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I'm staring at a blank page, a blank page that by tomorrow at 10am has to be three pages filled with words. I'm chain smoking away worse than I ever have, I bought a pack earlier today and I have only 6 left, I bought this pack at about 10am. 5 Left now. I jsut want to write, nothing sensible, just splattered words like paint on canvas and watch as it dries. I want to burn everyone with my words and laugh as the ashes are blown away. I want to fuck until I bleed myself dry, and my partner keeps on fucking my corpse anyways. I want to scream at walls until they fall and break and crack, then sit back and wait and wait and wait until they finally decay and become just another particle of dust. I want to surround myself with laughing gas so I can be numb and strangely happy at the same time with that drooly face we all make after the dentist has properfly fucked us while unconcious. I want my bitternes to bleed into your veins and take over your heart, stopping your brain from thinking your own thoughts and only drinking up mine. 4 Left now. I want my selfishness to gain me everything I want, so I don't have to give up on myself and leave you alone. I want the world as my slave, filled with beautiful women and men with me in the middle of it all so I can be the god of androgony. I want to rot away and die my death that was promised to me this winter. I want my pain to be real so I can complain without feeling like shit and like I'm bothering everyone except you. I want to drink from fountains that have dried for centuries, now filled with caked dried dirt and all the monsters we once believed. I want to drive through cars and people just to see the look on their shit-dropping faces. 3 Left now. I want all those better than me to bow down and beg forgiveness for flaunting and all those worse than me to stand on the backs of those fuckers and swing sledge hammers to each others heads. I want steel to surround my heart so I don't have to cry when your blood hits the ground. I want my face to be filled with nothing so I can't be read, so I cant' be felt, so I can't be killed by your smile. 2 Left now. 1 Left now... now its over and has to end. 0 Left now.