More awkward than anything, omg.
Title: Paradise by the Dashboard Light.
Characters/Pairings: Sarah/Edmund. Original secretskept_rpg characters.
Rating: R
Warnings: It has a sad ending. :\
Summary: Edmund and Sarah's first time and the tragic reality of their relationship. (if you want to know what happens AFTER, read secretskept_rpg!
Disclaimer: Do Not Own. Should it come to this, this is AU and all characters involved in sexual relations in this story are 18 or older.
It had been forever since they’d properly gone out together.
Sarah was still at Salem and Edmund was working overtime almost every night at the coffee shop. …their coffee shop. But she hadn’t been able to go there since… oh, she had lost track, really. And even if she had the time… he was always working, and they really couldn’t spend any time together. Although the coffee was always therapeutic, it wasn’t the same.
And finally they had this together. He’d set it all up without her knowing, only to surprise her. It was one of the best nights of her life, hands down. For anyone else, it would have seemed cold, dark, and lonely, marking and ending of things with the start of winter… but she had Edmund.
And he’d taken her out to a wonderful dinner at one of the fancier places uptown, too, only to surprise her once again with two tickets to the Muggle movies, to see Shakespeare in Love, a movie he’d known she’d wanted to see.
He hadn’t even spilled his water more than twice, and she’d only tripped and broken her heel once, making it one of the most disaster-free dates they’d ever gone on. The whole night… had been perfect.
And now that they were sitting here, on the little grassy ledge by the lake, their legs dangling off the sides, his coat on her shoulders because he was afraid she might get cold (it was December after all), deciding to let himself shiver instead, his arm awkwardly wrapped around her as they stared out over the lake and at the moon and the beauty of it all… Sarah couldn’t have thought of a more perfect moment, or a more perfect person to share the moment with.
She closed her eyes and smiled, before Edmund interrupted her train of thought, “You’re not tired already, are you? I was hoping we could stay out here for a while, you know…”
When she looked over at him, he was staring at his legs, or the ground, or whatever, biting his lip like his life depended on it, before meeting her gaze.
It seemed to take him an eternity to say what he said next, but finally the words seemed to leave his lips, and Sarah could hardly believe what he had said.
“I love you, you know.”
If she could wrap her head around what he had just said, then maybe, maybe she could answer him properly. For a second she just stared at the lake, before replying, “I know,” and smiling back at him.
He smiled, too, then, and took her hand with his free one. “You know, I don’t think I could love a girl that didn’t like Star Wars, but you go even beyond that. And I mean, I can’t even begin to explain-”
“Edmund, you’re babbling,” she interrupted him, smiling back. She knew what that meant. “I love you, too,” she said, before taking the nervousness away from him by just leaning in a little bit, and before she knew it, he’d closed the gap between the two of them, their lips touching just that tiny bit, reminding her of their first kiss… well, their first real kiss, anyway - she could have sworn that the first attempt was less of a kiss and more of an accident; he’d tripped, stumbled, and practically fallen onto her lips instead - and instinctually she leaned in a little closer, helping him along.
It was always like this. So incredibly innocent and soft and sweet… just like Edmund. She always had to give permission, so to speak, but that was okay. It said tremendous amounts about his character.
And yet, she could have sworn there was something else, something unspoken in the air about Edmund tonight. If she were quite honest with herself… she would admit that something about it was less reluctant and more… well, she couldn’t really put her finger on it, but it made her heart race even more than it had before.
It had just been a soft, small kiss, conveying more emotion within it than anything else would have, and when he pulled away, resting his forehead on hers and staring into her eyes, hand softly cupping her cheek, she couldn’t help but sigh. “You make me so happy, Edmund. I know things have been really busy and hectic for both of us lately, but… just the thought of getting to see you again for evenings like this is enough for me to make up for it all.”
His gaze flickered to the ground for a second, thinking. “Sarah, do you think maybe… maybe we could…”
“Maybe we could what, Edmund?”
“I, er. I couldn’t think of a single person I’d rather do this with Sarah. I love you, and… this evening was just… the most perfect thing I could have imagined, and, well…”
Sarah bit her lip. “Edmund, you know… things happen. Things can go wrong. What if… what if something happens? I love you, but… Edmund, something like that is a huge commitment. Are we… are we going to get married? I mean…”
She could tell she had clearly done something to change the air of the situation, and now there was this tension, and she wasn’t sure about any of this at all. “Edmund?” she tried when he didn’t respond for a bit.
“Um. Sarah, this is huge. I. I guess… yeah, sure, but let me think about this more and then I’ll tell you tomorrow, okay?”
This was Edmund they were talking about. The love of her life; the only boy who had ever found her inane clumsiness endearing…
And if she wasn’t lying to herself, she would admit that she wanted it, too. There was… this never-ending curiosity. And, of course, there was the fact that Edmund was reliable. She could trust him. She would trust him with her life.
Nodding very slowly, she turned to him. “Okay. I, erm. I’ve never done this before,” she said, suddenly feeling very small.
He just shook his head. “I haven’t either, Sarah. I just know I want to do this with you. Um. But maybe we shouldn’t, er, do this… out here. I guess. The car.”
It was awkward, because both of them knew exactly what was happening, what was going to happen, and how unnatural it felt not only to be doing something like this, but to be so acutely aware of it at the same time…it was maddening, making every detail seem bigger than it was. And for two people that were this dorky and accident-prone…
And to think this was only them getting into the backseat of the car and her taking her shoes and socks off.
“Edmund, are you sure about this?” Sarah asked just as she was pulling off her pants, her breath hitching in her throat. Why did removing pants seem awkward? Why did she feel so watched? Like Edmund was scrutinizing her every move to see what she was doing was unsexy or sexy or… this was ridiculous. Feeling this notion eat up at her with everything she did, moved, removed, she felt bare even before she was. “Edmund…?” she asked, hesitancy clear in her voice.
Any doubt in herself she might have felt before suddenly all dissipated when Edmund, clad only in boxers, in all of his awkward glory, leaned over, tilter her chin up, whispered “you’re so beautiful… I love you so much,” against her lips, and kissed her, his hand cupping her face on second, fingers threading into hair the next.
His kissing became harder and more forceful, and Sarah could feel not only her tension ebb away at how take-charge he was being about all this, but also a new feeling emerge… it pooled in the very pit of her stomach, and made her wonder if there had even been any reason to be reluctant.
All of a sudden, she wanted this, too, and not just because this was Edmund, but because this was sex with Edmund.
She kissed him back with equal fervor, and by the time his tongue found it’s way not only into her mouth, but along her collarbone and down her neck, lightly sucking on that little bundle of nerves in the crook of her neck, Sarah was wearing significantly less and was feeling much better than she had been before.
Now only clad in underwear, the pair’s kissing had become a bit more frantic, hands fumbling up and down, here and there, wherever it didn’t seem or feel too awkward to place or touch. Occasionally he’d ask her if he’d hurt her, and she’d say no every time, and sometimes he asked permission to touch her on her breasts or even other places. A new fascination had taken in… fascination with each other’s bodies that neither of them had really understood or seen until just then.
When he began fumbling with his boxers, and then with her panties, Sarah braced herself for the worst. “I guess I should have brought a towel,” he muttered, staring at the backseat of his car.
“Towel?”
“You might bleed, I… urgh.” And he wanted to be a gynecologist. Sure. “Um. It doesn’t matter.” He looked at her for a second before positioning himself properly (or so they hoped). “I love you,” he said one more time, as if it was justification of his actions, but he sounded more apologetic about it than anything else, and Sarah just swallowed and closed her eyes.
The pain was like nothing she had ever felt, but he had gone quickly, and it could have been worse, right? She could be giving birth. That would be a lot worse.
“Did I hurt you? Are you all right?” Edmund asked, his face riddled with worry.
“Er. Yes. Yes. I mean. Yes to that, too. It’s okay. You can… move, I guess.”
He bit his lip whenever he concentrated on something very intensely, and, now that they had finally achieved a sort of awkward rhythm in which to move, Edmund’s concentration was on keeping said awkward rhythm.
“Edmund, you’re not being tested on this!” Sarah said, “You don’t have to concentrate that much!” when he didn’t really respond, she added, “Edmund, look at me.”
He stopped moving and just looked at her for a moment, and she pulled him down close enough for her to kiss him, before whispering against his lips, “now keep moving,” and she could have sworn he almost understood what she meant and things became better from here on out.
He only lost his glasses once in the manic back-and-forth, and the eye contact they managed to maintain was almost constant.
There was fumbling and noises of all sorts, and then things became faster and even more frantic, and she knew that he was close. She wasn’t - it was to be expected, of course - but she was happy anyway, and the feeling when he came inside of her…
“I love you,” he’d whispered into her hair about ten minutes later, and somehow they’d managed to make it back to her place and into her bed to spend the rest of the night, but her memory by now was really swimmy on that.
It wasn’t until the evening of the next day that she really remembered anything that had happened. Up until everything had been wonderful and fantastic, until he’d decided to break the news to her.
They were standing out in front of her door, and Edmund hadn’t been able to stop staring at the floor and look her in the eyes the whole evening. “I got in,” he said finally, and Sarah was afraid to draw conclusions from what that could possibly mean before assuming the worst, or hoping for the best.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m going to St. Mungo’s to study. I’m… I’m moving to London, Sarah. I’m really sorry.”
The slap had been all she’d been able to deliver that day, right before running inside the house and refusing to let him come back in. Door-slamming came by the second day. Tears didn’t really hit her until the third, and they didn’t really stop from then on, either.
Characters/Pairings: Sarah/Edmund. Original secretskept_rpg characters.
Rating: R
Warnings: It has a sad ending. :\
Summary: Edmund and Sarah's first time and the tragic reality of their relationship. (if you want to know what happens AFTER, read secretskept_rpg!
Disclaimer: Do Not Own. Should it come to this, this is AU and all characters involved in sexual relations in this story are 18 or older.
It had been forever since they’d properly gone out together.
Sarah was still at Salem and Edmund was working overtime almost every night at the coffee shop. …their coffee shop. But she hadn’t been able to go there since… oh, she had lost track, really. And even if she had the time… he was always working, and they really couldn’t spend any time together. Although the coffee was always therapeutic, it wasn’t the same.
And finally they had this together. He’d set it all up without her knowing, only to surprise her. It was one of the best nights of her life, hands down. For anyone else, it would have seemed cold, dark, and lonely, marking and ending of things with the start of winter… but she had Edmund.
And he’d taken her out to a wonderful dinner at one of the fancier places uptown, too, only to surprise her once again with two tickets to the Muggle movies, to see Shakespeare in Love, a movie he’d known she’d wanted to see.
He hadn’t even spilled his water more than twice, and she’d only tripped and broken her heel once, making it one of the most disaster-free dates they’d ever gone on. The whole night… had been perfect.
And now that they were sitting here, on the little grassy ledge by the lake, their legs dangling off the sides, his coat on her shoulders because he was afraid she might get cold (it was December after all), deciding to let himself shiver instead, his arm awkwardly wrapped around her as they stared out over the lake and at the moon and the beauty of it all… Sarah couldn’t have thought of a more perfect moment, or a more perfect person to share the moment with.
She closed her eyes and smiled, before Edmund interrupted her train of thought, “You’re not tired already, are you? I was hoping we could stay out here for a while, you know…”
When she looked over at him, he was staring at his legs, or the ground, or whatever, biting his lip like his life depended on it, before meeting her gaze.
It seemed to take him an eternity to say what he said next, but finally the words seemed to leave his lips, and Sarah could hardly believe what he had said.
“I love you, you know.”
If she could wrap her head around what he had just said, then maybe, maybe she could answer him properly. For a second she just stared at the lake, before replying, “I know,” and smiling back at him.
He smiled, too, then, and took her hand with his free one. “You know, I don’t think I could love a girl that didn’t like Star Wars, but you go even beyond that. And I mean, I can’t even begin to explain-”
“Edmund, you’re babbling,” she interrupted him, smiling back. She knew what that meant. “I love you, too,” she said, before taking the nervousness away from him by just leaning in a little bit, and before she knew it, he’d closed the gap between the two of them, their lips touching just that tiny bit, reminding her of their first kiss… well, their first real kiss, anyway - she could have sworn that the first attempt was less of a kiss and more of an accident; he’d tripped, stumbled, and practically fallen onto her lips instead - and instinctually she leaned in a little closer, helping him along.
It was always like this. So incredibly innocent and soft and sweet… just like Edmund. She always had to give permission, so to speak, but that was okay. It said tremendous amounts about his character.
And yet, she could have sworn there was something else, something unspoken in the air about Edmund tonight. If she were quite honest with herself… she would admit that something about it was less reluctant and more… well, she couldn’t really put her finger on it, but it made her heart race even more than it had before.
It had just been a soft, small kiss, conveying more emotion within it than anything else would have, and when he pulled away, resting his forehead on hers and staring into her eyes, hand softly cupping her cheek, she couldn’t help but sigh. “You make me so happy, Edmund. I know things have been really busy and hectic for both of us lately, but… just the thought of getting to see you again for evenings like this is enough for me to make up for it all.”
His gaze flickered to the ground for a second, thinking. “Sarah, do you think maybe… maybe we could…”
“Maybe we could what, Edmund?”
“I, er. I couldn’t think of a single person I’d rather do this with Sarah. I love you, and… this evening was just… the most perfect thing I could have imagined, and, well…”
Sarah bit her lip. “Edmund, you know… things happen. Things can go wrong. What if… what if something happens? I love you, but… Edmund, something like that is a huge commitment. Are we… are we going to get married? I mean…”
She could tell she had clearly done something to change the air of the situation, and now there was this tension, and she wasn’t sure about any of this at all. “Edmund?” she tried when he didn’t respond for a bit.
“Um. Sarah, this is huge. I. I guess… yeah, sure, but let me think about this more and then I’ll tell you tomorrow, okay?”
This was Edmund they were talking about. The love of her life; the only boy who had ever found her inane clumsiness endearing…
And if she wasn’t lying to herself, she would admit that she wanted it, too. There was… this never-ending curiosity. And, of course, there was the fact that Edmund was reliable. She could trust him. She would trust him with her life.
Nodding very slowly, she turned to him. “Okay. I, erm. I’ve never done this before,” she said, suddenly feeling very small.
He just shook his head. “I haven’t either, Sarah. I just know I want to do this with you. Um. But maybe we shouldn’t, er, do this… out here. I guess. The car.”
It was awkward, because both of them knew exactly what was happening, what was going to happen, and how unnatural it felt not only to be doing something like this, but to be so acutely aware of it at the same time…it was maddening, making every detail seem bigger than it was. And for two people that were this dorky and accident-prone…
And to think this was only them getting into the backseat of the car and her taking her shoes and socks off.
“Edmund, are you sure about this?” Sarah asked just as she was pulling off her pants, her breath hitching in her throat. Why did removing pants seem awkward? Why did she feel so watched? Like Edmund was scrutinizing her every move to see what she was doing was unsexy or sexy or… this was ridiculous. Feeling this notion eat up at her with everything she did, moved, removed, she felt bare even before she was. “Edmund…?” she asked, hesitancy clear in her voice.
Any doubt in herself she might have felt before suddenly all dissipated when Edmund, clad only in boxers, in all of his awkward glory, leaned over, tilter her chin up, whispered “you’re so beautiful… I love you so much,” against her lips, and kissed her, his hand cupping her face on second, fingers threading into hair the next.
His kissing became harder and more forceful, and Sarah could feel not only her tension ebb away at how take-charge he was being about all this, but also a new feeling emerge… it pooled in the very pit of her stomach, and made her wonder if there had even been any reason to be reluctant.
All of a sudden, she wanted this, too, and not just because this was Edmund, but because this was sex with Edmund.
She kissed him back with equal fervor, and by the time his tongue found it’s way not only into her mouth, but along her collarbone and down her neck, lightly sucking on that little bundle of nerves in the crook of her neck, Sarah was wearing significantly less and was feeling much better than she had been before.
Now only clad in underwear, the pair’s kissing had become a bit more frantic, hands fumbling up and down, here and there, wherever it didn’t seem or feel too awkward to place or touch. Occasionally he’d ask her if he’d hurt her, and she’d say no every time, and sometimes he asked permission to touch her on her breasts or even other places. A new fascination had taken in… fascination with each other’s bodies that neither of them had really understood or seen until just then.
When he began fumbling with his boxers, and then with her panties, Sarah braced herself for the worst. “I guess I should have brought a towel,” he muttered, staring at the backseat of his car.
“Towel?”
“You might bleed, I… urgh.” And he wanted to be a gynecologist. Sure. “Um. It doesn’t matter.” He looked at her for a second before positioning himself properly (or so they hoped). “I love you,” he said one more time, as if it was justification of his actions, but he sounded more apologetic about it than anything else, and Sarah just swallowed and closed her eyes.
The pain was like nothing she had ever felt, but he had gone quickly, and it could have been worse, right? She could be giving birth. That would be a lot worse.
“Did I hurt you? Are you all right?” Edmund asked, his face riddled with worry.
“Er. Yes. Yes. I mean. Yes to that, too. It’s okay. You can… move, I guess.”
He bit his lip whenever he concentrated on something very intensely, and, now that they had finally achieved a sort of awkward rhythm in which to move, Edmund’s concentration was on keeping said awkward rhythm.
“Edmund, you’re not being tested on this!” Sarah said, “You don’t have to concentrate that much!” when he didn’t really respond, she added, “Edmund, look at me.”
He stopped moving and just looked at her for a moment, and she pulled him down close enough for her to kiss him, before whispering against his lips, “now keep moving,” and she could have sworn he almost understood what she meant and things became better from here on out.
He only lost his glasses once in the manic back-and-forth, and the eye contact they managed to maintain was almost constant.
There was fumbling and noises of all sorts, and then things became faster and even more frantic, and she knew that he was close. She wasn’t - it was to be expected, of course - but she was happy anyway, and the feeling when he came inside of her…
“I love you,” he’d whispered into her hair about ten minutes later, and somehow they’d managed to make it back to her place and into her bed to spend the rest of the night, but her memory by now was really swimmy on that.
It wasn’t until the evening of the next day that she really remembered anything that had happened. Up until everything had been wonderful and fantastic, until he’d decided to break the news to her.
They were standing out in front of her door, and Edmund hadn’t been able to stop staring at the floor and look her in the eyes the whole evening. “I got in,” he said finally, and Sarah was afraid to draw conclusions from what that could possibly mean before assuming the worst, or hoping for the best.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m going to St. Mungo’s to study. I’m… I’m moving to London, Sarah. I’m really sorry.”
The slap had been all she’d been able to deliver that day, right before running inside the house and refusing to let him come back in. Door-slamming came by the second day. Tears didn’t really hit her until the third, and they didn’t really stop from then on, either.