confession
it's 5:49pm. i just woke up from an afternoon nap (yes, i do this a lot these days) in my dark room. and the mood is so dramatic, kulang na lang umuulan pang-movie na.
and i was just thinking. it may not seem it, and it may sound very unbelievable coming from
me, but i really treasure everyone in ENTA, the alumni, my batchmates, the EBs, the younger batches, even those i barely knew. I look at you people and I feel inadequate, sad, disappointed, irritated, inspired, hopeful, wow-ed, proud... that is because i love this org.
and I'm leaving.
I regret the lost time. I regret the lost opportunities to make bonds during the years I was here. I regret the broken relationships. But I appreciate all of my experiences from ENTA, from the good ones to the ugly ones.
I remember when I first encountered ENTA. It was the org tours. There were two guys (i think it was LJ and Gino) presenting in the booth/room. The presentation wasn't very good, but the moment I entered the room I knew I wanted to be in this org. I couldn't explain why. Surely enough I joined come recweek.
Oh, how you remember everything when you're leaving!
I remember how I was the prettiest above all gays during my freshman year (haha, JOKE!)... but really ... ;-)
And then I became a married lady. (CHOS! nanaman)
I remember taking over as finance officer mid-sophomore year. In my first PLEVSEM as the new finance officer, I wanted to take control of all the money. Boom, Jetty, Kaye were reluctant. Hey I was very new and already I wanted to take over every money that ENTA had. It was understandable that they'd be concerned. Back then, I was already causing some ruckus.
At about the same time, I felt I was already on the "inside". I felt I had a voice. I had a stake.
I remember my first election, I was up all night making a speech for the miting de avance.
And I remember when I resigned, it was a bittersweet decision...
I remember that every semester I look forward to the PLEVSEM. My favorite part of it was the constitution evaluation/convention. One PLEVSEM, Boom opened the floor for any clarifications on the consti and I couldn't understand the mission/vision statement so I kept on questioning the meaning of the VMO. Until I just gave up because it was taking too much time.
The PLEVSEM was the time when every involved and concerned member of the org came together, bonded, reaffirmed their passion, infected each other with passion. I loved every one of it.
And how about the prods? Wow.
From Exodo to Buwan at Baril. My first and last prods were both directed by Allan Forte.
In Exodo, I had a very small role but I loved doing it nevertheless.
Langit Lupa Impiyerno, Asst. PM. That was a great prod. It probably reinvented ENTA. My first encounter with Direk Jerry Respeto. I played as one of the manangs in "Mga Santong Tao" AND I'm owning the manang role. That quirky, sometimes blind sometimes retarded, manang in DRAG. No one can take that away from me.
Bahay-bahayan, it was a great prod. I was the FOH manager, my first time. We had shows where four people watched.
My second time as FOH manager, Sandaang panaginip, four hundred people watched every show.
Tapon-tapon, seating capacity: 70.
Bombita, the prod I was supposed to head. But was unceremoniously ousted.
ISA pa nga. manang uli.
Maiba Taya. Hello Alan De Leon. Si sir morny ang dapat kong pasalamatan dito dahil siya ang nagtiwala sa akin. I needed that.
Ulitan Maiba Taya. Im glad I had the chance to re-do this play. It was like a redemption for me. I got back to ADMU. And i had better relationships with the people in the cast. And I was given a chance to improve.
Technically this is my last play. Pasingit bago ako lumisan. pasingit dahil dumating uli siya nung summer, at the last stretch of my stay in ENTA. I couldn't be happier that this was my last play, my last role in ENTA. I felt the role. The prodigal son, misunderstood, everyone's enemy, then comes back and is forgiven.
At the last scene, when Mother forgives and hugs Alan, at the last show, I genuinely cried.
For a brief moment, my emotions were beyond control. Something burst out of me. My heart was pounding and real tears came out. My body knew it was the end. At that brief moment on stage, no one can see but the mask broke. It was a good way to end my stay.
I am forever grateful to ENTA for everything...
JJ
and i was just thinking. it may not seem it, and it may sound very unbelievable coming from
me, but i really treasure everyone in ENTA, the alumni, my batchmates, the EBs, the younger batches, even those i barely knew. I look at you people and I feel inadequate, sad, disappointed, irritated, inspired, hopeful, wow-ed, proud... that is because i love this org.
and I'm leaving.
I regret the lost time. I regret the lost opportunities to make bonds during the years I was here. I regret the broken relationships. But I appreciate all of my experiences from ENTA, from the good ones to the ugly ones.
I remember when I first encountered ENTA. It was the org tours. There were two guys (i think it was LJ and Gino) presenting in the booth/room. The presentation wasn't very good, but the moment I entered the room I knew I wanted to be in this org. I couldn't explain why. Surely enough I joined come recweek.
Oh, how you remember everything when you're leaving!
I remember how I was the prettiest above all gays during my freshman year (haha, JOKE!)... but really ... ;-)
And then I became a married lady. (CHOS! nanaman)
I remember taking over as finance officer mid-sophomore year. In my first PLEVSEM as the new finance officer, I wanted to take control of all the money. Boom, Jetty, Kaye were reluctant. Hey I was very new and already I wanted to take over every money that ENTA had. It was understandable that they'd be concerned. Back then, I was already causing some ruckus.
At about the same time, I felt I was already on the "inside". I felt I had a voice. I had a stake.
I remember my first election, I was up all night making a speech for the miting de avance.
And I remember when I resigned, it was a bittersweet decision...
I remember that every semester I look forward to the PLEVSEM. My favorite part of it was the constitution evaluation/convention. One PLEVSEM, Boom opened the floor for any clarifications on the consti and I couldn't understand the mission/vision statement so I kept on questioning the meaning of the VMO. Until I just gave up because it was taking too much time.
The PLEVSEM was the time when every involved and concerned member of the org came together, bonded, reaffirmed their passion, infected each other with passion. I loved every one of it.
And how about the prods? Wow.
From Exodo to Buwan at Baril. My first and last prods were both directed by Allan Forte.
In Exodo, I had a very small role but I loved doing it nevertheless.
Langit Lupa Impiyerno, Asst. PM. That was a great prod. It probably reinvented ENTA. My first encounter with Direk Jerry Respeto. I played as one of the manangs in "Mga Santong Tao" AND I'm owning the manang role. That quirky, sometimes blind sometimes retarded, manang in DRAG. No one can take that away from me.
Bahay-bahayan, it was a great prod. I was the FOH manager, my first time. We had shows where four people watched.
My second time as FOH manager, Sandaang panaginip, four hundred people watched every show.
Tapon-tapon, seating capacity: 70.
Bombita, the prod I was supposed to head. But was unceremoniously ousted.
ISA pa nga. manang uli.
Maiba Taya. Hello Alan De Leon. Si sir morny ang dapat kong pasalamatan dito dahil siya ang nagtiwala sa akin. I needed that.
Ulitan Maiba Taya. Im glad I had the chance to re-do this play. It was like a redemption for me. I got back to ADMU. And i had better relationships with the people in the cast. And I was given a chance to improve.
Technically this is my last play. Pasingit bago ako lumisan. pasingit dahil dumating uli siya nung summer, at the last stretch of my stay in ENTA. I couldn't be happier that this was my last play, my last role in ENTA. I felt the role. The prodigal son, misunderstood, everyone's enemy, then comes back and is forgiven.
At the last scene, when Mother forgives and hugs Alan, at the last show, I genuinely cried.
For a brief moment, my emotions were beyond control. Something burst out of me. My heart was pounding and real tears came out. My body knew it was the end. At that brief moment on stage, no one can see but the mask broke. It was a good way to end my stay.
I am forever grateful to ENTA for everything...
JJ