, fingering him hard and ruthless, and before Blaine knows it he's crying. Crying.
Blaine has always tried his best to be strong; if not physically, mentally. He doesn't want to cry. He doesn't want to be reduced to that state. But he knows what is happening to him - he is being hurt, violated, devastated by the one person he loves the most, and he is powerless to stop it. And Kurt doesn't even know.
So he cries. He cries and cries and cries.
“God, you're gorgeous like that,” Kurt whispers before crawling on top of him, lining himself up. Blaine braces himself in anticipation.
“Kurt,” he tries to keep his sobs under control, and look his boyfriend calmly in the eye. “Don't.”
Kurt pushes inside him without an answer.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck it hurts get it out get it out Blaine thinks, crying out aimlessly. The moments when Kurt's cock hits just the right place and the pleasure overwhelms the pain only make it worse; a sickening reminder of what this was meant to be.
This was his fantasy.
Every thrust inside him feels like a judgmental call of stupid. So stupid not to give a safeword when they first agreed to do this. Thrust. So stupid not to explain in more detail to Kurt. Thrust. So stupid to chose something so dangerous for his first foray into the world of the kinky. Stupid stupid stupid.
Thrust thrust thrust.
“Fuck, fuck yes, it's so good you little whore fuck fuck,” Kurt is muttering incoherently, obviously close, and Blaine can tell his on the brink himself. Maybe that's a good thing. It'll get this over with. Kurt's hitting the place that always used to be so fantastic more frequently, and Blaine's cock jerks and and oozes in approval, even if Blaine himself wishes more than anything it just wasn't happening.
Then Kurt wraps one of his silky smooth hands around Blaine's cock. Blaine can't help but arch to the touch and he comes, spurting into Kurt's palm. The sight and smell of it make him want to throw up.
Kurt just keeps fucking him, pushing in with all his strength until his mouth drops open and he comes. Blaine vaguely manages to think what if I catch something?
Kurt collapses in exhaustion, pulling out and rolling off. He cuddles into Blaine's side.
Blaine hopes like hell he doesn't want to wait half an hour and go again.
“So...” Kurt starts, looking bashful and all traces of the act gone, “how was it? Was I too rough? I should have prepped you, shouldn't I? I'm sorry, Blaine, but I wanted - I wanted to be realistic, so-”
“Kurt, it's okay,” Blaine says, more on instinct than anything. Then he realizes what he said, and now he has to deal with the aftermath. “It - it was good. Thank you.”
I can never tell him.
Kurt nods, and Blaine tries to be subtle about sniffling back a tear.
Kurt frowns at him. “Blaine, I think you're bleeding.”
Blaine looks down, and he realizes he is. It's not much, but it's an obvious red patch on the sheets. He tries to shrug it off. “It's not a big deal.”
Kurt looks skeptical. “Blaine, are you okay?”
And Blaine wants to say no. He wants to inform Kurt that what just happened wasn't rape roleplay; it was rape. He wants to scream it at the top of his lungs.
Because Kurt is his rapist and he wants to hurt Kurt for what he did to him. Because Kurt made a mistake and he wants Kurt to realize where they went wrong and make sure it will never happen again. Because Kurt is his boyfriend and he wants Kurt to see him hurting, hold him close and tell him everything's going to be okay.
He takes another look at Kurt's open, concerned, innocent face and knows he'll never say a word.
Author: hyperemmalawlz
Fandom: Glee
Characters/Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Word Count: 3475
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Kurt offers to fulfill a fantasy for Blaine. Blaine comes up with a fantasy for him to fulfill. It ends terribly.
Spoilers: Up to 2x09, "Special Education."
Warnings: Rape roleplay that turns to outright rape, mostly due to major failure of SSC (Safe Sane and Consensual, jsyk). Swearing.
Author's Notes: Written for this prompt on the glee_kink_meme: "Kurt offers to fulfil a fantasy of Blaine's. Blaine is pretty vanilla but he's read some fun bodice rippers so he thinks he can handle a little rape scenario. He really talks it up because Kurt is excited about doing this for him. When they act it out, Kurt gets really into it and Blaine freaks out. Kurt sort of knows Blaine isn't just play acting, but he keeps going anyway, and forces Blaine to blow him before fucking Blaine for the first time without proper prep. Blaine tries not to cry but fails and Kurt finds it hot." I kinda deviated. Then again, we really have no idea what Kurt was thinking so you can interpret it however. The idea just kind of ran with me.
Acting is Just Pretentious, Temporary Suicide
Blaine knows his and Kurt's sex life is fairly vanilla. He's okay with this. If Kurt suggests something kinky, Blaine's sure he'll be more than willing to try it out, but apart from that Blaine's more or less satisfied.
So, when Kurt's lying in his arms late at night, Blaine really doesn't have an answer prepared for the question he asks.
“Blaine... what's your dirtiest fantasy? What is it you'd just love me to do for you?”
Blaine blinks at him. “Huh?”
Kurt shrugs. “There has to be something, Blaine. I'm fairly sure everyone has something they...”
“Um,” Blaine says. He doesn't want to let Kurt down, but... “I'm not an overly kinky guy, that's all. So, I, uh, haven't really thought of anything...”
Kurt frowns at him. “You don't have to hold back on me, you know.”
Now Blaine's confused. “I... know?”
Kurt sighs. “Blaine, I know you - I know I wasn't your first,” he explains. “I don't know, it just sometimes feels like you're holding back from me; trying to hard to take it slow. So... stop it. I'll tell you if it's anything I'm too uncomfortable with, but apart from that...”
Blaine bites his lip. “No, Kurt, it's not that - I just, uh, really don't know.”
Kurt sighs and lays his head upon Blaine's chest. “It's just... you do so much for me, Blaine. Both in bed and out,” he says, smirking on that last bit. “I... want to be able to do something for you.”
Then Kurt is kissing him gently, and Blaine sighs against his mouth. If it means that much to Kurt...
“Look,” he says. “Give me some time, okay? I, uh, may not be able to conjure a horrible, filthy fantasy off the top of my head... but that doesn't mean one won't pop up eventually. So, uh... hold on?”
Kurt grins and kisses him again. “That sounds amazing,” he says.
Blaine smiles and nods along. Then Kurt frowns.
“Just... don't push yourself or anything? I'm not doing this for me. It's all about you, remember?”
Blaine's still nodding, and Kurt's back to smiling. He squirms a little and falls asleep against Blaine's chest.
*
It's actually his mother who provides the solution to his problem. Okay, that sounds creepy. It's her romance novels, specifically, that give him the idea. Yes, he is a complete girl reading romance novels. Shut up.
He's home for a weekend and reading a fairly generic bodice ripper in bed. And yes, it's getting him kind of hot. That is the point of them, isn't it?
He knows, rationally, the scenario in the novel is utterly non-consensual. No-one is denying that - books like that are written to be unrestrained fantasy; no-one would argue anything in the book would be a good idea in real life. Still, Blaine's always felt a little ashamed to find these sorts of scenes hot. He doesn't think anyone should feel like a bad person over their kinks - it's hardly something one can control - but he does himself anyway.
Blaine frowns, and thinks. Kurt asked him if there was a dirty fantasy he wanted Kurt to fulfill. What is this but a dirty fantasy? Sure, he's never really done the roleplaying thing before, but he's sure he can handle it - especially with Kurt, who, not to be rude, is probably the most innocent and least physically intimidating boyfriend he's ever had.
Blaine smiles to himself. He has an idea.
*
Kurt is pretty damn happy to see him when he returns to Dalton on Monday. “Hey.”
“Hey,” is all he gets out before Kurt is throwing an arm around him and smashing their lips together. Blaine kisses back, smiling. He always loves to feel how much his boyfriend wants him.
Kurt breaks the kiss, before moving to Blaine's side and holding his hand. “So how was your weekend?”
Blaine shrugs. “Good.” So, now he should probably bring it up now. The embarrassment comes flooding back, but Blaine forces it down. Kurt asked you for your filthiest fantasy, now give it to him. “So, um... Do you remember what you asked me about a week ago?”
Kurt frowns. “About some kind of - you know, you don't have to worry about that if you don't want to; I think I was being presumptuous and I don't want to pressure you into anything-”
“I thought of something I'd like you to do for me.” Blaine inhales deeply, trying to still his nerves. “So, um, I read some romance novels my mother owns-”
“You read romance novels?”
“You, of all people, should not be trying to make fun of me for this,” Blaine says. Kurt gives him a touché shrug. “So they were kind of, um, the bodice ripper kind... and I think I've somehow gained something of a rape fantasy.”
Kurt's eyes go wide, and Blaine's shame comes back, Oh god! He can see that - that fear in Kurt's eyes, knowing he's dating some kind of sick sexual deviant; fuck, what is Blaine going to do-
“Blaine,” Kurt says very slowly and diplomatically, and now he's really screwed, “I don't want to make you feel bad about your desires but I'm not sure I can - handle that. I mean, after everything that happened with Karofsky, I've got a pretty strong feeling that any kind of fantasy scenario being being... forced upon would just bring up bad memories and I don't want to panic and scare you-”
“Okay, we're clearly on very different pages here,” Blaine says. “At least, I think so. I... I was implying I would the, well, 'victim' and you would be... But if you're not okay with that either, we don't have to; I realize I'm kind of throwing you off the deep end here-”
“No, Blaine, it's okay,” Kurt says, although he looks... surprised. “I think I could handle that. And I don't really think it's that uncommon. I guess I just... don't understand it? Why would you want that?”
Blaine hesitates and bites his lip. He doesn't really know himself, truth be told. “I guess it's... the powerlessness?”
Kurt still seems confused, so Blaine sighs. “I just think... something about the thought of just being taken, without a thought to what I want... turns me on. Is that bad?”
Blaine blinks when he realizes Kurt seems to be holding his breath a little, face pink. Oh. Well, that's reassuring.
Kurt shakes his head. “No, it's perfectly normal,” he says. Then he grins. “I'll do it.”
Before Blaine even realizes it, Kurt's looping an arm around his neck and drawing him back into a kiss. Blaine kisses back until Kurt breaks it for air, still grinning at him.
“So... I will see you. And fulfill your fantasies. Although honestly, I will probably see you a few times before I fulfill the fantasy,” he says.
“Understandable,” Blaine says.
“Anyway, I have Advanced French to get to - goodbye,” Kurt says, giving Blaine one last peck. Blaine watches as he walks off, shaking his head and not believing his luck.
*
There's a knock on his door.
Blaine frowns in confusion and walks up to answer it. It's Kurt. In retrospect, that it not very surprising.
“Kurt,” he says. “What's up?”
“Are you alone?” asks Kurt, which is kind of a weird question. Blaine's about to answer well, yes; people don't really sneak into my room that often. But then Kurt's pushing forward, slamming the door closed and slamming Blaine up against it, and that changes things.
“What-” that's all he gets out before Kurt stops him with his mouth. It's less of a kiss than a deranged tangle of tongues, teeth, bites and bruises, but it sends a wild urge of fuck fuck yes through Blaine's body, getting him just a bit hard. Still, he really ought to find out what the hell is going on before he does anything.
He pushes Kurt away by shoulders. “Wait, Kurt - what are you doing?”
Kurt straightens his posture, and Blaine has one of those moments where he remembers Kurt actually is taller than him, even if only by one or two inches - that, and he has strong dancer's muscles in places Blaine's never dreamed of.
Kurt shoves Blaine's hands away and pins them against the wall by the wrist, like the wrist of his body. He leans in, dark and menacing. “We're doing what you said we would.”
It's quiet and deeper than Blaine even knew Kurt could talk, and right after that he's biting at Blaine's neck, threading one of his legs between Blaine's and rubbing up against him. It makes Blaine gasp; makes him think god yes take me now please, but he knows what Kurt's talking about and knows they can't do that.
“Wait, wait, Kurt,” he tries to protest, but Kurt pays him no heed. He tries to bring his hands forward to push him away, but Kurt just grips his wrists tighter. Blaine can't help but wince in pain.
“Kurt, you're hurting me.”
“Shut the fuck up,“ Kurt snaps, before silencing him with a kiss again. “That's the whole point. Isn't this what you wanted? You fucking cocktease.”
“Kurt no,” he insists, and he knows Kurt is just playing his part, but filming has not actually started.
Kurt's kissing him again, but Blaine doesn't kiss back this time. God, how does he fix this?
“You talk far too much,” Kurt sneers in his face. “If I were you, I'd try to keep me happy.”
“Kurt, I'm serious,” Blaine insists, struggling against Kurt's grip. “We can't do it like this - cut it out and well talk about-”
He means it; they can't do it like this. There are safewords and the like; precautions to make sure he doesn't get hurt. But then Kurt's grinding against his erection (because, even if they're doing it wrong, he had this fantasy for a reason) and he gets lost and moans, just for a second. It's a mistake.
Then Kurt's laughing.
“Look at you,” he mocks, getting in Kurt's face. “Here you are - all proper about how we can't do this - but deep down, you're begging for it. You think you can hide so much under that charming smile; this robot uniform-” he bends down to tug on the lapel of Blaine's blazer with his teeth, before letting it go, “-but you can't hide the fact you're a whore.”
Blaine whimpers. “Kurt, stop,” he pleads. “I'm not just playing along. Please.”
Kurt rolls his eyes - and Blaine can see from the smile under his aggressor's face that he doesn't understand. He doesn't know Blaine means what he's saying, even if he's hard, even if he's moaning.
Then Kurt's grip on his wrists tightens as the pressure of the rest of his body pulls away; he throws Blaine to the bed before Blaine really realizes what's happening.
“Kurt-” But then Kurt's back on top of him, shutting him up with a kiss and a tight grip around the back of his neck. Blaine shakes his head, trying to stop the kiss; trying to stop everything.
“No,” he insists, body wildly struggling against the pressure on top of it. It doesn't do him much good; he knows he has a bit more mass on his side, but honestly Kurt is both taller and stronger, and Blaine doesn't want to hurt him. Kurt probably doesn't want to hurt him either, but hurting him is part of the act. That's the whole point.
Suddenly, Kurt is tearing at the zip of his pants (at least, as much as Kurt will tear when it comes to anything like clothing, and if only he could be that careful with Blaine) and Blaine tries to take advantage of the business of Kurt's hands to squirm away. Kurt notices him, and pounces.
“Fuck!” Blaine yells at his head whacks against the headboard. Kurt's writhing on top of him now, riding out the vibrations that come with Blaine twisting his hips to try and push him off, and Blaine wants to stop. The powerlessness that turned him on oh-so-much in theory is the most terrifying thing in the world now. He can't stop this. This isn't that he's scared about not following SSC anymore; he doesn't want to have sex with Kurt. Right now, he doesn't want to have sex with anyone ever again.
“You're not getting away with this,” Kurt mocks him, fingers deftly undoing his own belt-buckle even one-handed; Blaine can feel Kurt's knuckles against his stomach. “You made your bed, now lie in it.”
“Kurt,” Blaine says, trying to catch his eye. Shockingly enough, it works. “I don't want to do this.”
Can't get any simpler than that.
Kurt briefly looks over his shoulder, before smirking down at him. “Then scream,” he says, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Get help. If you want me to stop, make someone come in here and stop me.”
Blaine hesitates. He wants Kurt to stop more than anything; he wants to scream for anyone and everyone that will possibly listen. But he knows what would happen. Kurt has no idea what he's doing right now; he can't tell the difference between Blaine 'refusing' as per their arrangement, and just meaning no. If anyone walks in and sees them, they won't believe that. Kurt is already one of the most despised people around these parts, despite everyone's inability to express it. He's not going to get the benefit of the doubt. If Blaine lets anyone discover them like that, it will destroy Kurt. They'll kill him; they'll drive him out of this school. And there is one thing that matters more to Blaine than protecting himself at this moment - protecting Kurt.
He doesn't scream.
Kurt's smirk is so much wider now. “Exactly,” he says.
“I don't want it; I'm just-”
“Shut the fuck up; I don't even care,” Kurt snaps. Then his hands are on the zip of Blaine's pants, working them off far quicker than be possible. Then he's got a hand wrapped around Blaine's cock, and despite himself Blaine can feel how hard he is, secure in Kurt's palm.
He should give in. He should ride it out; enjoy his filthy little fantasy - this was his idea, right? But he can't. He's scared and hurt and he can't forget that. He doesn't think he wants to forget that.
He wants Kurt to stop.
Then Kurt grabs him by the hair, pulling him up as he moves them into a sitting position. He manages to shake his pants and his underwear off a little further, before throwing Blaine's head down into his lap. “Suck.”
Blaine stares down Kurt's naked cock, like it's an enemy. The absurdity of the thought makes him want to laugh. Of course, he's done this to Kurt before and quite enjoyed it - but he doesn't want to now.
Kurt's hand tightens in his hair, like a warning. “Do it.”
Blaine reluctantly opens his mouth and takes Kurt into his mouth. He sucks hard, using his tongue and every technique he can remember through blind panic. No, he still doesn't want to be doing this, but he hopes he can Kurt get off in his mouth and not have to...
Kurt's pulling on his hair, rocking up into his mouth. “Fuck, fuck, fuck; you little cocksucker; you can't help it can you; this is your fucking instinct; fuck yes Blaine it feels so good...”
Blaine's choking; Kurt keeps hitting his gag reflex and he gags, because he can't even think of relaxing enough to stop it. He still doesn't want to be doing this, but he still can't stop.
Then Kurt pulls him off. For a split-second, Blaine lets himself think Kurt's figured it out, and this is his reprieve.
Then Kurt pushes him flat on his back.
“Kurt,” Blaine says, trying to push the precome out of his mouth with his tongue. Kurt's crawling on top of him, pushing his pants down to his ankles, and god it's so fucking pathetic. “Don't.”
Kurt rolls his eyes and shoves two fingers inside Blaine wordlessly.
Fuck, fuck it hurts; Blaine arches his back and cries out in pain (that can't be helping himself, can it?). Kurt takes no mercy, fingering him hard and ruthless, and before Blaine knows it he's crying. Crying.
Blaine has always tried his best to be strong; if not physically, mentally. He doesn't want to cry. He doesn't want to be reduced to that state. But he knows what is happening to him - he is being hurt, violated, devastated by the one person he loves the most, and he is powerless to stop it. And Kurt doesn't even know.
So he cries. He cries and cries and cries.
“God, you're gorgeous like that,” Kurt whispers before crawling on top of him, lining himself up. Blaine braces himself in anticipation.
“Kurt,” he tries to keep his sobs under control, and look his boyfriend calmly in the eye. “Don't.”
Kurt pushes inside him without an answer.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck it hurts get it out get it out Blaine thinks, crying out aimlessly. The moments when Kurt's cock hits just the right place and the pleasure overwhelms the pain only make it worse; a sickening reminder of what this was meant to be.
This was his fantasy.
Every thrust inside him feels like a judgmental call of stupid. So stupid not to give a safeword when they first agreed to do this. Thrust. So stupid not to explain in more detail to Kurt. Thrust. So stupid to chose something so dangerous for his first foray into the world of the kinky. Stupid stupid stupid.
Thrust thrust thrust.
“Fuck, fuck yes, it's so good you little whore fuck fuck,” Kurt is muttering incoherently, obviously close, and Blaine can tell his on the brink himself. Maybe that's a good thing. It'll get this over with. Kurt's hitting the place that always used to be so fantastic more frequently, and Blaine's cock jerks and and oozes in approval, even if Blaine himself wishes more than anything it just wasn't happening.
Then Kurt wraps one of his silky smooth hands around Blaine's cock. Blaine can't help but arch to the touch and he comes, spurting into Kurt's palm. The sight and smell of it make him want to throw up.
Kurt just keeps fucking him, pushing in with all his strength until his mouth drops open and he comes. Blaine vaguely manages to think what if I catch something?
Kurt collapses in exhaustion, pulling out and rolling off. He cuddles into Blaine's side.
Blaine hopes like hell he doesn't want to wait half an hour and go again.
“So...” Kurt starts, looking bashful and all traces of the act gone, “how was it? Was I too rough? I should have prepped you, shouldn't I? I'm sorry, Blaine, but I wanted - I wanted to be realistic, so-”
“Kurt, it's okay,” Blaine says, more on instinct than anything. Then he realizes what he said, and now he has to deal with the aftermath. “It - it was good. Thank you.”
I can never tell him.
Kurt nods, and Blaine tries to be subtle about sniffling back a tear.
Kurt frowns at him. “Blaine, I think you're bleeding.”
Blaine looks down, and he realizes he is. It's not much, but it's an obvious red patch on the sheets. He tries to shrug it off. “It's not a big deal.”
Kurt looks skeptical. “Blaine, are you okay?”
And Blaine wants to say no. He wants to inform Kurt that what just happened wasn't rape roleplay; it was rape. He wants to scream it at the top of his lungs.
Because Kurt is his rapist and he wants to hurt Kurt for what he did to him. Because Kurt made a mistake and he wants Kurt to realize where they went wrong and make sure it will never happen again. Because Kurt is his boyfriend and he wants Kurt to see him hurting, hold him close and tell him everything's going to be okay.
He takes another look at Kurt's open, concerned, innocent face and knows he'll never say a word.