Don't mind me, Go ahead, Self Destruct!
So I have just spent the last few hours of my life, and the early hours of a cold morning arguing intensely with a friend who has the argumentative tact of a salt stained brick wall, on MSN, of all places.
I'm overcome with stupid levels of anger, resentment and just generally feeling quite pissed off at such pathetic and below the belt insults, directed straight at my character flaws, or more, my apparent lack of understanding and sixth sense abilities. Apparently, my connection to this "friend" is in significant and falls in comparison to that of another!
Lets refer to this argumentative swine as MR X, as to not get confused!
The conversation with MR X, started out just as a normal conversation would. General bad spelling, grammar and punctuation on his part. Now that may seem like an unfair comment, but it has it's place, he has issues, Including his general inability to communicate properly, and I have been nothing but patient with him from the day I met him.( Which I was advised against by people who had known him for years before.)
So as it goes, sometimes having a talk with MR X, in all contexts, can leave me feeling like I have had the life force sucked out of me! Hes like a god damn train wreck, he totally derails, and starts banter in all directions, subject jumping left, right and center, until finally crashing and burning everyone in his path!
I shouldn't of asked, but for a while now I have been very worried about a person I once loved very much( still do), but fell out with. I have thought of her more and more these past few weeks, and amidst a sea of horrific and painful dreams, she's been calling to me. That feeling you get when someone you once knew well is in trouble.
So knowing he's in contact with her, I asked of her welfare. Initially he ignored me, but as aforementioned his communicative skills are somewhat lacking and he didn't respond. Perhaps I was expecting just a little bit too much, pushing too hard, so I asked again. I found out she's very much in a shitty situation and lots of trouble. And oh did my heart start to ache.
Now things progressed and I started to feel as though he was patronizing me, insinuating my concern was impure, and because of his close relationship with her, he could look after her without help from anyone else! He can hardly care for himself, god only knows, and he's on the path to self destruct, screw the path, he's there!
Minus the crap in between trying to get a straight story without feeling like I was being attacked and the self assuring bullshit, he declared " she knows me better than all of you, you have no idea who I am". What? I have stood by him through times of trial, times when all I wanted to do was curl up and cry myself, yet I have been his emotional outlet!
Now I have been thrown on the garbage because I don't have the physic connection him and my old friend have, and according to him, my relationship with her was never as pure as theres is now!
I am disgusted, I have had two of my major explode switches pushed in one sitting by the same disrespectful person. I understand theres some sexual feelings there on his part towards the girl of which I speak, understandably this adds emotion to the situation, jeeze, I'm well aware of that! I knew he wanted her before he even told me!
Why is it, that I am landed with this label of "cruel, ruthless bitch" all of the time?
This physic ground is all new to him, and he's totally getting off on feeling he has some control in his life! Maybe he genuinely feels he has a gift, maybe he has had prophetic dreams, maybe he can read my tea leafs and tell me what brand of toilet paper I prefer! Frankly, I don't give a toss. Hes using this "new gift" as a sure fire way to treat people, no friends, as doormats. Sucking the life out of me when I suffer with depression myself, and then claiming its my misunderstanding and total inability to connect with him thats damaging him and me!
Because I ask a question and don't get an honest answer, because I dare to find a new perspective to his opinion on something. Because he can't answer a concern sincerely, I'm the one to blame!?
According to MR X, karma is gonna rear its ugly head, and strike me down!
He even threatened to cause me harm by way of physic attack! I am not in the least bit impressed by that last statement! In fact that's dangerous territory, I know people that would be really pissed at such a destructive amateur, someone with nothing to lose, playing around with such a delicate form of magic,psychology,mind control.
A man with nothing to lose is a man to fear! I have been hearing this a lot lately!
He's playing with fire if he thinks hes going to start kicking his filthy feet around in my head, I think he would petrified of what he found!
I don't deserve this, I stick my heart and energy out there so much. I'm not a fecking free for all, I don't live to sort out people's emotional baggage when there too stubborn and headstrong to take a good look at themselves and realize it's really there attitude thats driving people that care away! Why can't people listen?
I'm 21 for goodness sake, quite a young creature. Yet, I seem to listen to whats said to me a lot more than some older people I know, why? I thought it more of old fashioned concept to listen when spoke too, and I come from a family of over opinionated loudmouths!
Whats everyones excuse? Please tell me, is the world so loud we are all going deaf!?
I never ask for anything in return. I never compare what I have done for someone to what they have done for me. and I sure don't give to receive. But just once in a while, I wish someone would really cough up the pride, and admit they have talked to me like shit and apologize.
Because really, I have let way too many people get away with it recently!
Its 6.12 am, and I'm still in a fighting mood, my hands are shaking but I'm exhausted!
I'm going to go and bang my head against a brick wall, in a flat filled with sleeping souls, on a hill in North London, polluted by noisy morning passers by, on a road that leads me back home to the land of nod!
Love to you my precious little piece of web space, you have saved us from the tornado, yet again!
*clap*
I'm overcome with stupid levels of anger, resentment and just generally feeling quite pissed off at such pathetic and below the belt insults, directed straight at my character flaws, or more, my apparent lack of understanding and sixth sense abilities. Apparently, my connection to this "friend" is in significant and falls in comparison to that of another!
Lets refer to this argumentative swine as MR X, as to not get confused!
The conversation with MR X, started out just as a normal conversation would. General bad spelling, grammar and punctuation on his part. Now that may seem like an unfair comment, but it has it's place, he has issues, Including his general inability to communicate properly, and I have been nothing but patient with him from the day I met him.( Which I was advised against by people who had known him for years before.)
So as it goes, sometimes having a talk with MR X, in all contexts, can leave me feeling like I have had the life force sucked out of me! Hes like a god damn train wreck, he totally derails, and starts banter in all directions, subject jumping left, right and center, until finally crashing and burning everyone in his path!
I shouldn't of asked, but for a while now I have been very worried about a person I once loved very much( still do), but fell out with. I have thought of her more and more these past few weeks, and amidst a sea of horrific and painful dreams, she's been calling to me. That feeling you get when someone you once knew well is in trouble.
So knowing he's in contact with her, I asked of her welfare. Initially he ignored me, but as aforementioned his communicative skills are somewhat lacking and he didn't respond. Perhaps I was expecting just a little bit too much, pushing too hard, so I asked again. I found out she's very much in a shitty situation and lots of trouble. And oh did my heart start to ache.
Now things progressed and I started to feel as though he was patronizing me, insinuating my concern was impure, and because of his close relationship with her, he could look after her without help from anyone else! He can hardly care for himself, god only knows, and he's on the path to self destruct, screw the path, he's there!
Minus the crap in between trying to get a straight story without feeling like I was being attacked and the self assuring bullshit, he declared " she knows me better than all of you, you have no idea who I am". What? I have stood by him through times of trial, times when all I wanted to do was curl up and cry myself, yet I have been his emotional outlet!
Now I have been thrown on the garbage because I don't have the physic connection him and my old friend have, and according to him, my relationship with her was never as pure as theres is now!
I am disgusted, I have had two of my major explode switches pushed in one sitting by the same disrespectful person. I understand theres some sexual feelings there on his part towards the girl of which I speak, understandably this adds emotion to the situation, jeeze, I'm well aware of that! I knew he wanted her before he even told me!
Why is it, that I am landed with this label of "cruel, ruthless bitch" all of the time?
This physic ground is all new to him, and he's totally getting off on feeling he has some control in his life! Maybe he genuinely feels he has a gift, maybe he has had prophetic dreams, maybe he can read my tea leafs and tell me what brand of toilet paper I prefer! Frankly, I don't give a toss. Hes using this "new gift" as a sure fire way to treat people, no friends, as doormats. Sucking the life out of me when I suffer with depression myself, and then claiming its my misunderstanding and total inability to connect with him thats damaging him and me!
Because I ask a question and don't get an honest answer, because I dare to find a new perspective to his opinion on something. Because he can't answer a concern sincerely, I'm the one to blame!?
According to MR X, karma is gonna rear its ugly head, and strike me down!
He even threatened to cause me harm by way of physic attack! I am not in the least bit impressed by that last statement! In fact that's dangerous territory, I know people that would be really pissed at such a destructive amateur, someone with nothing to lose, playing around with such a delicate form of magic,psychology,mind control.
A man with nothing to lose is a man to fear! I have been hearing this a lot lately!
He's playing with fire if he thinks hes going to start kicking his filthy feet around in my head, I think he would petrified of what he found!
I don't deserve this, I stick my heart and energy out there so much. I'm not a fecking free for all, I don't live to sort out people's emotional baggage when there too stubborn and headstrong to take a good look at themselves and realize it's really there attitude thats driving people that care away! Why can't people listen?
I'm 21 for goodness sake, quite a young creature. Yet, I seem to listen to whats said to me a lot more than some older people I know, why? I thought it more of old fashioned concept to listen when spoke too, and I come from a family of over opinionated loudmouths!
Whats everyones excuse? Please tell me, is the world so loud we are all going deaf!?
I never ask for anything in return. I never compare what I have done for someone to what they have done for me. and I sure don't give to receive. But just once in a while, I wish someone would really cough up the pride, and admit they have talked to me like shit and apologize.
Because really, I have let way too many people get away with it recently!
Its 6.12 am, and I'm still in a fighting mood, my hands are shaking but I'm exhausted!
I'm going to go and bang my head against a brick wall, in a flat filled with sleeping souls, on a hill in North London, polluted by noisy morning passers by, on a road that leads me back home to the land of nod!
Love to you my precious little piece of web space, you have saved us from the tornado, yet again!
*clap*