You sound like me three years ago. I had to respond.
The internet can be a very liberating and yet disturbing medium. In some ways the anonymity means you can, in theory, say whatever you want because nobody knows it was you and therefore can not really truly land on you for anything. On the other hand some people do consider it a medium to be downright vicious towards each other.
Misunderstandings happen, and most people will realise that. If you say something online, someone can miscontrue it, as they have no tone of voice or facial expression to accompany those words. In these situations, if you apologise for the misunderstanding and they still go off on one, you cannot be expected to do anything more.
It's tough, but the trick is to reach a point where you have the confidence to know that YOU are in the right when someone does this. They are welcome to feel or say whatever they wish, but once you have that solidarity you learn to let it run off you like the proverbial water and the duck. It's not that you stop caring about what other people feel, or what they think of you, it's just that it stops becoming the be all and end all.
And on a personal note, I still have an underlying iota of paranoia with my own LJ. I have no idea how people reading it actually perceive me (probably as a slovenly alcoholic bigot with a gob the size of a small continent and a genuine hatred for all things positive and life-affirming). It does worry me, you are not alone there. Sometimes I think "oh how everyone must loath me!" and when you used the words "vitriolic hate" I had a brief moment of "that wasn't me was it?". But I'm sure it wasn't. And just so you know you're not alone, I cried the first time someone said something mean to me on an internet thing. The sad thing was, it wasn't all that horrible. Some person just decided to email me to send me one entirely non-constructive blatently critical sentence. But that was years and years ago.
I'm sure once you get posting your confidence will grow. Friend-lock your posts or comments if you wish.
Thanks for the kind words. Of course, it wasn't you. In fact, you saved me from my pathetic despair. I saw a mention in the DM Forum that you were an LJ member. You seemed so nice and friendly and I really needed a friend. Thanks. Everyone in the Dylan forum is funny and cordial. Great place.
Ah, that was me blatently self-pimping. "I wrote some funnies! Come talk to me! I'll give you cake!" I bribe people with entertainment in exchange for their company. I'm needy and pathetic really.
I have never known a friendlier forum than the DMF bunch. Everyone's so laidback. There are no flame wars, no "stay on topic or we'll ban you - mod" issues, and even when people disagree over stuff they normally just have friendly debates. I have seen one occurence the whole time that could have got nasty, but that was immediately smoothed out. I love the lot of them.
The internet can be a very liberating and yet disturbing medium. In some ways the anonymity means you can, in theory, say whatever you want because nobody knows it was you and therefore can not really truly land on you for anything. On the other hand some people do consider it a medium to be downright vicious towards each other.
Misunderstandings happen, and most people will realise that. If you say something online, someone can miscontrue it, as they have no tone of voice or facial expression to accompany those words. In these situations, if you apologise for the misunderstanding and they still go off on one, you cannot be expected to do anything more.
It's tough, but the trick is to reach a point where you have the confidence to know that YOU are in the right when someone does this. They are welcome to feel or say whatever they wish, but once you have that solidarity you learn to let it run off you like the proverbial water and the duck. It's not that you stop caring about what other people feel, or what they think of you, it's just that it stops becoming the be all and end all.
And on a personal note, I still have an underlying iota of paranoia with my own LJ. I have no idea how people reading it actually perceive me (probably as a slovenly alcoholic bigot with a gob the size of a small continent and a genuine hatred for all things positive and life-affirming). It does worry me, you are not alone there. Sometimes I think "oh how everyone must loath me!" and when you used the words "vitriolic hate" I had a brief moment of "that wasn't me was it?". But I'm sure it wasn't. And just so you know you're not alone, I cried the first time someone said something mean to me on an internet thing. The sad thing was, it wasn't all that horrible. Some person just decided to email me to send me one entirely non-constructive blatently critical sentence. But that was years and years ago.
I'm sure once you get posting your confidence will grow. Friend-lock your posts or comments if you wish.
Reply
Everyone in the Dylan forum is funny and cordial. Great place.
Reply
I have never known a friendlier forum than the DMF bunch. Everyone's so laidback. There are no flame wars, no "stay on topic or we'll ban you - mod" issues, and even when people disagree over stuff they normally just have friendly debates. I have seen one occurence the whole time that could have got nasty, but that was immediately smoothed out. I love the lot of them.
Reply
Leave a comment