so is happiness always a facade?
my grandmother has supposedly been very ill these past few days- i feel horrible when i say this but..i kind of just want her to die and get it over with. Of course, i love her and we've had undisposable memories together that have been forever imprinted with permanent ink onto my brain. This is why. Not because i don't love her but because we have all suffered enough. Including her. I know being transfered from hospital to hosptital isn't ideal.
Not doing anything for Thanksgiving. I'm sorry to be complaning it's just that family get together thinigies ( at least with my family) are fun and I enjoy them. But there is nothing remotely anti holiday-esque than sitting with your mother and brother in the same house that you have all shed blood, sweat and tears in only to get into a full-fledged argument about god knows what right in the middle of the meal.
cannot wait.
..actually yes i can.
I feel just truly horrible. Perhaps it's a lack of vitamin c or something but I just feel awful. I'm never energetic, I have lack of motivation and I just feel like i could collapse at any moment. I also find myself going through horrific mood swings. I cry myself to sleep every night. Feel the urge to cry in the morning. Feel pointless and useless at school. ::sigh::
Honestly- life kinda sucks right now. I just have nothing to look forward to. I wish i did. I just don't want to turn into my mother..I think she is unhappy and I really don't want to become a cynical, pessimistic person but each day I become more and more of one. Help. Please.
and one last thing..and I do not want anyone teling me otherwise or passing out sugercoated comments like it was a free sample of cheese at a carnival..
I feel unaccomplished, average, unloved, repulsive, stupid and just a big mistake walking around in a life full of little ones. People say everything culminates to one large grand finale in life..heh. How about not.
I don't feel like me.
This is not who I am.
Where did all of me go?
Not doing anything for Thanksgiving. I'm sorry to be complaning it's just that family get together thinigies ( at least with my family) are fun and I enjoy them. But there is nothing remotely anti holiday-esque than sitting with your mother and brother in the same house that you have all shed blood, sweat and tears in only to get into a full-fledged argument about god knows what right in the middle of the meal.
cannot wait.
..actually yes i can.
I feel just truly horrible. Perhaps it's a lack of vitamin c or something but I just feel awful. I'm never energetic, I have lack of motivation and I just feel like i could collapse at any moment. I also find myself going through horrific mood swings. I cry myself to sleep every night. Feel the urge to cry in the morning. Feel pointless and useless at school. ::sigh::
Honestly- life kinda sucks right now. I just have nothing to look forward to. I wish i did. I just don't want to turn into my mother..I think she is unhappy and I really don't want to become a cynical, pessimistic person but each day I become more and more of one. Help. Please.
and one last thing..and I do not want anyone teling me otherwise or passing out sugercoated comments like it was a free sample of cheese at a carnival..
I feel unaccomplished, average, unloved, repulsive, stupid and just a big mistake walking around in a life full of little ones. People say everything culminates to one large grand finale in life..heh. How about not.
I don't feel like me.
This is not who I am.
Where did all of me go?