A Lifetime Before Now (1/3)
Title: A Lifetime Before Now
Author: Ragna (afteriwake)
Pairing: Matsumoto-centric, leans heavily to the Gin/Matsumoto side, mentions of Hisagi/Matsumoto
Rating: PG
Spoilers (if applicable): Went AU during the Deicide arc, where Gin did not die when Ichigo arrived in Karakura Town.
Warnings (if applicable): None
Summary: Eight hundred years was a long time, but she had waited.
Authors Notes: I know I have more fics to write for help_japan and azardarkstar, but I mentioned the idea of a sequel and everyone seemed to like it so I'm taking some time off to write this. I don't know when the next part will be out, only because I have two essays and 15 essay questions to do before next week, but I promise I will finish this before I work on the other fics so as to not leave it hanging.
---
When Lieutenant Kotetsu had delivered the letter to her those many years ago, her first thought was that while she recognized the flow of words, the style of the sentences, it was not in his handwriting, and it saddened her. She had cried the entire time she read it, taking in the weight of what he had done, all for her. It was a heavy burden, but not nearly as heavy as it must have been for him. She had always wondered if Lieutenant Kotetsu had had any idea what she had written down, of what it all truly meant.
When he was released into the world of the living, her Captain took pity on her and allowed her one day a month to go to the communications center and watch where he was. She watched him move from Karakura Town to Nagasaki to Osaka to Tokyo, watched him age so very, very slowly. She burned the image of his gigai into her mind, and after time it blurred with her memories of him. Instead of closed eyes and white hair he had wild black hair and brilliant green eyes.
And then he disappeared. There was no trace of him, and though everyone had speculated different reasons for it no one knew the truth, not even her. Her day at the communication center dwindled down from twelve hours to six to four to two to a half hour to a few minutes as time went on. The longer she stayed the more miserable she would feel afterwards, for there was still no sign of him. After a hundred years of him being gone, she simply stopped going. It was easier that way.
She didn't move on, though. This didn't stop her from having relationships, or at the very least physical companionship. For a while Hisagi was satisfied with that, but when he wanted more she withdrew from him. There was a barrier around her heart, and no matter the intent no one and nothing could break it down. She moved on to other lovers, and while they had her body, and she may have cared for them, none of them ever had her heart.
In fact, it cost her dearly. As those around her were in fulfilling relationships, getting married and having children, she was alone. She had always taken careful measures not to get pregnant, and as she watched her friends have the life she had once wanted when her partying ways were over the loneliness hurt even more. Of all people it was Hisagi who had the solution. She may have pushed him away from a physical relationship but he never intended to forgo a friendship with her, and when he broached his idea for the first time in three hundred years she felt hope.
He knew of a woman with a young son, no more than three years old, who needed food the woman could not provide. She wanted the child to be well taken care of and had asked Hisagi for help, but he and his wife did not want children at that point, so he had told Matsumoto that maybe she should adopt the little boy. When she saw his white hair and green eyes, she knew this child was meant for her to take care of. His name was Kazuki, which meant “harmonious hope,” and after promising the woman that he would be raised with love she took him home with her and she cared for him.
For the first time in such a long time she felt something chip away at her heart, break down that wall she had barricaded around it. The child had a laugh that reminded her of Gin so much. And his mannerisms...he had the same smile Gin had had as a child, and while his eyes were always wide and open and taking everything in he still had the head tilt, the style of speaking. If she thought hard enough, she could imagine this boy might be his.
But she raised him alone, not letting any other man into her life. Her Captain, bless him, became a mentor to her son, training him in the things he would need to know when he was old enough to enter the academy. Kazuki regarded Hitsugaya as the brother he'd never had, and Matsumoto noticed that the role fit him well, kept his mind off the dark places it had gone off to for so long thanks to the aftermath of the Winter War. Between her son and her Captain she had the chance to watch two young men blossom, and it filled her with pride.
She never forgot Gin, not completely, not as long as Kazuki was there, but the ache in her heart of his absence eased. When the ache got strong, she would simply go to her chest where she held all her treasured items, pull out the letter and the few things of his she had kept over the years, and remember the good times, the times before they joined the Gotei 13. But she noticed as more time went by, the memories faded and blurred until she could no longer remember them clearly.
Eight hundred years had passed from the day he left when a solemn Hitsugaya entered their office and asked her to sit on the couch. Her Captain had long ago become a man, and he now had a family of his own, he and Hinamori. But in this instance, she was reminded of the younger Captain, the one who was short-tempered and grumpy but still much beloved by her.
“He's come back,” he said quietly. “He's in Karakura Town.”
“Gin?” she asked, her eyes widening and her hand flying to her mouth.
He nodded. “His gigai only has days left, according to Captain Kurotsuchi. She said two, maybe three. Her father had designed it to last around eight hundred years, so that when he died he would appear one-hundred. Anything else would have been suspicious. They wanted to send someone from another division to collect him but I insisted it be you.” He looked gravely at her. “You've waited for eight hundred years. It's time for you to see him again.”
She stood quickly and bowed deeply. Long ago had she started practicing modesty, around the time she became a mother. One of the benefits was that she could bow without her breasts threatening to spill. When she stood up she tucked the hair that had escaped from her bun back behind her ear. “What will I say, Captain? Will he even be able to see me?”
Hitsugaya looked at her intently. “I believe you will know what to say when you see him. You will leave tonight and arrive tomorrow morning. Kazuki is already in Karakura Town, patrolling. It might do for you to introduce him to the man you have loved for such a long time.”
She bowed again, though not as deeply this time. “Thank you, Captain.”
“Matsumoto?” he said quietly. “He will not be allowed back in Seirieiti. He will not be allowed to be a shinigami again.”
“I had thought so,” she said sadly.
“Momo and I were talking, and we would...well...,” he said, looking down. “I have not completely forgiven him for his role in the Winter War, but based on the reports from his last few days in Karakura Town, he seems to have changed. For the time being, he may stay at our childhood home until other arrangements can be made.”
“Thank you, Toshiro,” she said, bowing again. Very rarely did she call him by his first name, but it seemed appropriate just then. “I am very grateful.”
He waved his hand slightly, but that was because she knew he was embarrassed. She stood up again and left the office. She was shaking slightly, and she put her back to the wall and took some deep breaths. She was going to see him again. He was going to see her. He was going to come back. And...she didn't know what to say. She wasn't sure she'd know what to say, not even when she was looking at him. She just hoped she could find the words to express everything that had happened over the last eight hundred years.
Author: Ragna (afteriwake)
Pairing: Matsumoto-centric, leans heavily to the Gin/Matsumoto side, mentions of Hisagi/Matsumoto
Rating: PG
Spoilers (if applicable): Went AU during the Deicide arc, where Gin did not die when Ichigo arrived in Karakura Town.
Warnings (if applicable): None
Summary: Eight hundred years was a long time, but she had waited.
Authors Notes: I know I have more fics to write for help_japan and azardarkstar, but I mentioned the idea of a sequel and everyone seemed to like it so I'm taking some time off to write this. I don't know when the next part will be out, only because I have two essays and 15 essay questions to do before next week, but I promise I will finish this before I work on the other fics so as to not leave it hanging.
---
When Lieutenant Kotetsu had delivered the letter to her those many years ago, her first thought was that while she recognized the flow of words, the style of the sentences, it was not in his handwriting, and it saddened her. She had cried the entire time she read it, taking in the weight of what he had done, all for her. It was a heavy burden, but not nearly as heavy as it must have been for him. She had always wondered if Lieutenant Kotetsu had had any idea what she had written down, of what it all truly meant.
When he was released into the world of the living, her Captain took pity on her and allowed her one day a month to go to the communications center and watch where he was. She watched him move from Karakura Town to Nagasaki to Osaka to Tokyo, watched him age so very, very slowly. She burned the image of his gigai into her mind, and after time it blurred with her memories of him. Instead of closed eyes and white hair he had wild black hair and brilliant green eyes.
And then he disappeared. There was no trace of him, and though everyone had speculated different reasons for it no one knew the truth, not even her. Her day at the communication center dwindled down from twelve hours to six to four to two to a half hour to a few minutes as time went on. The longer she stayed the more miserable she would feel afterwards, for there was still no sign of him. After a hundred years of him being gone, she simply stopped going. It was easier that way.
She didn't move on, though. This didn't stop her from having relationships, or at the very least physical companionship. For a while Hisagi was satisfied with that, but when he wanted more she withdrew from him. There was a barrier around her heart, and no matter the intent no one and nothing could break it down. She moved on to other lovers, and while they had her body, and she may have cared for them, none of them ever had her heart.
In fact, it cost her dearly. As those around her were in fulfilling relationships, getting married and having children, she was alone. She had always taken careful measures not to get pregnant, and as she watched her friends have the life she had once wanted when her partying ways were over the loneliness hurt even more. Of all people it was Hisagi who had the solution. She may have pushed him away from a physical relationship but he never intended to forgo a friendship with her, and when he broached his idea for the first time in three hundred years she felt hope.
He knew of a woman with a young son, no more than three years old, who needed food the woman could not provide. She wanted the child to be well taken care of and had asked Hisagi for help, but he and his wife did not want children at that point, so he had told Matsumoto that maybe she should adopt the little boy. When she saw his white hair and green eyes, she knew this child was meant for her to take care of. His name was Kazuki, which meant “harmonious hope,” and after promising the woman that he would be raised with love she took him home with her and she cared for him.
For the first time in such a long time she felt something chip away at her heart, break down that wall she had barricaded around it. The child had a laugh that reminded her of Gin so much. And his mannerisms...he had the same smile Gin had had as a child, and while his eyes were always wide and open and taking everything in he still had the head tilt, the style of speaking. If she thought hard enough, she could imagine this boy might be his.
But she raised him alone, not letting any other man into her life. Her Captain, bless him, became a mentor to her son, training him in the things he would need to know when he was old enough to enter the academy. Kazuki regarded Hitsugaya as the brother he'd never had, and Matsumoto noticed that the role fit him well, kept his mind off the dark places it had gone off to for so long thanks to the aftermath of the Winter War. Between her son and her Captain she had the chance to watch two young men blossom, and it filled her with pride.
She never forgot Gin, not completely, not as long as Kazuki was there, but the ache in her heart of his absence eased. When the ache got strong, she would simply go to her chest where she held all her treasured items, pull out the letter and the few things of his she had kept over the years, and remember the good times, the times before they joined the Gotei 13. But she noticed as more time went by, the memories faded and blurred until she could no longer remember them clearly.
Eight hundred years had passed from the day he left when a solemn Hitsugaya entered their office and asked her to sit on the couch. Her Captain had long ago become a man, and he now had a family of his own, he and Hinamori. But in this instance, she was reminded of the younger Captain, the one who was short-tempered and grumpy but still much beloved by her.
“He's come back,” he said quietly. “He's in Karakura Town.”
“Gin?” she asked, her eyes widening and her hand flying to her mouth.
He nodded. “His gigai only has days left, according to Captain Kurotsuchi. She said two, maybe three. Her father had designed it to last around eight hundred years, so that when he died he would appear one-hundred. Anything else would have been suspicious. They wanted to send someone from another division to collect him but I insisted it be you.” He looked gravely at her. “You've waited for eight hundred years. It's time for you to see him again.”
She stood quickly and bowed deeply. Long ago had she started practicing modesty, around the time she became a mother. One of the benefits was that she could bow without her breasts threatening to spill. When she stood up she tucked the hair that had escaped from her bun back behind her ear. “What will I say, Captain? Will he even be able to see me?”
Hitsugaya looked at her intently. “I believe you will know what to say when you see him. You will leave tonight and arrive tomorrow morning. Kazuki is already in Karakura Town, patrolling. It might do for you to introduce him to the man you have loved for such a long time.”
She bowed again, though not as deeply this time. “Thank you, Captain.”
“Matsumoto?” he said quietly. “He will not be allowed back in Seirieiti. He will not be allowed to be a shinigami again.”
“I had thought so,” she said sadly.
“Momo and I were talking, and we would...well...,” he said, looking down. “I have not completely forgiven him for his role in the Winter War, but based on the reports from his last few days in Karakura Town, he seems to have changed. For the time being, he may stay at our childhood home until other arrangements can be made.”
“Thank you, Toshiro,” she said, bowing again. Very rarely did she call him by his first name, but it seemed appropriate just then. “I am very grateful.”
He waved his hand slightly, but that was because she knew he was embarrassed. She stood up again and left the office. She was shaking slightly, and she put her back to the wall and took some deep breaths. She was going to see him again. He was going to see her. He was going to come back. And...she didn't know what to say. She wasn't sure she'd know what to say, not even when she was looking at him. She just hoped she could find the words to express everything that had happened over the last eight hundred years.