We Were Born To Lose
Title: We Were Born To Lose
Author: Ragna (afteriwake)
Pairing: Ichigo-centric, mentions of Rukia and the Fullbringers
Rating: PG
Spoilers (if applicable): Spoilers for the current arc.
Warnings (if applicable): None
Summary: From the first time to the last, he was losing more than just power.
Authors Notes: Written for round one of bleachfic. The prompt was "We’ll never stand a chance, we’ll break before the day."
---
As she slowly faded away, when the last whips of her presence was gone, he broke. It was as though this thing that had been so much a part of him was gone, and while he should have felt relieved he didn’t. He knew the things were still out there, the Hollows and Arrancar and maybe even more rogue shinigami like Aizen, but he wouldn’t be able to see them. If they attacked him he wouldn’t know it until it was too late.
It was a slow healing process, almost like having every bone in his body broken and him having to stay in a full body cast. He wasn’t sure if it was actually like that; no matter how badly he’d gotten hurt he was always able to bounce back, but it was what he imagined. There was this period where you couldn’t do anything like you could before, and as your body slowly healed you found you were able to do small things again: raise a hand, lift your head up. Then more time would pass and you would be able to use that hand and wave, bob your head up and down in a nod. By the time you were able to sit up again, be halfway normal, your life had taken on a new direction. But sometimes…sometimes you wanted the old you back, no limitations.
And so that’s where he was when Ginjou recruited him. He had never stopped thinking about his old life. He’d just managed to stuff the craving for it to the back of his mind, bury it in a deep dark corner and pile all the normal things he had to do on top of it. But with the offer…it was tempting, it was so very tempting. And then he really thought about it. Would he be more useful with his powers back? Or new powers? Or both? Was he useless now? Would his friends want him to get his powers back? Would his family? Was he a better friend, a better brother, now that he was powerless?
The deep dark place in his mind shouted no, over and over until it echoed in every last corner of his brain, till there was no escape from it and he knew that he needed them back. So with an acceptance and a lot of hard work, he trained. He got stronger, first by fighting the yakuza stuffed in the pig, then Jackie and her Fullbring, then Ginjou and his. And he pulled strength from his friends; Orihime had said she and Chad had trained to get stronger, and it showed in them. They had gotten strength, and he would draw his strength from them.
And then, suddenly, it was all gone. His friends had turned on him, his family was siding with his enemy…and there was nothing he could do about it. Tsukishima had wormed his way into the very fabric of his life, and had turned those closest to him, and those who’d trained him, and now it was just him and Ginjou. And so he watched in horror as Ginjou got slashed and fell over the roof side. Now it was just him. All alone, with everyone brainwashed and crazy. All alone…
Then Ginjou was back, but it wasn’t the same Ginjou. He was twisted, evil…and that was the real him. Everything, everything he knew was a lie, or was twisted, or was just not right. And so he just gave up. If this was his fate, so be it. He felt his power get sucked out, and he sunk down, violently hoping Ginjou would take mercy on him and end his life, too. Perhaps that was what his quest for power would cost him: more than he had ever wanted to give up in the first place, and everything he held down. That was the cost of power, and he had paid it sorrowfully.
Author: Ragna (afteriwake)
Pairing: Ichigo-centric, mentions of Rukia and the Fullbringers
Rating: PG
Spoilers (if applicable): Spoilers for the current arc.
Warnings (if applicable): None
Summary: From the first time to the last, he was losing more than just power.
Authors Notes: Written for round one of bleachfic. The prompt was "We’ll never stand a chance, we’ll break before the day."
---
As she slowly faded away, when the last whips of her presence was gone, he broke. It was as though this thing that had been so much a part of him was gone, and while he should have felt relieved he didn’t. He knew the things were still out there, the Hollows and Arrancar and maybe even more rogue shinigami like Aizen, but he wouldn’t be able to see them. If they attacked him he wouldn’t know it until it was too late.
It was a slow healing process, almost like having every bone in his body broken and him having to stay in a full body cast. He wasn’t sure if it was actually like that; no matter how badly he’d gotten hurt he was always able to bounce back, but it was what he imagined. There was this period where you couldn’t do anything like you could before, and as your body slowly healed you found you were able to do small things again: raise a hand, lift your head up. Then more time would pass and you would be able to use that hand and wave, bob your head up and down in a nod. By the time you were able to sit up again, be halfway normal, your life had taken on a new direction. But sometimes…sometimes you wanted the old you back, no limitations.
And so that’s where he was when Ginjou recruited him. He had never stopped thinking about his old life. He’d just managed to stuff the craving for it to the back of his mind, bury it in a deep dark corner and pile all the normal things he had to do on top of it. But with the offer…it was tempting, it was so very tempting. And then he really thought about it. Would he be more useful with his powers back? Or new powers? Or both? Was he useless now? Would his friends want him to get his powers back? Would his family? Was he a better friend, a better brother, now that he was powerless?
The deep dark place in his mind shouted no, over and over until it echoed in every last corner of his brain, till there was no escape from it and he knew that he needed them back. So with an acceptance and a lot of hard work, he trained. He got stronger, first by fighting the yakuza stuffed in the pig, then Jackie and her Fullbring, then Ginjou and his. And he pulled strength from his friends; Orihime had said she and Chad had trained to get stronger, and it showed in them. They had gotten strength, and he would draw his strength from them.
And then, suddenly, it was all gone. His friends had turned on him, his family was siding with his enemy…and there was nothing he could do about it. Tsukishima had wormed his way into the very fabric of his life, and had turned those closest to him, and those who’d trained him, and now it was just him and Ginjou. And so he watched in horror as Ginjou got slashed and fell over the roof side. Now it was just him. All alone, with everyone brainwashed and crazy. All alone…
Then Ginjou was back, but it wasn’t the same Ginjou. He was twisted, evil…and that was the real him. Everything, everything he knew was a lie, or was twisted, or was just not right. And so he just gave up. If this was his fate, so be it. He felt his power get sucked out, and he sunk down, violently hoping Ginjou would take mercy on him and end his life, too. Perhaps that was what his quest for power would cost him: more than he had ever wanted to give up in the first place, and everything he held down. That was the cost of power, and he had paid it sorrowfully.