Losses And Gains
Title: Losses And Gains
Author: Ragna (afteriwake)
Pairing: Ukitake/Yoruichi
Rating: PG
Spoilers (if applicable): Set after the Deicide arc, so if you aren't up to date on what's coming out in Japan you'll be spoiled..
Warnings (if applicable): None.
Summary: Memories swirl around them and all he wants is for her to stay.
Authors Notes: kanjo_girl wanted this pairing and the prompt “stolen time.” I hope you like it!
---
”I have to go. I’m sorry.”
“Yoruichi…”
“I can’t explain. But…you are my friend. I’ll miss you, Jushiro.” And with one last smile, she flash steps away, leaving him alone in the early morning light.
Ever since she had shown up in Soul Society again, that scene flashed in his mind. It had been a hundred years since it had happened, and it had gotten to the point where it had only popped up in his thoughts a few times a year, not more than five or six. Now, it was daily, if not more frequently.
“Jushiro?”
He looked up from the cup of tea he’d been staring at and saw her at the door. He looked, blinked once, and then smiled. He wasn’t sure if she’d see him, or go back with the others and stay away for another hundred years. It had been a week since that day on the hill, since the day Aizen had shown his true colors, and other than a brief hug and the promise that they would talk later, he hadn’t talked to her since. “Yoruichi. Come in.”
She stepped into his office and looked around. “I meant to talk to you earlier, but…things got busy. I apologize.”
“It is good to see you anyway,” he said, setting his cup down and standing up. He went over to her and she hugged him quickly. “Can you stay for a cup of tea?”
She shook her head. “Not right now, but in two hours or so I can. I have news for General Yamamoto from Kisuke. Is that okay?”
He nodded. “I’ll be eating dinner then, but yes, that’s fine.”
“If you don’t mind company, I’ll gladly share a meal with you,” she said, looking at him expectantly.
“I’ll just have to tell Shunsui that he has to eat by himself tonight,” he said with a laugh.
“Good!” she said with a wide warm smile. “I’ll see you in two hours, then.”
“All right then.” She gave him a small wave and left again, and as he went back to his seat he realized how much he was looking forward to spending some time with his old friend.
--
”You have such pretty hair.”
“Why don’t you grow yours out?” he asks.
She leans her head back and laughs, a deep, rich, throaty laugh. He loves hearing her laugh. It’s not polite and subdued like Retsu’s, and it makes him smile every time she does it. “If I had long hair it could be used against me in a fight. It’s just not a good idea.”
“Well, I think it would look good on you.”
She turns to look at him, a big smile on her face. “Maybe one day.”
Today they were relaxing outside. She had come with more news, briefing the captains about the Arrancar threat. Yamamoto was planning on sending some members of the Gotei 13 to the world of the living, Rukia among him. He had just gotten used to having one of his favorite squad members back, but she had Ichigo’s trust, so she should go. But today, his mind was not on work. His mind was on a lovely conversation with Yoruichi in the hour or so it would be before they would all depart.
Her hair was down. He had been staring at it off and on for the last ten minutes. He had thought he was doing it unnoticed when she suddenly stopped. “Go ahead and touch it.”
His eyes widened a bit. “What?”
“You’ve been staring at my hair. Go ahead. Touch it,” she said with a grin, taking a step closer to him.
He reached over and let a few strands flow across his fingers. “It’s soft. Silky,” he said.
“I like it long, but it’s still a pain sometimes. Thankfully no one gets the chance to grab it when I’m fighting because I’m just that fast.”
He looked at her, a smile on his face. “You’re quite the modest person.”
“Well…you know it’s the truth.”
“I do,” he said with a nod.
“Byakuya still hates that I'm faster than him,” she said, taking a step back so they could continue walking.
“He hates it when anyone is better than him,” Ukitake said with a chuckle. Then he sobered slightly. “I wish you would come just because, not because you bring bad news.”
“I know,” she said. “Perhaps next time.”
“Perhaps.”
-
Do you fear death?” she asks, turning her head to look at him. She's lying on the ground on her back, head on a pillow, and he's sitting up, knees hugged to his chest.
“No, not really,” he says, tilting his head slightly.
“You're going to die sooner than the rest of us because you're sick,” she said.
“I'm still going to live my life to the fullest, Yoruichi,” he says with a smile. “You should do the same.”
She thinks on this for a moment, then smiles brightly. “Yeah, you're probably right.” Then she's sitting up, excitement gleaming in her eyes. “Come on! Let's go get something cool to drink. Like sake.”
“It's early afternoon.”
“Live in the moment, Jushiro!”
This time, the mood is not a bright one. She was not his first visitor, mostly because she was not there when he awoke. He had already been given the bad news, that no one has any clue how much damage was really done when Wonderweiss plunged his hand into his chest. He feels weaker, but the need to live every day to its fullest spurs him on.
But news that he may still have a bright and happy and long future doesn't even register with his visitor today. She'd come in while he was sleeping, and talked him out of a fitful rest. And now he's told her Captain Unohana's news, and she's not taking it well.
“You shouldn't have been there,” she said quietly. “You could have stayed behind and done something else.”
“Then I wouldn't have been doing my duty,” he said gently. She wasn't taking it nearly as hard as his lieutenants had, so that's something. “You understand duty.”
“I ran away from mine,” she said, looking directly at him.
“You could have stayed away from the fighting, Yoruichi.” She made a scoffing noise, and he smiled. “See? Sense of duty.”
“Yes, but...how much time do you have left?” she asked.
He shrugged slightly. “I probably should have died long ago, but I didn't. I can say that I have never felt as though I've been living off borrowed time, though. So I will simply continue to live as though I could die tomorrow.”
“But you could die tomorrow,” she said.
“And I could have died at the fake Karakura Town,” he said. “Yoruichi...this is the life I've chosen. To live every day to its fullest. So please, don't argue with me about how long I have left. Just promise to spend more time with me. I would hate to die missing you.”
She looked at him intently and then nodded. “All right.”
“Good,” he said with a smile, taking his hand in hers. “Now, what else do you want to talk about?”
“Old times?” she suggested, squeezing his hand gently.
“Old times it is,” he said, squeezing back.
-
Do you love anyone?”
The question comes out of his mouth before he thinks, and she looks just as surprised as he thinks he looks. The she tilts her head and squints, then shakes it slightly. “I love people, but I'm not in love with anyone.”
“Not even Urahara-san?”
She laughs so hard she doubles over. “Ki...Kisuke? No! No, not at all. I care for him deeply, but I'm not in love with him.” She smiles, her eyes sparkling. “Are you in love with anyone?”
“Yes,” he says with a nod.
“Really? Who?”
“I can't say.”
“You can tell me,” she says, coming up next to him.
“Maybe later.”
She pouts slightly. “Fine. But I will find out, I promise you that.”
He only smiles, and steers the conversation to something else. She doesn't even notice the faint blush on his cheeks or the fact he can't keep her gaze. In the end, he's most thankful for that.
There is a knock at his door. It is late at night, and he's tired, but he gets up to answer it anyway. He had expected to see her. She had spent more time in Soul Society, now that Aizen had been defeated and Ichigo had been depowered. He's come to accept that he might really have her in his life again.
“I'm not coming back,” she says quietly, not looking at him.
His eyes widen and fear grips his heart. “Why?”
“There's a threat looming. I know it. I need to prepare to face it, to train those with power in the world of the living. And if I go away too long...I don't want to hurt you again, Jushiro. So it's best if I go now and stay away.”
“No.”
“What?” she says, looking up. “No, it is for the best.”
“No, it is not,” he says forcefully. Not angrily, just with enough force that she comprehends he's passionate about this. “I don't want you to leave again. I want you to stay. Or at the very least, this time I want to go with you.”
“But you have duties here,” she said, slightly confused.
“You disappeared for a hundred years. And then you came back. Please don't disappear for a hundred more.” He took her hands and held them in his own. “The morning you left, I wanted to tell you something. I wanted to tell you I loved you.”
She stares at him, her eyes widened with shock. “Jushiro...I...”
“I had fallen in love with you, and I didn't have the courage to tell you. And I thought I had lost my only chance. I wanted to tell you now, so that at least if you decide you truly have to leave again that you would at least know.”
She shook her head for a moment, and then pulled her hands away and dashed the back of her hand across her eyes. “You should have told me earlier,” she said quietly.
“I know. It is my fault for not being brave enough.”
“I...I have to go.”
He looked down. “I understand.”
He felt a hand caress his cheek, and he looked up. “I will...I will try and come back, though. When this business is finished. And then we can talk.”
He nodded slowly. “All right.”
She pulled her hand away, and then, unsure of what to do next, she turned around and walked away, leaving him alone again. At least this time, she knew. He could only hope it was enough to bring her back one more time.
-
”I can beat anyone!” she says triumphantly, helping him up from the ground.
“I'm sick. And I wasn't even trying,” he says, coughing slightly before dusting himself off. “And besides, you know what happens to people who boast too much. Their end is brought about swiftly by their own pride.”
“I know, I know,” she says with a sigh. “All right. Maybe I'm not invincible. But I'm still good.”
He chuckles. “Yes, you're still good.”
He received the news with a sober heart, and did not intend to stay sober for long. He should not have been surprised. Some fighters were good, and Yoruichi was one of the best. But even the best could not survive forever.
She was in critical condition, and Urahara had risked everything to bring her back to Soul Society to get her healed. Captain Unohana had done most of the work herself, and when he saw his old friend tired and spent as she walked outside of the room, he knew it was not a good sign. She clasped him on the shoulder, squeezed gently, and moved to allow him inside.
He went to the chair beside her bed and sat, holding her hand gently. Every bone in her body had been broken, some simple breaks, some not. The only thing that hadn't been was her skull, which was the only reason she had survived as long as she had. Urahara's knowledge of kidou was extensive, and he had performed ever healing kidou he knew, according to the message he had received.
Attached had been a note from Urahara. He had simply asked for him to take care of her. And he intended to do that, to take care of the woman he loved for as long as she lived, whether it was another hour, another year, or another hundred years. He took his other hand and stroked her hair back.
“Yoruichi. I hope you can hear me. I am here for you, for however long you have left in this world. I will not leave you, other than to do my duties. Urahara-san has asked me to take care of you, and I will. So please, for both of us...pull through.” He shut his eyes. “I need you still, Yoruichi. As I have for the past hundred years. I don't want to lose you again.”
He got no response, and with a sigh, he began his vigil.
-
Thoughts and memories drifted and clouded together in her mind as she clawed her way up from the depths, knowing that she needed to wake up. She knows, and she's trying, but it's hard. Every instinct says to stay asleep, that if she wakes up she'll be in more pain than anything she's ever known, but something is forcing her to wake up.
She blinks once, twice, and then turns her head slightly. It takes every ounce of willpower not to scream in agony. But she sees long strands of white hair splayed out on top of her hand, and see the top of Ukitake's head. “Ju...Jushiro,” she said quietly.
“Yes?” he mumbles. He must have been dozing. He must not have realized she awoke.
“I will not leave you again,” she said in a slightly louder voice.
She felt him squeeze her hand, and she relaxed, slipping back into sleep. But before she succumbs completely, she hears one word: “Good.” And she knows that when she wakes up again next time, perhaps they will talk. For now, she follows her body's natural instinct to heal, and slips back into unconsciousness.
Author: Ragna (afteriwake)
Pairing: Ukitake/Yoruichi
Rating: PG
Spoilers (if applicable): Set after the Deicide arc, so if you aren't up to date on what's coming out in Japan you'll be spoiled..
Warnings (if applicable): None.
Summary: Memories swirl around them and all he wants is for her to stay.
Authors Notes: kanjo_girl wanted this pairing and the prompt “stolen time.” I hope you like it!
---
”I have to go. I’m sorry.”
“Yoruichi…”
“I can’t explain. But…you are my friend. I’ll miss you, Jushiro.” And with one last smile, she flash steps away, leaving him alone in the early morning light.
Ever since she had shown up in Soul Society again, that scene flashed in his mind. It had been a hundred years since it had happened, and it had gotten to the point where it had only popped up in his thoughts a few times a year, not more than five or six. Now, it was daily, if not more frequently.
“Jushiro?”
He looked up from the cup of tea he’d been staring at and saw her at the door. He looked, blinked once, and then smiled. He wasn’t sure if she’d see him, or go back with the others and stay away for another hundred years. It had been a week since that day on the hill, since the day Aizen had shown his true colors, and other than a brief hug and the promise that they would talk later, he hadn’t talked to her since. “Yoruichi. Come in.”
She stepped into his office and looked around. “I meant to talk to you earlier, but…things got busy. I apologize.”
“It is good to see you anyway,” he said, setting his cup down and standing up. He went over to her and she hugged him quickly. “Can you stay for a cup of tea?”
She shook her head. “Not right now, but in two hours or so I can. I have news for General Yamamoto from Kisuke. Is that okay?”
He nodded. “I’ll be eating dinner then, but yes, that’s fine.”
“If you don’t mind company, I’ll gladly share a meal with you,” she said, looking at him expectantly.
“I’ll just have to tell Shunsui that he has to eat by himself tonight,” he said with a laugh.
“Good!” she said with a wide warm smile. “I’ll see you in two hours, then.”
“All right then.” She gave him a small wave and left again, and as he went back to his seat he realized how much he was looking forward to spending some time with his old friend.
--
”You have such pretty hair.”
“Why don’t you grow yours out?” he asks.
She leans her head back and laughs, a deep, rich, throaty laugh. He loves hearing her laugh. It’s not polite and subdued like Retsu’s, and it makes him smile every time she does it. “If I had long hair it could be used against me in a fight. It’s just not a good idea.”
“Well, I think it would look good on you.”
She turns to look at him, a big smile on her face. “Maybe one day.”
Today they were relaxing outside. She had come with more news, briefing the captains about the Arrancar threat. Yamamoto was planning on sending some members of the Gotei 13 to the world of the living, Rukia among him. He had just gotten used to having one of his favorite squad members back, but she had Ichigo’s trust, so she should go. But today, his mind was not on work. His mind was on a lovely conversation with Yoruichi in the hour or so it would be before they would all depart.
Her hair was down. He had been staring at it off and on for the last ten minutes. He had thought he was doing it unnoticed when she suddenly stopped. “Go ahead and touch it.”
His eyes widened a bit. “What?”
“You’ve been staring at my hair. Go ahead. Touch it,” she said with a grin, taking a step closer to him.
He reached over and let a few strands flow across his fingers. “It’s soft. Silky,” he said.
“I like it long, but it’s still a pain sometimes. Thankfully no one gets the chance to grab it when I’m fighting because I’m just that fast.”
He looked at her, a smile on his face. “You’re quite the modest person.”
“Well…you know it’s the truth.”
“I do,” he said with a nod.
“Byakuya still hates that I'm faster than him,” she said, taking a step back so they could continue walking.
“He hates it when anyone is better than him,” Ukitake said with a chuckle. Then he sobered slightly. “I wish you would come just because, not because you bring bad news.”
“I know,” she said. “Perhaps next time.”
“Perhaps.”
-
Do you fear death?” she asks, turning her head to look at him. She's lying on the ground on her back, head on a pillow, and he's sitting up, knees hugged to his chest.
“No, not really,” he says, tilting his head slightly.
“You're going to die sooner than the rest of us because you're sick,” she said.
“I'm still going to live my life to the fullest, Yoruichi,” he says with a smile. “You should do the same.”
She thinks on this for a moment, then smiles brightly. “Yeah, you're probably right.” Then she's sitting up, excitement gleaming in her eyes. “Come on! Let's go get something cool to drink. Like sake.”
“It's early afternoon.”
“Live in the moment, Jushiro!”
This time, the mood is not a bright one. She was not his first visitor, mostly because she was not there when he awoke. He had already been given the bad news, that no one has any clue how much damage was really done when Wonderweiss plunged his hand into his chest. He feels weaker, but the need to live every day to its fullest spurs him on.
But news that he may still have a bright and happy and long future doesn't even register with his visitor today. She'd come in while he was sleeping, and talked him out of a fitful rest. And now he's told her Captain Unohana's news, and she's not taking it well.
“You shouldn't have been there,” she said quietly. “You could have stayed behind and done something else.”
“Then I wouldn't have been doing my duty,” he said gently. She wasn't taking it nearly as hard as his lieutenants had, so that's something. “You understand duty.”
“I ran away from mine,” she said, looking directly at him.
“You could have stayed away from the fighting, Yoruichi.” She made a scoffing noise, and he smiled. “See? Sense of duty.”
“Yes, but...how much time do you have left?” she asked.
He shrugged slightly. “I probably should have died long ago, but I didn't. I can say that I have never felt as though I've been living off borrowed time, though. So I will simply continue to live as though I could die tomorrow.”
“But you could die tomorrow,” she said.
“And I could have died at the fake Karakura Town,” he said. “Yoruichi...this is the life I've chosen. To live every day to its fullest. So please, don't argue with me about how long I have left. Just promise to spend more time with me. I would hate to die missing you.”
She looked at him intently and then nodded. “All right.”
“Good,” he said with a smile, taking his hand in hers. “Now, what else do you want to talk about?”
“Old times?” she suggested, squeezing his hand gently.
“Old times it is,” he said, squeezing back.
-
Do you love anyone?”
The question comes out of his mouth before he thinks, and she looks just as surprised as he thinks he looks. The she tilts her head and squints, then shakes it slightly. “I love people, but I'm not in love with anyone.”
“Not even Urahara-san?”
She laughs so hard she doubles over. “Ki...Kisuke? No! No, not at all. I care for him deeply, but I'm not in love with him.” She smiles, her eyes sparkling. “Are you in love with anyone?”
“Yes,” he says with a nod.
“Really? Who?”
“I can't say.”
“You can tell me,” she says, coming up next to him.
“Maybe later.”
She pouts slightly. “Fine. But I will find out, I promise you that.”
He only smiles, and steers the conversation to something else. She doesn't even notice the faint blush on his cheeks or the fact he can't keep her gaze. In the end, he's most thankful for that.
There is a knock at his door. It is late at night, and he's tired, but he gets up to answer it anyway. He had expected to see her. She had spent more time in Soul Society, now that Aizen had been defeated and Ichigo had been depowered. He's come to accept that he might really have her in his life again.
“I'm not coming back,” she says quietly, not looking at him.
His eyes widen and fear grips his heart. “Why?”
“There's a threat looming. I know it. I need to prepare to face it, to train those with power in the world of the living. And if I go away too long...I don't want to hurt you again, Jushiro. So it's best if I go now and stay away.”
“No.”
“What?” she says, looking up. “No, it is for the best.”
“No, it is not,” he says forcefully. Not angrily, just with enough force that she comprehends he's passionate about this. “I don't want you to leave again. I want you to stay. Or at the very least, this time I want to go with you.”
“But you have duties here,” she said, slightly confused.
“You disappeared for a hundred years. And then you came back. Please don't disappear for a hundred more.” He took her hands and held them in his own. “The morning you left, I wanted to tell you something. I wanted to tell you I loved you.”
She stares at him, her eyes widened with shock. “Jushiro...I...”
“I had fallen in love with you, and I didn't have the courage to tell you. And I thought I had lost my only chance. I wanted to tell you now, so that at least if you decide you truly have to leave again that you would at least know.”
She shook her head for a moment, and then pulled her hands away and dashed the back of her hand across her eyes. “You should have told me earlier,” she said quietly.
“I know. It is my fault for not being brave enough.”
“I...I have to go.”
He looked down. “I understand.”
He felt a hand caress his cheek, and he looked up. “I will...I will try and come back, though. When this business is finished. And then we can talk.”
He nodded slowly. “All right.”
She pulled her hand away, and then, unsure of what to do next, she turned around and walked away, leaving him alone again. At least this time, she knew. He could only hope it was enough to bring her back one more time.
-
”I can beat anyone!” she says triumphantly, helping him up from the ground.
“I'm sick. And I wasn't even trying,” he says, coughing slightly before dusting himself off. “And besides, you know what happens to people who boast too much. Their end is brought about swiftly by their own pride.”
“I know, I know,” she says with a sigh. “All right. Maybe I'm not invincible. But I'm still good.”
He chuckles. “Yes, you're still good.”
He received the news with a sober heart, and did not intend to stay sober for long. He should not have been surprised. Some fighters were good, and Yoruichi was one of the best. But even the best could not survive forever.
She was in critical condition, and Urahara had risked everything to bring her back to Soul Society to get her healed. Captain Unohana had done most of the work herself, and when he saw his old friend tired and spent as she walked outside of the room, he knew it was not a good sign. She clasped him on the shoulder, squeezed gently, and moved to allow him inside.
He went to the chair beside her bed and sat, holding her hand gently. Every bone in her body had been broken, some simple breaks, some not. The only thing that hadn't been was her skull, which was the only reason she had survived as long as she had. Urahara's knowledge of kidou was extensive, and he had performed ever healing kidou he knew, according to the message he had received.
Attached had been a note from Urahara. He had simply asked for him to take care of her. And he intended to do that, to take care of the woman he loved for as long as she lived, whether it was another hour, another year, or another hundred years. He took his other hand and stroked her hair back.
“Yoruichi. I hope you can hear me. I am here for you, for however long you have left in this world. I will not leave you, other than to do my duties. Urahara-san has asked me to take care of you, and I will. So please, for both of us...pull through.” He shut his eyes. “I need you still, Yoruichi. As I have for the past hundred years. I don't want to lose you again.”
He got no response, and with a sigh, he began his vigil.
-
Thoughts and memories drifted and clouded together in her mind as she clawed her way up from the depths, knowing that she needed to wake up. She knows, and she's trying, but it's hard. Every instinct says to stay asleep, that if she wakes up she'll be in more pain than anything she's ever known, but something is forcing her to wake up.
She blinks once, twice, and then turns her head slightly. It takes every ounce of willpower not to scream in agony. But she sees long strands of white hair splayed out on top of her hand, and see the top of Ukitake's head. “Ju...Jushiro,” she said quietly.
“Yes?” he mumbles. He must have been dozing. He must not have realized she awoke.
“I will not leave you again,” she said in a slightly louder voice.
She felt him squeeze her hand, and she relaxed, slipping back into sleep. But before she succumbs completely, she hears one word: “Good.” And she knows that when she wakes up again next time, perhaps they will talk. For now, she follows her body's natural instinct to heal, and slips back into unconsciousness.