one week gone
Tom Cat is gone. Left for home after looking at the weather forecast for tomorrow, the intended leave date. I remember doing things like that but I just don't care about the weather anymore. So long as I have gas and my clothes are appropriate I will go out anyway.
Victor's for breakfast before he left. It was great as usual.
Good food, good wine, and good company was had the entire week. I learned a lot about myself and about the road ahead of me. We played Zelda. We astonished him with our lack of possessiveness. I was confused about the need to have a game to be able to be playful. I was accused of being difficult and complicated. I rightly reminded that this is not news to anyone.
Hecate's moon was wonderful and needed. Ministry is still in part creating space for others to do the work that they need to do. I think I am getting better at noticing when, even if someone needs to do work and have that space created for them, they are not going to do the work for reasons of their own. I'm getting better at accepting that those reasons are perfectly valid and that is where they are at right now and that is ok. I'm getting better at not being torn to pieces when I need to walk away from a person who has chosen not to do their work for all of those perfectly valid reasons. Who am I to judge? Maybe they need to do other work before they can get to that work? Its ok. And no matter then condemnation I may receive, I do not need to remain.
So many people around me are getting to the place of peace with leaving things behind that are no longer good for them or are a negative energy sink. I keep reading this in journals and hearing about it spoken in wondrous blessed tones. I guess when you really own your own shit and leave others to their own shit it lifts weight off that you didn't even know you were carrying. This one huge area that the Honey has been my teacher in a huge way.
He is so good at recognizing that people's actions are seated in their own problems not his and he simply lets it be theirs. He is a problem solver but he only solves problems that are his to solve. He really knows that you can't solve someone else's problems for them, it just doesn't work. He is such a blessing for me.
He and I have a similar weakness in that wall tho. Kids. Niece continues to be a worry. Children and animals cannot care for themselves. They cannot advocate for their best interests. Their caregivers are supposed to do that for them. How do you deal with the situation of a caregiver not acting in the best interest of their charge? Add in a 10 hour drive and crossing three state lines? Nothing we can do for those kids. We help pay for their court appointed representative, which they have to have since their mother started using them as pawns. Baseball bat therapy is a fantasy of mine. Even still, I have to remember that they are all acting in what they believe to be their own best interests. I happen to disagree with what that looks like. *sigh*
Wine bar exploit. I was giving some good natured ribbing to the owner about a wine that has been on the menu since they opened. According to the staff they have never had this wine. He was sure there was a bottle and went downstairs to check. He came back with a glass of apology because there was no such bottle in house. The apology was Vintage Pedro Ximenez 1985 sherry. He also brought out a slice of really nice blue cheese that was supposed to go really well with the wine. I declined for obvious reasons but everyone else at the table said it was amazing and did go well with the wine, which I very nicely shared a sip with everyone at the table. Server of awesomeness brought the end of the same bottle and gave it to me. Not enough to fill another glass so I got the remainder. Linzer torte(lingonberry) that
welshbard ordered was really nice. I don't usually go for berry type tortes but this was was cooked down far enough that it was close to a solid state. Really nice flavor with the crust. Tiramisu was wonderful as usual.
Free food and booze do not make up for a shitty bar experience for me. This is probably unsurprising to people that know me. Still it was a sad thing to experience this weekend past. Howl At The Moon gets one more try from me. Preferably months from now when the musicians have the opportunity to get well into their groove.
Shrine space is back up. That feels good too. I need to make a date to go thru my new book with
welshbard. I haven't cracked the cover yet. Its still wrapped.
Having company for a week means having to continue to live life while company is here. Its not something I have tried before. I think it worked better but it also takes energy. I don't often have people in the house when I am physically down and just need to rest instead of be on. The Honey is generally the only one that sees that part of my life. I have to trust that a person isn't going to try to fix me and fight the "problem" or any number of other useless things you could insert into that sentence. I don't pretend that is an easy thing(see note above about difficult). It is required for me to trust someone though. I need the ability to take care of myself even when I cannot physically do so. Conundrum much? :) Tom Cat did pretty well. He noticed some of the outward signs that I am feeling better which is good cause I'm pretty good at hiding how I am feeling physically.
More holiday shopping needs to happen. Holiday cards need to be finished off and sent out. Need to decide if we are going to put our pic in it this year.
LMFAO reminds me of Dance Band...dunno how I feel about that.
This has gotten way longer than I expected it to be. I told
amandajayne98 that I needed to journal. This isn't even what I was talking about.
Taking a page from Cindy I give you DUF(daily useless fact): Tort is a wrongful act, torte is a cake or tart. This message brought to you by my need to figure out how to properly pluralize the cake. How many restaurants have you seen that used the wrong spelling?
X-posted to DW
Victor's for breakfast before he left. It was great as usual.
Good food, good wine, and good company was had the entire week. I learned a lot about myself and about the road ahead of me. We played Zelda. We astonished him with our lack of possessiveness. I was confused about the need to have a game to be able to be playful. I was accused of being difficult and complicated. I rightly reminded that this is not news to anyone.
Hecate's moon was wonderful and needed. Ministry is still in part creating space for others to do the work that they need to do. I think I am getting better at noticing when, even if someone needs to do work and have that space created for them, they are not going to do the work for reasons of their own. I'm getting better at accepting that those reasons are perfectly valid and that is where they are at right now and that is ok. I'm getting better at not being torn to pieces when I need to walk away from a person who has chosen not to do their work for all of those perfectly valid reasons. Who am I to judge? Maybe they need to do other work before they can get to that work? Its ok. And no matter then condemnation I may receive, I do not need to remain.
So many people around me are getting to the place of peace with leaving things behind that are no longer good for them or are a negative energy sink. I keep reading this in journals and hearing about it spoken in wondrous blessed tones. I guess when you really own your own shit and leave others to their own shit it lifts weight off that you didn't even know you were carrying. This one huge area that the Honey has been my teacher in a huge way.
He is so good at recognizing that people's actions are seated in their own problems not his and he simply lets it be theirs. He is a problem solver but he only solves problems that are his to solve. He really knows that you can't solve someone else's problems for them, it just doesn't work. He is such a blessing for me.
He and I have a similar weakness in that wall tho. Kids. Niece continues to be a worry. Children and animals cannot care for themselves. They cannot advocate for their best interests. Their caregivers are supposed to do that for them. How do you deal with the situation of a caregiver not acting in the best interest of their charge? Add in a 10 hour drive and crossing three state lines? Nothing we can do for those kids. We help pay for their court appointed representative, which they have to have since their mother started using them as pawns. Baseball bat therapy is a fantasy of mine. Even still, I have to remember that they are all acting in what they believe to be their own best interests. I happen to disagree with what that looks like. *sigh*
Wine bar exploit. I was giving some good natured ribbing to the owner about a wine that has been on the menu since they opened. According to the staff they have never had this wine. He was sure there was a bottle and went downstairs to check. He came back with a glass of apology because there was no such bottle in house. The apology was Vintage Pedro Ximenez 1985 sherry. He also brought out a slice of really nice blue cheese that was supposed to go really well with the wine. I declined for obvious reasons but everyone else at the table said it was amazing and did go well with the wine, which I very nicely shared a sip with everyone at the table. Server of awesomeness brought the end of the same bottle and gave it to me. Not enough to fill another glass so I got the remainder. Linzer torte(lingonberry) that
welshbard ordered was really nice. I don't usually go for berry type tortes but this was was cooked down far enough that it was close to a solid state. Really nice flavor with the crust. Tiramisu was wonderful as usual.
Free food and booze do not make up for a shitty bar experience for me. This is probably unsurprising to people that know me. Still it was a sad thing to experience this weekend past. Howl At The Moon gets one more try from me. Preferably months from now when the musicians have the opportunity to get well into their groove.
Shrine space is back up. That feels good too. I need to make a date to go thru my new book with
welshbard. I haven't cracked the cover yet. Its still wrapped.
Having company for a week means having to continue to live life while company is here. Its not something I have tried before. I think it worked better but it also takes energy. I don't often have people in the house when I am physically down and just need to rest instead of be on. The Honey is generally the only one that sees that part of my life. I have to trust that a person isn't going to try to fix me and fight the "problem" or any number of other useless things you could insert into that sentence. I don't pretend that is an easy thing(see note above about difficult). It is required for me to trust someone though. I need the ability to take care of myself even when I cannot physically do so. Conundrum much? :) Tom Cat did pretty well. He noticed some of the outward signs that I am feeling better which is good cause I'm pretty good at hiding how I am feeling physically.
More holiday shopping needs to happen. Holiday cards need to be finished off and sent out. Need to decide if we are going to put our pic in it this year.
LMFAO reminds me of Dance Band...dunno how I feel about that.
This has gotten way longer than I expected it to be. I told
amandajayne98 that I needed to journal. This isn't even what I was talking about.
Taking a page from Cindy I give you DUF(daily useless fact): Tort is a wrongful act, torte is a cake or tart. This message brought to you by my need to figure out how to properly pluralize the cake. How many restaurants have you seen that used the wrong spelling?
X-posted to DW