i see the vision through your eyes
So, all but Laura, Tamara, Soon, Drew, Matt, and Jake A have left. Well, Soon leaves tomorrow so I guess he doesn't really count.
It's a strange feeling...realizing both the end of summer and the end of the last of my life, with the rest waiting ahead of me. Walking outside today it felt about 75 degrees and breezy and bright...it reminded me incredibly of that first day of the school year as winter ends and spring is coming, when we would actually go outside to eat lunch, or go into town just to go, even if no one was hungry. When you're just in such a good mood and youre wearing a skirt for the first time since September. And as I was driving to town to get Sushi from Village Market I felt like I could see myself on some theatre screen. I was thinking about the previous notions...the reminder of spring, and practically everyone gone...and it barely felt real. But it was the best kind of break from reality I've ever felt...I felt alone, driving suddenly to nowhere specific..where I was going didnt matter. The only things that mattered were those memories and the wind blowing my hair across my sunglasses and I didn't mind feeling alone.
But then I got to Village Market and all they had left were Spicy Salmon rolls, not my fave. So after that my car looked like a car again and not some little dream machine driving across clouds.
Mike left on Tuesday morning. I don't really have any words to describe how I felt and how I'm feeling now. He's all I can think about and watching him drive away was like watching the tide go out.
I kept/keep forgetting that he went to College, not just some overnight or weeklong trip. I have an extra key to his car(in case he loses his...well, not so much "in case", more like "because") and I saw it on my dresser and starting coming up with some little suprise I could plant in it that he would see when he came back. And then I remembered. Then I went to Laura's house where I hung out with her and Tamara for approximately 13 straight hours. We got sushi and talked a lot and watched The Notebook like true girls who's boyfriends all left for school.
I'm going to North Carolina to see him the last week in September. So 5 weeks really isnt THAT bad, but it's already felt like 3. It's even harder for me now because he's at college very busy with orientation and moving in and getting to know his roommate and meeting people and everyyyything and I'm still home for 2 more weeks. Not really not too much to do now that most people are gone and all I do is think about him, and want to talk to him, and want to be with him. And I want him to miss me as much as I'm missing him but I know thats just not possible because his mind occupied with way too many things for him to possibly be thinking of me as often as I do about him. Of course its not his fault, but knowing that is so painful. Things are always more painful when you can't place blame. We love to place blame.
I've only spoken to him about 3 times for about 10 minutes each time...less the first time. I know that once things calm down there he'll have more time but I hate waiting. And I feel so pathetic because I'm literally just waiting around all day for a phone call.
Thank God Laura is still here after everyone else leaves...and Drew and Jake. Life isn't so bad.
I'd like to hire a plane.
I'd see you in the morning,
when the day is fresh.
I'm coming home again.
It's warmer where you're waiting.
It feels more like July.
There's pillows in their cases
and one of those is mine.
It's a strange feeling...realizing both the end of summer and the end of the last of my life, with the rest waiting ahead of me. Walking outside today it felt about 75 degrees and breezy and bright...it reminded me incredibly of that first day of the school year as winter ends and spring is coming, when we would actually go outside to eat lunch, or go into town just to go, even if no one was hungry. When you're just in such a good mood and youre wearing a skirt for the first time since September. And as I was driving to town to get Sushi from Village Market I felt like I could see myself on some theatre screen. I was thinking about the previous notions...the reminder of spring, and practically everyone gone...and it barely felt real. But it was the best kind of break from reality I've ever felt...I felt alone, driving suddenly to nowhere specific..where I was going didnt matter. The only things that mattered were those memories and the wind blowing my hair across my sunglasses and I didn't mind feeling alone.
But then I got to Village Market and all they had left were Spicy Salmon rolls, not my fave. So after that my car looked like a car again and not some little dream machine driving across clouds.
Mike left on Tuesday morning. I don't really have any words to describe how I felt and how I'm feeling now. He's all I can think about and watching him drive away was like watching the tide go out.
I kept/keep forgetting that he went to College, not just some overnight or weeklong trip. I have an extra key to his car(in case he loses his...well, not so much "in case", more like "because") and I saw it on my dresser and starting coming up with some little suprise I could plant in it that he would see when he came back. And then I remembered. Then I went to Laura's house where I hung out with her and Tamara for approximately 13 straight hours. We got sushi and talked a lot and watched The Notebook like true girls who's boyfriends all left for school.
I'm going to North Carolina to see him the last week in September. So 5 weeks really isnt THAT bad, but it's already felt like 3. It's even harder for me now because he's at college very busy with orientation and moving in and getting to know his roommate and meeting people and everyyyything and I'm still home for 2 more weeks. Not really not too much to do now that most people are gone and all I do is think about him, and want to talk to him, and want to be with him. And I want him to miss me as much as I'm missing him but I know thats just not possible because his mind occupied with way too many things for him to possibly be thinking of me as often as I do about him. Of course its not his fault, but knowing that is so painful. Things are always more painful when you can't place blame. We love to place blame.
I've only spoken to him about 3 times for about 10 minutes each time...less the first time. I know that once things calm down there he'll have more time but I hate waiting. And I feel so pathetic because I'm literally just waiting around all day for a phone call.
Thank God Laura is still here after everyone else leaves...and Drew and Jake. Life isn't so bad.
I'd like to hire a plane.
I'd see you in the morning,
when the day is fresh.
I'm coming home again.
It's warmer where you're waiting.
It feels more like July.
There's pillows in their cases
and one of those is mine.