Operation Bear Claw
This is the last one for a long time. Maybe forever. Why I constantly tempt fate and put a job in jeopardy that lets me have a mowhawk and pays for my school for the sake of a few stupid pranks, I'll never know. I figure I may as well document it if it's going to cost me my livelihood and means for the single greatest source of happiness in my life. I've been using up the majority of my "well, he is a great worker and has a great attitude" cache, but for some reason I have to keep pushing it. The fact that these schemes never lead to formal discipline contributes to my delusion that I'm invincible, yet I can't help but wonder if there is really is no such thing in my office as "formal discipline". 0 to guillotine. Anyway, here are the players:
7 traffic cones
Dozens of boxes
1 alarm clock, hidden in the false ceiling
~50 mousetraps
Half an industrial roll of tin foil
The key to the vending machine
What really ties it together are the donuts.
They look normal (normal for Voodoo at least), but on the inside are various fillings such as: horseradish, wasabi, cottage cheese, baby food (beef and gravy i think), and something else that i can't recall at the moment. There was also cayenne powder added to some of the frosting and chili powder incorporated somehow. I have no idea what was done to a good portion of them. Only one edible one, and for a good reason. I figured as soon as the first victim bit into one of them the jig would be up, so I came up with a BRILLIANT plan to spread the wrath as much as possible. I figured at least 1 or 2 warehouse guys and 1 or 2 chumps from other departments would wander in and eat one, regardless of whether or not everyone else in the office had had any of them yet. Due to the nature nature of most of the pranks that have taken place and the mindset of those involved, typically if someone gets burned they don't sound the alarm. They deviously wait to see who else falls for it and take comfort in the commiseration and schadenfreude. The only problem was that I was targeting a specific group, namely, my direct co-workers that first sparked this retaliatory operation. So, taking in to account their various feelings towards each other and their relationship to me, I sent an e-mail or two, and texted one other that I was closest with. Basically each one said something along the lines of "Hey, if you haven't found out by now, those donuts on the filing cabinet will fuck up your world. You're my best friend here in the office and I'm not trying to get you, so I thought I'd let you know that *this one* and *this one* are actually ok to eat. Don't tell anyone else!" It has to work. The main thing working for me is that I won't be there to get tangled in my own web of lies or give up the farm with countless shit-eating grins.
I really hope I don't get axed though. I still need to find a clown costume for some dude named Panther so he can surprise my boss with a lap dance during her manager's meeting.
7 traffic cones
Dozens of boxes
1 alarm clock, hidden in the false ceiling
~50 mousetraps
Half an industrial roll of tin foil
The key to the vending machine
What really ties it together are the donuts.
They look normal (normal for Voodoo at least), but on the inside are various fillings such as: horseradish, wasabi, cottage cheese, baby food (beef and gravy i think), and something else that i can't recall at the moment. There was also cayenne powder added to some of the frosting and chili powder incorporated somehow. I have no idea what was done to a good portion of them. Only one edible one, and for a good reason. I figured as soon as the first victim bit into one of them the jig would be up, so I came up with a BRILLIANT plan to spread the wrath as much as possible. I figured at least 1 or 2 warehouse guys and 1 or 2 chumps from other departments would wander in and eat one, regardless of whether or not everyone else in the office had had any of them yet. Due to the nature nature of most of the pranks that have taken place and the mindset of those involved, typically if someone gets burned they don't sound the alarm. They deviously wait to see who else falls for it and take comfort in the commiseration and schadenfreude. The only problem was that I was targeting a specific group, namely, my direct co-workers that first sparked this retaliatory operation. So, taking in to account their various feelings towards each other and their relationship to me, I sent an e-mail or two, and texted one other that I was closest with. Basically each one said something along the lines of "Hey, if you haven't found out by now, those donuts on the filing cabinet will fuck up your world. You're my best friend here in the office and I'm not trying to get you, so I thought I'd let you know that *this one* and *this one* are actually ok to eat. Don't tell anyone else!" It has to work. The main thing working for me is that I won't be there to get tangled in my own web of lies or give up the farm with countless shit-eating grins.
I really hope I don't get axed though. I still need to find a clown costume for some dude named Panther so he can surprise my boss with a lap dance during her manager's meeting.