(no subject)

[hyderebel]

YOu want me to be honest? I lied. You guys who say so much shit about me? It does affect me. It hurts. You don't think it sucks ro have to say no to going to Kaitlins birthday, just because I know there would be too much drama, and it would ruin her birthday? To lose my best friends? To hear the fucking lacrosse team saying shit to me when i walk by? It's horrible, okay? People that have nothing to do with the situation are talkign about me behindmy back and sometimes to my face. There are so many things I would take back if I could, but I can't. I would never have done the things I did that got me sent to Hyde. I ask myself every day, "why did i have to do drugs, why did i have to get out of control?" I hate that it's something I could have avoided. I do like it there, I've made relationships that are absolutly amazing. I endured so much physical and mental pain, and I learned a lot about myself. But, I still question if going to Hyde was worth it. It may have made my morals stronger, btu it's also driving me to my limit. I'm at a loss at what to do. Everything in Syracuse is shit. Everything at Hyde is impossible. Either way I'm going to break. Julia and Andrew are gone in May, I don't know what I'll do without them. Everything else is pretty useless. Yet again, I dont know what I'm doing. It's looking shitty. I really have no place to go where I feel sane.
I promised myself I won't do anything until Julia and Andrew graduate.