(no subject)
My mom asked me today if I would be the maid of honor at her wedding. It just got me thinking a lot about how much things change. I mean this time last year my parents were still together. Now I don't speak to my dad, I don't live with either of them, and my mom is getting ready for marriage number 4. My whole world just disappeared in under 9 months. And now in two days, we are all gonna graduate. People are leaving, people are moving on, people are becoming entirely new people if they so choose. Everything changes, people leave, and nothing lasts forever. I don't care what people say, people drift apart. It upsets me that this has become my outlook on life, but it is what it is. Patrick told me the other day that my friends can't help me if I don't help myself. Maybe I just can't be happy. I don't know. And I am starting to feel like a really horrible person. I mean I haven't really been there for people lately and I am kinda depressing. And worst of all I am deiberately huring my father. I know he was a jerk and told me to go to hell but I feel bad about banning him from graduation. I don't really want him there, but I feel bad that I am causing him pain. I don't like the person that I have become.