Fic: Shut Your Mouth (Finn, Ensemble) R (10/?)
Title: Shut Your Mouth
Author: hyperemmalawlz
Fandom: Glee
Chapter: 10/? - "Come Back to Us."
Characters/Pairing: Finn, Ensemble.
Word Count: 2920
Rating: NC-17 overall; R for this chapter.
Summary: After the underwear incident, Karofsky and Azimio simply will not back off already when it comes to Finn. Things quickly go from bad to worse.
Spoilers: Up to 2x05, "The Rocky Horror Glee Show."
Warnings: Swearing, description of sexual assault and harassment, terrible authority reaction to said assault and harassment, sexual references.
Author's Notes: Written for the glee_angst_meme, the prompt: "After the underwear incident, things get a whole lot worse for Finn. The football jocks won't stop taunting him, but it's worse than before: their comments get really sexual. Then they begin awkwardly touching him when they're alone. He wants to tell someone, but it isn't rape or anything so he figures he should just suck it up. And then Karofsky and Azimo corner him in the locker room and force him to give them head. They tell him he was asking for it, and he starts to believe it."
10: Come Back to Us
He has to return to school eventually. Mom keeps offering him more time off, but he has to return, because whenever he's home alone he nods off and has nightmares, and she can't get much leave right now. Dammit.
He walks into the hallway uncomfortably. Everyone's staring at him and he knows that; he was expecting it before he came, but...
Suddenly, there's a small flurry of movement and someone's pressed against his chest. “Argh!” he cries.
“Oh god, are you okay? Did I hurt you?” she frets, pulling back. He looks down at the small lump of brown hair and nerves. Rachel.
He doesn't answer the question, just throws his arms around her and pulls her into a tight hug. He's not sure if he's doing it to comfort her or himself, but whatever, it seems to be doing good for both of them. “It's okay,” he whispers against her hair.
After a few more seconds, she pulls away again, sniffling slightly. “I'm sorry,” she says. “I shouldn't be acting like this. I just... I've been so worried, and...”
“It's cool, Rach. I get it,” he says, offering her a weak smile. She's worried about him. That's a good thing.
She sighs, falling to his side and clasping his hand. “So... how do you feel?”
He shrugs. He loves her, but he's not sure he wants to go... in detail or anything with her. She's already pretty obviously freaking, and if he tells her about everything; the nightmares and the psycho wall and how bad he feels for not noticing this could have happened before it, y'know, actually happened... her head might explode. Which wouldn't really help anything, so he keeps his mouth shut.
She gently leans her head against his arm as they start to walk. “I'm really sorry, you know.”
Finn nods. “I could... kinda guess. I'm sort of expecting that from a lot of people, actually.”
“I've been doing the research; I know the numbers of many good sexual abuse support centers, even if they're mostly a bit out of town - we are in Lima, so the only centers I could find that close were pretty much woman-only... Still, there are many that aren't much of a drive, so it would be easy-”
“Um, thanks,” he says, to cut her off. He's not really ready to talk about getting help, like, professional help yet. “Uh, maybe. I don't know. But, um, y'know... thanks for trying?”
Rachel gives him an odd look. “Finn,” she says, “this is going to be a long and difficult process. You're not always going to be able to cope, especially when you're trying to deal with it in a legal capacity, and... I know it's your choice, but I just thought... that's got to help, right?”
Finn stares at her. He's not really sure about doing anything legal - that means going to the cops, right? However, he kind of doesn't want to bring that up. “I guess,” he says, “but I'm sort of just still... processing, or whatever.”
She sighs. “Of course.”
There's an awkward pause as they slowly walk down the hall, hand in hand. Where are they going anyway? Before he can ask her this, a guy crossing them rolls his eyes and spits “Fag,” out. Finn can't help but flinch, and Rachel stops still.
“Finn,” she says uncomfortably. “I don't want to have to tell you this, but... I believe a lot of people have misinterpreted the pictures Jacob circulated. They seem to think of this as a consensual encounter; like you just got outed or something. I don't understand it, but I...”
“Oh,” he says. He thinks he might understand it. It's McKinley High, right? Didn't Kurt say Jewfro came up to him after the whole locker incident, asking if it was all about some kind of french thing which he thinks is sort of sex? It makes his stomach hurt, and he doesn't want to deal with it, but he's not really surprised or anything.
Rachel looks at him blankly. “That's it? 'Oh'?”
He shrugs. She's not trying to be mean or anything; she seems... confused. Which doesn't surprise him either, when he thinks about it. “I don't know. What am I meant to say? Can I just focus on not completely going crazy right now?”
She sighs. “You're right. I shouldn't preempt your reactions like that. After all, you're going to need my support when you have to do something about this.”
He thinks there might be something wrong with that sentence, but he lets it slide.
*
Principal Figgins calls him into the office, for... some reason. Okay, Finn knows what it's about. Still, he doesn't really know what Figgins wants from him, so...
The man is writing something down, and Finn squirms in his seat. They're meant to be talking, right? This... isn't much like talking. Maybe Finn should find that a relief, that he's not being forced to talk about it, but it just seems uncomfortable and he feels a little trapped in here. Dumb as that sounds.
Finally, Figgins puts his pen down with a heavy sigh and looks at Finn again. “Mr. Hudson, I don't like dealing with these sorts of situations.”
Finn just shrugs. Well, duh, he thinks, but Figgins is still the principal so Finn thinks it's probably a good idea not to say that.
“Alright. If you are unaware of this... a student recently published photos of you and two classmates online. The photographs showed them leaving the boys' bathroom, a little later followed by you, and you showed signs of... sexual activity,” Figgins said.
Finn nodded along with this. “Yeah, I, uh, know all that. Kurt called and warned us about the photos. Why exactly am I here?”
Figgins sighs. “Mr. Hudson, talk from those who know you, those familiar with your previous interactions with the two other students, and the report from Shannon Bieste who found you afterward, all give the conclusion that there was a sexual incident, and it was non-consensual on your part. That is also the implication from the time you have taken off school and their sudden disappearance. I do need to ask you, though - was their a sexual encounter, and wasn't consensual or not?”
“Yeah,” Finn says. “I mean, there was an... encounter, or whatever you want to call it. And no, I didn't... I didn't want it to happen; they forced me.” Figgins nods, and Finn shuffles uncomfortably. “Is that all you wanted to ask?”
Figgins sighs. “Mr. Hudson, you do realize the significance of saying this? If you do so, this school will be forced to take disciplinary action against the two; they'll be expelled at least. All legal action will be at your and your parent or guardian's digression, but as a school, we must take action if you could still be in danger.”
Finn frowns. “That's a bad thing?”
“Finn, are you absolutely certain the incident wasn't consensual?” Figgins asks. Um, wouldn't I notice that? thinks Finn. “If you are lying, for fear of your reputation, too keep secrets about your sexuality, if you are worried about punishment for doing such a thing at school - which is against the rules, I confirm - it is important you say it now. Do you fully understand the impact of making such an accusation? If it isn't a hundred percent honest, Mr. Hudson, you need to admit to it now, because whatever you are so scared of cannot be more important than ruining two boys lives-”
“I said no,” Finn answers, hands shaking in anger. “Why is it so hard for people to get this? Was anyone even paying attention before all this happened? Didn't you notice the, the way they'd always come out of nowhere to harass me and tell me I was a... a... or, um, how bad they were to everyone else in our club, or that whole thing with the dildos in my locker - and it was still totally unfair you suspended me for that, but... Okay, I didn't see this coming either. I don't really know if one of us should've. But really, after everything, why the hell would you think I'd say yes? Why is everyone trying so hard to believe that anyway?”
Figgins looks at him blankly. Finn suddenly realizes he's started crying. Shit. He starts wiping them away with the back of his hand, and then thinks that it's not such a big deal he's crying - if he's not allowed to cry about this, when is he allowed to? Even for a dude, there are times when it happens.
Slowly, Figgins reaches across the desk to hand him a tissue. “I did not mean to insult you, or belittle your experience,” he says. “It was just important to confirm, that's all.”
Yeah, sure, thinks Finn.
Figgins sighs. “Alright, Mr. Hudson, I have gotten all I wanted from you. From the looks of things, however, I believe it would be a good idea for you to go see Ms. Pilsbury.”
“I-” Finn's just about to get all pissed about Figgins sending him off to the counselor because he dares not to like everyone doubting what he says about this. Then he realizes he kind of does want to talk to Ms. P, because it's kind of her job to believe him, so... whatever.
*
Things with Ms. Pilsbury are... awkward. She looks like she has no idea what to do with him, which he guesses makes sense, because it's not like this happens a lot. As far as he knows. Fuck, does it? What if there are a whole bunch of people going through this school, who have been through what he went through and... no-one even noticed?
“So. Finn,” she says hesitantly.
He smiles a little. “Hey, Ms. P,” he says. “Do you have a pamphlet or something?”
She sighs. “Plenty. Yet I'm not quite sure they'd be appropriate right now.”
“Oh.” Finn's kind of worried that's proof for his little what if this happens all the time? thing from before. But he doesn't really want to think about that a lot, so he pushes it to the back of his mind. He turns to just awkwardly squirming in his chair. He did kind of want to talk to her, but he doesn't really know why, or how.
Ms. Pilsbury side. “Finn, do you want to talk?”
“Yeah. Well, kinda,” he says. “I mean... Principal Figgins said it was probably a good idea I go talk to you after he yanked me into his office and made me say what happened. It seemed like a good idea, so I did. I mean, kind of because he was... not being so great about the whole thing, and I was like 'wait, isn't it Ms. Pilsbury's job to be good with this stuff?' so... yeah.”
Ms. P frowns slightly. “What exactly do you mean by 'not so great'?”
Finn bites his lip. If he says all this, can he get Figgins into actual trouble? Does he want to? “Er... I guess he was kind of, um, skeptical? Like... he asked me to tell him what happened, and I told him, and then it just sort of seemed like he didn't believe me. He started going on about how, if I was lying I really needed to fess up, before I like, ruined their lives...” he pauses. “You think I overreacted? 'Cause, I mean, I guess he did have to be really sure before punishing them on a sort of, um, rape-y level, that it was actually... but it just really hurt that what I said about all this seemed to be so freaking unbelievable to everyone. Does that make any sense?”
Ms. Pilsbury sighs sadly. “Finn, your feelings are perfectly justified. It was worthwhile for him to ask and make sure it really was sexual assault, but once you said it was he shouldn't have doubted you like that. Unfortunately, that happens every so often. People in positions of authority do tend to be terrible when it comes to things like this. It's awful, and tends to have repercussions on the mental state of the victim, but... it tends to go like that. I'm sorry.”
Finn blinks at her. “Oh,” he says. “So I can't get him in trouble for it?”
She sighs. “Possibly, but I'm not sure and I can't be certain anyone else would be much better... I'll talk to him, if you want.”
“As long as you don't get fired,” he says. She smiles and nods.
“Alright then. So... apart from your struggles with my boss, do you want to talk? About the... incident itself?”
“Uh...” Finn trails off. “I think so, but I don't know where to start, so...”
Ms. Pilsbury nods. “That's perfectly understandable, Finn, take your time.”
He sighs. “I think I'm too calm,” he says. “I mean, I feel bad about it, but... I feel like I should be crying and going crazy. I was doing that a couple of days ago. I made this total serial killer wall thing - not that I'm actually going to kill anyone, though, it was just this thing I did when remembering how, like, once I wouldn't have been a target for this kind of crap... Um. But now I'm back here, I'm being kinda... normal about the whole thing, well except for when Figgins pissed me off, and I think I shouldn't be. Plus, a whole bunch of people seem to be thinking I was consenting when all this happened - or at least, Rachel said people were - so if I was acting like I should be, it might kind of prove them wrong?”
“Finn,” says Ms. P, “there is no way you 'should' be acting. That's not how it works. You can react to this calmly, or with complete panic, and no-one has any right to tell you you should be acting any differently. Okay?”
Finn blinks at her. “Um. Okay.”
There's a pause.
“...That was quite awkward, wasn't it?”
“Kinda, yeah.”
“Sorry,” says Ms. Pilsbury. “I'm trying to help.”
“I think you're helping,” he says. She smiles at him.
“Thank you,” she says. “So, you feel... hurt by people who seem to believe this was a...?”
Finn shrugs uncomfortably. “I guess? I mean, it's not really fair. I haven't really seen the photos, so they could be like, give no evidence of how this whole thing went down... And not everyone knows me, or them, very well, so they wouldn't really have any reason to think... But it feels like they should know. Like, I want everyone to be able to see my point of view on all this, and believe me, or whatever. And I'm pretty sure half the people thinking like this actually do kind of know me, and with all evidence they shouldn't think I'd ever go for it, but they do because they all think I'm gay for being in Glee or whatever. Which is bullshit, because even if I did swing that way those guys are assholes and I would find better people hook up with, seriously.” He pauses. “Er... sorry about the swearing, Ms. P.”
“It's quite alright, Finn,” she says. “And your feelings make sense. People believing this attack was anything other than just that... It's going to hurt. A lot. And honestly, I'm not sure how easy it will be to convince people otherwise. It shouldn't be like that, but it's just another way in which the world... isn't always great when it comes to these sorts of situations.”
Finn frowns. “I'm pretty sure you're meant to be telling me things will get better, or something like that.”
She nods slowly. “Unfortunately, I can't promise you that. Look, many - most - victims of sexual assault or abuse recover, and go on to live full, healthy lives. But I can't guarantee it for you. I can't guarantee people are going to make it easier, either - I'm sure you will have a strong support network, but I can't say that people won't say and do really stupid, offensive things. I can't say the only people who do this will be doing it intentionally, out of malice. I can't say the people caring for you, in that support network, won't sometimes be the ones who do just that. I can't even say, as a counselor, I won't sometimes do that myself.” Finn stares at her in confusion, and she sighs. “All I can personally promise? Is that, as faculty member of your school, if you require help with this then I will make every attempt I possible can to provide just that. That's all.”
Finn bites his lip. “Okay,” he says. “Well, I can't say you're not trying or whatever... thanks, Ms. P.”
“You're welcome,” she says.
“...So, what do I do?”
She sighs. “I'm not sure,” she says, “but I think it has to be your choice.”
Author: hyperemmalawlz
Fandom: Glee
Chapter: 10/? - "Come Back to Us."
Characters/Pairing: Finn, Ensemble.
Word Count: 2920
Rating: NC-17 overall; R for this chapter.
Summary: After the underwear incident, Karofsky and Azimio simply will not back off already when it comes to Finn. Things quickly go from bad to worse.
Spoilers: Up to 2x05, "The Rocky Horror Glee Show."
Warnings: Swearing, description of sexual assault and harassment, terrible authority reaction to said assault and harassment, sexual references.
Author's Notes: Written for the glee_angst_meme, the prompt: "After the underwear incident, things get a whole lot worse for Finn. The football jocks won't stop taunting him, but it's worse than before: their comments get really sexual. Then they begin awkwardly touching him when they're alone. He wants to tell someone, but it isn't rape or anything so he figures he should just suck it up. And then Karofsky and Azimo corner him in the locker room and force him to give them head. They tell him he was asking for it, and he starts to believe it."
10: Come Back to Us
He has to return to school eventually. Mom keeps offering him more time off, but he has to return, because whenever he's home alone he nods off and has nightmares, and she can't get much leave right now. Dammit.
He walks into the hallway uncomfortably. Everyone's staring at him and he knows that; he was expecting it before he came, but...
Suddenly, there's a small flurry of movement and someone's pressed against his chest. “Argh!” he cries.
“Oh god, are you okay? Did I hurt you?” she frets, pulling back. He looks down at the small lump of brown hair and nerves. Rachel.
He doesn't answer the question, just throws his arms around her and pulls her into a tight hug. He's not sure if he's doing it to comfort her or himself, but whatever, it seems to be doing good for both of them. “It's okay,” he whispers against her hair.
After a few more seconds, she pulls away again, sniffling slightly. “I'm sorry,” she says. “I shouldn't be acting like this. I just... I've been so worried, and...”
“It's cool, Rach. I get it,” he says, offering her a weak smile. She's worried about him. That's a good thing.
She sighs, falling to his side and clasping his hand. “So... how do you feel?”
He shrugs. He loves her, but he's not sure he wants to go... in detail or anything with her. She's already pretty obviously freaking, and if he tells her about everything; the nightmares and the psycho wall and how bad he feels for not noticing this could have happened before it, y'know, actually happened... her head might explode. Which wouldn't really help anything, so he keeps his mouth shut.
She gently leans her head against his arm as they start to walk. “I'm really sorry, you know.”
Finn nods. “I could... kinda guess. I'm sort of expecting that from a lot of people, actually.”
“I've been doing the research; I know the numbers of many good sexual abuse support centers, even if they're mostly a bit out of town - we are in Lima, so the only centers I could find that close were pretty much woman-only... Still, there are many that aren't much of a drive, so it would be easy-”
“Um, thanks,” he says, to cut her off. He's not really ready to talk about getting help, like, professional help yet. “Uh, maybe. I don't know. But, um, y'know... thanks for trying?”
Rachel gives him an odd look. “Finn,” she says, “this is going to be a long and difficult process. You're not always going to be able to cope, especially when you're trying to deal with it in a legal capacity, and... I know it's your choice, but I just thought... that's got to help, right?”
Finn stares at her. He's not really sure about doing anything legal - that means going to the cops, right? However, he kind of doesn't want to bring that up. “I guess,” he says, “but I'm sort of just still... processing, or whatever.”
She sighs. “Of course.”
There's an awkward pause as they slowly walk down the hall, hand in hand. Where are they going anyway? Before he can ask her this, a guy crossing them rolls his eyes and spits “Fag,” out. Finn can't help but flinch, and Rachel stops still.
“Finn,” she says uncomfortably. “I don't want to have to tell you this, but... I believe a lot of people have misinterpreted the pictures Jacob circulated. They seem to think of this as a consensual encounter; like you just got outed or something. I don't understand it, but I...”
“Oh,” he says. He thinks he might understand it. It's McKinley High, right? Didn't Kurt say Jewfro came up to him after the whole locker incident, asking if it was all about some kind of french thing which he thinks is sort of sex? It makes his stomach hurt, and he doesn't want to deal with it, but he's not really surprised or anything.
Rachel looks at him blankly. “That's it? 'Oh'?”
He shrugs. She's not trying to be mean or anything; she seems... confused. Which doesn't surprise him either, when he thinks about it. “I don't know. What am I meant to say? Can I just focus on not completely going crazy right now?”
She sighs. “You're right. I shouldn't preempt your reactions like that. After all, you're going to need my support when you have to do something about this.”
He thinks there might be something wrong with that sentence, but he lets it slide.
*
Principal Figgins calls him into the office, for... some reason. Okay, Finn knows what it's about. Still, he doesn't really know what Figgins wants from him, so...
The man is writing something down, and Finn squirms in his seat. They're meant to be talking, right? This... isn't much like talking. Maybe Finn should find that a relief, that he's not being forced to talk about it, but it just seems uncomfortable and he feels a little trapped in here. Dumb as that sounds.
Finally, Figgins puts his pen down with a heavy sigh and looks at Finn again. “Mr. Hudson, I don't like dealing with these sorts of situations.”
Finn just shrugs. Well, duh, he thinks, but Figgins is still the principal so Finn thinks it's probably a good idea not to say that.
“Alright. If you are unaware of this... a student recently published photos of you and two classmates online. The photographs showed them leaving the boys' bathroom, a little later followed by you, and you showed signs of... sexual activity,” Figgins said.
Finn nodded along with this. “Yeah, I, uh, know all that. Kurt called and warned us about the photos. Why exactly am I here?”
Figgins sighs. “Mr. Hudson, talk from those who know you, those familiar with your previous interactions with the two other students, and the report from Shannon Bieste who found you afterward, all give the conclusion that there was a sexual incident, and it was non-consensual on your part. That is also the implication from the time you have taken off school and their sudden disappearance. I do need to ask you, though - was their a sexual encounter, and wasn't consensual or not?”
“Yeah,” Finn says. “I mean, there was an... encounter, or whatever you want to call it. And no, I didn't... I didn't want it to happen; they forced me.” Figgins nods, and Finn shuffles uncomfortably. “Is that all you wanted to ask?”
Figgins sighs. “Mr. Hudson, you do realize the significance of saying this? If you do so, this school will be forced to take disciplinary action against the two; they'll be expelled at least. All legal action will be at your and your parent or guardian's digression, but as a school, we must take action if you could still be in danger.”
Finn frowns. “That's a bad thing?”
“Finn, are you absolutely certain the incident wasn't consensual?” Figgins asks. Um, wouldn't I notice that? thinks Finn. “If you are lying, for fear of your reputation, too keep secrets about your sexuality, if you are worried about punishment for doing such a thing at school - which is against the rules, I confirm - it is important you say it now. Do you fully understand the impact of making such an accusation? If it isn't a hundred percent honest, Mr. Hudson, you need to admit to it now, because whatever you are so scared of cannot be more important than ruining two boys lives-”
“I said no,” Finn answers, hands shaking in anger. “Why is it so hard for people to get this? Was anyone even paying attention before all this happened? Didn't you notice the, the way they'd always come out of nowhere to harass me and tell me I was a... a... or, um, how bad they were to everyone else in our club, or that whole thing with the dildos in my locker - and it was still totally unfair you suspended me for that, but... Okay, I didn't see this coming either. I don't really know if one of us should've. But really, after everything, why the hell would you think I'd say yes? Why is everyone trying so hard to believe that anyway?”
Figgins looks at him blankly. Finn suddenly realizes he's started crying. Shit. He starts wiping them away with the back of his hand, and then thinks that it's not such a big deal he's crying - if he's not allowed to cry about this, when is he allowed to? Even for a dude, there are times when it happens.
Slowly, Figgins reaches across the desk to hand him a tissue. “I did not mean to insult you, or belittle your experience,” he says. “It was just important to confirm, that's all.”
Yeah, sure, thinks Finn.
Figgins sighs. “Alright, Mr. Hudson, I have gotten all I wanted from you. From the looks of things, however, I believe it would be a good idea for you to go see Ms. Pilsbury.”
“I-” Finn's just about to get all pissed about Figgins sending him off to the counselor because he dares not to like everyone doubting what he says about this. Then he realizes he kind of does want to talk to Ms. P, because it's kind of her job to believe him, so... whatever.
*
Things with Ms. Pilsbury are... awkward. She looks like she has no idea what to do with him, which he guesses makes sense, because it's not like this happens a lot. As far as he knows. Fuck, does it? What if there are a whole bunch of people going through this school, who have been through what he went through and... no-one even noticed?
“So. Finn,” she says hesitantly.
He smiles a little. “Hey, Ms. P,” he says. “Do you have a pamphlet or something?”
She sighs. “Plenty. Yet I'm not quite sure they'd be appropriate right now.”
“Oh.” Finn's kind of worried that's proof for his little what if this happens all the time? thing from before. But he doesn't really want to think about that a lot, so he pushes it to the back of his mind. He turns to just awkwardly squirming in his chair. He did kind of want to talk to her, but he doesn't really know why, or how.
Ms. Pilsbury side. “Finn, do you want to talk?”
“Yeah. Well, kinda,” he says. “I mean... Principal Figgins said it was probably a good idea I go talk to you after he yanked me into his office and made me say what happened. It seemed like a good idea, so I did. I mean, kind of because he was... not being so great about the whole thing, and I was like 'wait, isn't it Ms. Pilsbury's job to be good with this stuff?' so... yeah.”
Ms. P frowns slightly. “What exactly do you mean by 'not so great'?”
Finn bites his lip. If he says all this, can he get Figgins into actual trouble? Does he want to? “Er... I guess he was kind of, um, skeptical? Like... he asked me to tell him what happened, and I told him, and then it just sort of seemed like he didn't believe me. He started going on about how, if I was lying I really needed to fess up, before I like, ruined their lives...” he pauses. “You think I overreacted? 'Cause, I mean, I guess he did have to be really sure before punishing them on a sort of, um, rape-y level, that it was actually... but it just really hurt that what I said about all this seemed to be so freaking unbelievable to everyone. Does that make any sense?”
Ms. Pilsbury sighs sadly. “Finn, your feelings are perfectly justified. It was worthwhile for him to ask and make sure it really was sexual assault, but once you said it was he shouldn't have doubted you like that. Unfortunately, that happens every so often. People in positions of authority do tend to be terrible when it comes to things like this. It's awful, and tends to have repercussions on the mental state of the victim, but... it tends to go like that. I'm sorry.”
Finn blinks at her. “Oh,” he says. “So I can't get him in trouble for it?”
She sighs. “Possibly, but I'm not sure and I can't be certain anyone else would be much better... I'll talk to him, if you want.”
“As long as you don't get fired,” he says. She smiles and nods.
“Alright then. So... apart from your struggles with my boss, do you want to talk? About the... incident itself?”
“Uh...” Finn trails off. “I think so, but I don't know where to start, so...”
Ms. Pilsbury nods. “That's perfectly understandable, Finn, take your time.”
He sighs. “I think I'm too calm,” he says. “I mean, I feel bad about it, but... I feel like I should be crying and going crazy. I was doing that a couple of days ago. I made this total serial killer wall thing - not that I'm actually going to kill anyone, though, it was just this thing I did when remembering how, like, once I wouldn't have been a target for this kind of crap... Um. But now I'm back here, I'm being kinda... normal about the whole thing, well except for when Figgins pissed me off, and I think I shouldn't be. Plus, a whole bunch of people seem to be thinking I was consenting when all this happened - or at least, Rachel said people were - so if I was acting like I should be, it might kind of prove them wrong?”
“Finn,” says Ms. P, “there is no way you 'should' be acting. That's not how it works. You can react to this calmly, or with complete panic, and no-one has any right to tell you you should be acting any differently. Okay?”
Finn blinks at her. “Um. Okay.”
There's a pause.
“...That was quite awkward, wasn't it?”
“Kinda, yeah.”
“Sorry,” says Ms. Pilsbury. “I'm trying to help.”
“I think you're helping,” he says. She smiles at him.
“Thank you,” she says. “So, you feel... hurt by people who seem to believe this was a...?”
Finn shrugs uncomfortably. “I guess? I mean, it's not really fair. I haven't really seen the photos, so they could be like, give no evidence of how this whole thing went down... And not everyone knows me, or them, very well, so they wouldn't really have any reason to think... But it feels like they should know. Like, I want everyone to be able to see my point of view on all this, and believe me, or whatever. And I'm pretty sure half the people thinking like this actually do kind of know me, and with all evidence they shouldn't think I'd ever go for it, but they do because they all think I'm gay for being in Glee or whatever. Which is bullshit, because even if I did swing that way those guys are assholes and I would find better people hook up with, seriously.” He pauses. “Er... sorry about the swearing, Ms. P.”
“It's quite alright, Finn,” she says. “And your feelings make sense. People believing this attack was anything other than just that... It's going to hurt. A lot. And honestly, I'm not sure how easy it will be to convince people otherwise. It shouldn't be like that, but it's just another way in which the world... isn't always great when it comes to these sorts of situations.”
Finn frowns. “I'm pretty sure you're meant to be telling me things will get better, or something like that.”
She nods slowly. “Unfortunately, I can't promise you that. Look, many - most - victims of sexual assault or abuse recover, and go on to live full, healthy lives. But I can't guarantee it for you. I can't guarantee people are going to make it easier, either - I'm sure you will have a strong support network, but I can't say that people won't say and do really stupid, offensive things. I can't say the only people who do this will be doing it intentionally, out of malice. I can't say the people caring for you, in that support network, won't sometimes be the ones who do just that. I can't even say, as a counselor, I won't sometimes do that myself.” Finn stares at her in confusion, and she sighs. “All I can personally promise? Is that, as faculty member of your school, if you require help with this then I will make every attempt I possible can to provide just that. That's all.”
Finn bites his lip. “Okay,” he says. “Well, I can't say you're not trying or whatever... thanks, Ms. P.”
“You're welcome,” she says.
“...So, what do I do?”
She sighs. “I'm not sure,” she says, “but I think it has to be your choice.”