Funeral costs
I know it's not a laughing matter but I can't help hoping that if/when my [as yet to be determined] significant other dies, I will be having placid conversations like the following:
Younger lady: Oh Mabel, how are you holding up?
Mabel: Well, it's been hard since Zebediah died. It was so sudden and such a shock. I don't know what I'd do without him-
Younger lady:
Mabel: I just wasn't prepared for all the decisions. And there were all these bills.
Younger lady: And I hear the funeral can be so expensive [Yes, because this is what I like to bring up when consoling a friend]
Mabel: I suppose [now, why didn't she use 'reckon'? I love 'reckon.' It's so bogan!] it would have been so much harder, but luckily Zebediah had taken out a funeral plan.... It kicked in immediately, covered all the costs of his funeral and even a little bit more! [OMG. A funeral plan that covers MORE than the funeral - wtf did you skimp on?! Cheapskate woman.]
Random Funeral guy: It took care of the flowers, paid for the dancing girls, they even hand-sewed a suit for him......and there's a plan to suit every need!
Me:
...sorry I dozed off while listening to the guy telling me what the funeral plan covers...
Younger lady: It's the least you can do for your family, isn't it? [smarmy bitch]
Mabel: nodding.
WTF kind of conversation is that!? I like some hellfire and brimstone advertising myself. I'd start with this VO that lilts lazily as images of the Earth forming spin across the scene [magma and then interstellar bits and meteors coming together]
'Over the centuries, burial rites have been an important part of any culture. They signify the love we had for those that have passed, the care we'd like them to have even in death, and the most common funerary beliefs of the time. The history of the world is reconstructed on the basis of the graves left behind!
Then IMMEDIATELY flash to: a picture of Mozart and then the picture of the mass grave he was buried in [with a scary Kyrie playing in the background or something]...cos he hadn't put any money aside! <--- see, that's my hook right there!
And then throw in a bit about how funeral costs and funeral plots are hard to come by and everyone should get one.
See?
I also have an ad in mind for those of us that like the idea of cremation: Now Grandma will always be a part of the family
Younger lady: Oh Mabel, how are you holding up?
Mabel: Well, it's been hard since Zebediah died. It was so sudden and such a shock. I don't know what I'd do without him-
Younger lady:
Mabel: I just wasn't prepared for all the decisions. And there were all these bills.
Younger lady: And I hear the funeral can be so expensive [Yes, because this is what I like to bring up when consoling a friend]
Mabel: I suppose [now, why didn't she use 'reckon'? I love 'reckon.' It's so bogan!] it would have been so much harder, but luckily Zebediah had taken out a funeral plan.... It kicked in immediately, covered all the costs of his funeral and even a little bit more! [OMG. A funeral plan that covers MORE than the funeral - wtf did you skimp on?! Cheapskate woman.]
Random Funeral guy: It took care of the flowers, paid for the dancing girls, they even hand-sewed a suit for him......and there's a plan to suit every need!
Me:
...sorry I dozed off while listening to the guy telling me what the funeral plan covers...
Younger lady: It's the least you can do for your family, isn't it? [smarmy bitch]
Mabel: nodding.
WTF kind of conversation is that!? I like some hellfire and brimstone advertising myself. I'd start with this VO that lilts lazily as images of the Earth forming spin across the scene [magma and then interstellar bits and meteors coming together]
'Over the centuries, burial rites have been an important part of any culture. They signify the love we had for those that have passed, the care we'd like them to have even in death, and the most common funerary beliefs of the time. The history of the world is reconstructed on the basis of the graves left behind!
Then IMMEDIATELY flash to: a picture of Mozart and then the picture of the mass grave he was buried in [with a scary Kyrie playing in the background or something]...cos he hadn't put any money aside! <--- see, that's my hook right there!
And then throw in a bit about how funeral costs and funeral plots are hard to come by and everyone should get one.
See?
I also have an ad in mind for those of us that like the idea of cremation: Now Grandma will always be a part of the family