Alysa's leaving.

[hydingjekyll]

Alysa says she's going on a couple-weeks-long road trip starting on Tuesday, and moving when she gets back--both of them for the sake of getting away from me. Considering her track record with telling the truth and sticking to what she says, I'll believe it when I see it. Still, I'm hopeful. I was actually thinking about finding a new place

Comments

[metalmensch]

If you're thinking about dating someone for a bit, and if you don't want to blur the lines, it might be a good idea not to fuck them until you've decided.

One of the things that I've found from bad breakups (yes, I've had them) is that often there were things that I could have done to remove ambiguity. It's a silly thing, I know, not rational; but it makes a world of difference when people have an idea where they stand based upon some basic societal precepts.

You control you. Controlling you means that you have the responsibility to own feelings and perceptions thereof. If you do something...For example: fucking someone you're debating whether to have a relationship with, before the fucking occurs, ask yourself why you're doing it. If the answer is "because I want to have fun", you might want to step back and make damned sure that the other person is feeling the same way. If the answer is, "because I really enjoy this person's company and really I want to know them better", for your sake and theirs, don't fuck them.

You control you. Yep, I repeated it. You choose whether or not you want to be a dick. If you want to be a dick, take others completely at their face value when you meet them. Society as a whole makes pretty little lies to preserve social niceties. You don't have to believe the little lies, that's what having free will is all about, yay for our not being robots. You can go, "huh, that sounds entirely too rational" internally, and then choose to be in the position where you can say no to the behavior and not the person; it takes doing, but is ultimately better than lashing out about petty things later as a proxy for a deeper emotional heartache.

[hydingjekyll]

Agreed. I've learned that sex before clear lines are drawn is a recipe for trouble (serves at least two, usually more). I've walked the line between being overly rational to the point of denying emotions and giving in to emotions even though it's not a good idea, and I'm still trying to find a comfortable ground between them. These days, I'm leaning more toward being rational.

I used to think that taking people at face value meant that you were giving them the respect of trusting them, but I now agree that it's usually a bad idea to do so.

Thanks for your input.