The Aftermath of Today's Events
God is good.
The car nearly hitting me reminds me that I might face death sooner than I expect. Perhaps one day, I will see death coming from far away, and meet him with open arms, embracing my end without regret. Or perhaps I will turn a corner one day and meet death face-to-face.
Even now, unless, I completely misunderstand the universe's nature (it's a possibility, and though I think I'm right--doesn't everyone?), I feel that I would've met God today without regret. Had it been laid in front of me, I would've answered for everything. Every misdeed, every act of anger, jealousy, and rage. Every sin, every good deed, every act of kindness--I would've declared myself guilty before the Holy Judge. How could I do otherwise? The life I have lived, the choices I have made are all mine. I am wholly responsible.
I can't ask for heaven, I don't deserve it. Never have, never will.
Yet I know Jesus will walk out and ask me if He can take my punishment for me. How can I let someone I love take my punishment? I don't want to answer yes. I'm supposed to answer yes--I've been told that I'm supposed to answer yes. BUT I DON'T WANT TO! I don't think it's my stupid pride. I don't want my friend to take what I justly deserve.
I also know what His answer is.
"Friend, you've punished yourself enough. Let me finally take what you're not able to bear."
"But how can you call me your friend? I never obeyed like you asked me to."
"Let me take what you cannot bear."
I still don't know if I could let Him. How can I let an innocent man suffer what I deserve? Perhaps I still haven't grasped the power of real choice. The power of choosing to lay down one's life, but also His power to take it back again.
I am reminded to live, not in the future because thirty years have come and gone quickly. Length of days may not be one of the God's gifts to me.
The car nearly hitting me reminds me that I might face death sooner than I expect. Perhaps one day, I will see death coming from far away, and meet him with open arms, embracing my end without regret. Or perhaps I will turn a corner one day and meet death face-to-face.
Even now, unless, I completely misunderstand the universe's nature (it's a possibility, and though I think I'm right--doesn't everyone?), I feel that I would've met God today without regret. Had it been laid in front of me, I would've answered for everything. Every misdeed, every act of anger, jealousy, and rage. Every sin, every good deed, every act of kindness--I would've declared myself guilty before the Holy Judge. How could I do otherwise? The life I have lived, the choices I have made are all mine. I am wholly responsible.
I can't ask for heaven, I don't deserve it. Never have, never will.
Yet I know Jesus will walk out and ask me if He can take my punishment for me. How can I let someone I love take my punishment? I don't want to answer yes. I'm supposed to answer yes--I've been told that I'm supposed to answer yes. BUT I DON'T WANT TO! I don't think it's my stupid pride. I don't want my friend to take what I justly deserve.
I also know what His answer is.
"Friend, you've punished yourself enough. Let me finally take what you're not able to bear."
"But how can you call me your friend? I never obeyed like you asked me to."
"Let me take what you cannot bear."
I still don't know if I could let Him. How can I let an innocent man suffer what I deserve? Perhaps I still haven't grasped the power of real choice. The power of choosing to lay down one's life, but also His power to take it back again.
I am reminded to live, not in the future because thirty years have come and gone quickly. Length of days may not be one of the God's gifts to me.