(no subject)
i live here now. where my hate once lived.
this place in my heart, with no fresh start.
the beating was always the worst right here
here is where it hurt the most.
being here is like walking through fog,
expecting to feel a cold resistance
you just might be able to float in,
but feeling nothing, instead.
I twitch here now.
flinching in fear or the feeling of falling, the flailing and failing
kicking the walls of this cavity. gravity-
pushing and pulling at my steady placidity
no one can hold me
i'm hearing my hate again
i jumped in the fog that i once put my sadness in
face to the floor of this tepid corridor
i lay there
i stare
catatonic gin and tonic
i fight to give up everyday
i am blurred: i never want you to see this.
to your memory i'm bound
far from safe and sound
but "you're still the one pool in which i'd happily drown."