I Didn't Come Here To Hurt You, Now I Can't Stop

[hydden]

I experienced heartbreak this week. It had been over a year since my last stroke of body-crippling emotional blackout, and how easy it was to forget the vice closing on my chest, holding onto my breath until I cry. Vulnerabilities exposed, everything suddenly seems so personal and the peripheries of my life have been in torment as much as the heart. It's a whole different kind of stress than anything I can remember experiencing, and despite knowing I'll be fine - indeed, stronger for it - I can't stop the pain... it comes and goes in vindictive waves, triggered equally by direct reference, careless remark, or just sitting quietly for too long.

I know what I'm doing, I'm not reaching out, I'm not shutting down.
I'm getting organised, I'm getting stronger, I'm getting a 'Harden the Fuck Up' t-shirt.

Until next time.

9:30pm