Fry him bacon?
So Doctor Who was on tonight.
Here are my thoughts, as I watched them. I was going to put them into an order that made sense but they are more hilarious this way, I think. Also, my shipping tendencies SWAY WITH THE WIND. And I am not friendly to Moffat. In any way, shape, or form.
EW WHY DOES MATT SMITH LOOK GROSS ALL THE TIME?
oh god i feel like every moffat episode is gonna be exactly the same:
1. doctor is cheeky
2. creepy music
3. moment of creepiness
4. some sort of monster
5. action sequence
6. doctor is kind of a chauvinist/douche
7. the end
"i'm the doctor, do what i tell you, don't ask stupid questions, and don't wander off." why do i feel like this is moffat's approach to treating women?
all right, matt smith looks cute in profile. he just made what, an 8 year old, FRY HIM BACON? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT. the doctor seems so much douchier right now. FISH FINGERS AND CUSTARD? MY GOD, THE DOCTOR HAS SUDDENLY BECOME LIKE A FIVE YEAR OLD BOY. OH MY GOD SHIPPING AMY/ELEVEN WILL BE PART PEDOPHILIA. TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE FLASHBACKS WITH THE SEMI-CREEPY NATURE OF THE RELATIONSHIP.
MATT SMITH WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH YOUR HAIR.
"it's a crack..."
me: ~in tiiiiiiiiime
ps: ever since that article which mentioned that matt smith has broken 4 sonic screwdriver props in trying to get used to teh role, i am just gonna call him matt "4-sonic-screwdrivers" smith.
I AM SO CREEPED OUT BY THIS WHOLE AMY IS 8 YEARS OLD BUSINESS.
OHMYGOD MATT SMITH WHY IS YOUR TIE SO FUG. WHY IS YOUR HAIR SO FUG.
LOL THAT FUCKING LOOKS LIKE THE BAT SYMBOL.
LOL HE JUST GOT HIT IN THE CROTCH IT LOOKED LIKE.
PSYCHIC PAPER: THE DEUS EX MACHINA FOR THE SHOW THAT HAS ABUSED DEUS EX MACHINAS TO THE POINT WHERE THE TERM HAS NO MEANING
OH MY GOD ELEVEN STOP BEING A CREEPER! (my emotion about this was so strong i yelled it out of reflex...? and my flatmate was like, 'who's being a creeper?')
SHE IS PACKING HER BAGS. THIS IS OFFICIALLY KIDNAPPING. MOFFAT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING.
AW HE IS NOT GONNA SHOW UP BECAUSE HE'LL OVERSHOOT OR UNDERSHOOT AND SHE WILL JUST BE PISSED AT HIM FOREVER. WHERE ARE THIS GIRLS PARENTS? LOL THAT WAS THE LAMEST SHOT EVER, BUT YAY CRICKET BAT
GETTING "ARE YOU MY MUMMY" FLASHBACKS.
do policewomen really wear skirts that tight? how do they ... police people? i call bullshit. (eta: and i'm right!)
i hope this show does not fall into: "women who are not sex objects are gonna be bitches" because otherwise i just am agla;lkdgjaoieguew;jla;eldkv
i'm sorry, can't the sonic screwdriver UNLOCK THINGS? UNCUFF YOURSELF IDIOT.
just kidding, he doesn't have it. maybe i am just unobservant.
i expect policewomen to be toned/somewhat muscular because they have to do police training but amy is just...thin.
oh matt smith, your acting seems so odd sometimes
ALSO SHE RUNS REALLY AMUSINGLY.
also way to be so obviously cgi, fish.
LOL THAT EXPLAINS IT. (she's a kissogram.)
I LOVE AMY. SHE'S GONNA MAKE ME LOVE ELEVEN BY ASSOCIATION.
"I'M THE DOCTOR, I'M WORSE THAN EVERYBODY'S AUNT." LOLOLOL OR MAYBE BY THESE ONE LINERS. NOW I AM IMAGINING ELEVEN CHILLING WITH EDWARD FROM BRINGING UP CULLEN TALKING ABOUT HOW EVERYONE NOWADAYS IS SUCH A JUVENILE DELINQUENT AND THEY WILL CLUTCH AT THEIR PEARLS TOGETHER AS THEY CROCHET BABY BOOTIES
SOMEBODY FIX THIS BOY'S HAIR.
SHE DREW CARTOONS OF HIM OMG OKAY CREEPY ASSERTIONS ASIDE I MIGHT SHIP THEM. THIS IS ADORABLE.
THE GIANT EYE IS SUCH AN ORWELL KNOCKOFF, MOFFAT. ORWELL > YOU.
"TWENTY MINUTES TO SAVE THE WORLD AND I'VE GOT A POST OFFICE. AND IT'S SHUT."
OKAY OKAY MATT SMITH, I THINK YOUR DELIVERY + SOME OF THESE LINES MIGHT JUST MAKE ME A HAPPY FAN. AND WHY IS IT THAT WHEN TEN REGENERATED, DUDE WAS LIKE COMATOSE ASLEEP AND ELEVEN IS ALL RUNNING AROUND.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AMY IS SO AWESOME. SHE TRAPPED HIM WITH HIS TERRIBLE NECKWEAR AND A CAR.
her nails, however, are way too long and square to be of use.
THIS IS LIKE THE LENS FLARE THAT WOULDN'T END.
LOL ALSO I LOVE HOW SHE CAN'T REALLY KEEP UP WITH HIM
THE RAGGEDY DOCTOR. LOVE. THIS.
that looks like a giant thing of blue crack.
oh eleven. he's like the george mcfly of the doctors.
lol this monster is like a bad 80s video.
this laptop is like a too-easy TWSS joke.
(i apparently also love similes, lololol)
LOL SOPHIE FROM PEEP SHOW IS ON HERE. WHAT? WITH GIRLS WHO LOOK LIKE THEY'RE STRAIGHT FROM THE SHINING.
HEE THE LADDER CLIMBING. KINDA LOVE IT.
AND MAN, DID SOPHIE CUT HER HAIR?
SAVED BY FACEBOOK? LAAAAAAAAAME.
Why does he ALWAYS reference the Shadow Proclamation?
HE WALKS SO STRANGELY.
LOL I LOVE AMY.
Aw, I did like the flashback of all the previous doctors though MS walking through the hologram was SO LAME.
IDK HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE NEW OUTFIT EITHER. HE'S SO CUTE WITH HER. HE IS SUCH A NERD. AND HE WANTS TO IMPRESS HER SO BADLY.
OKAY OKAY I HAVE ERASED THE SEMI-CREEPY UNDERTONES FROM MY MIND
THEY DID NOOOOOOOOOT. THEY REPLACED THE SONIC SCREWDRIVER. WHAT THE FUCK. IT'S GREEN NOW. GREEN.
HE LAUGHS LIKE A STUFFY TRISCUIT WOULD LAUGH.
I KNEW IT. I KNEW SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED THE NEXT DAY AND HE WOULD TAKE HER AWAY. GOD CAN WE STOP IT WITH THE DOCTOR IS PRINCE CHARMING METAPHORS PLEASE?
PROMO:
THIS IS SUCH PETER PAN AND WENDY SHIT WITH THE FLYING.
I want to know how River Song fits into all of this because she's supposed to ~get with him but I am way behind Eleven/Amy more. And she thought Ten was young but ELEVEN LOOKS YOUNGER THAN TEN, SO IDEK HOW THIS IS ALL GONNA WORK CANONICALLY.
SHE LEFT HER FIANCE WITHOUT TELLING HIM FOR THE DOCTOR. JESUS, MAN.
ALSO HOLY GUEST STARS, JAMES CORDEN. BILL NIGHY.
I ALSO STAND BY MY THEORY ABOUT MOFFAT PLOTS. ALSO CAN WE DITCH THE DALEKS/CYBERMEN ARE THE ONLY VILLAINS THING PLEASE?
MOFFAT JUST WANTS THIS WHOLE SHOW TO BE AN ACTION MOVIE.
BECAUSE HELLO THE PROMO I FELT WAS RIPPING OFF OF 'LEGENDS OF THE FALL,' 'INDIANA JONES,' AND 'STAR WARS.' But I'm totally on board Eleven/Amy. I want them to make out and be cute.
Here are my thoughts, as I watched them. I was going to put them into an order that made sense but they are more hilarious this way, I think. Also, my shipping tendencies SWAY WITH THE WIND. And I am not friendly to Moffat. In any way, shape, or form.
EW WHY DOES MATT SMITH LOOK GROSS ALL THE TIME?
oh god i feel like every moffat episode is gonna be exactly the same:
1. doctor is cheeky
2. creepy music
3. moment of creepiness
4. some sort of monster
5. action sequence
6. doctor is kind of a chauvinist/douche
7. the end
"i'm the doctor, do what i tell you, don't ask stupid questions, and don't wander off." why do i feel like this is moffat's approach to treating women?
all right, matt smith looks cute in profile. he just made what, an 8 year old, FRY HIM BACON? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT. the doctor seems so much douchier right now. FISH FINGERS AND CUSTARD? MY GOD, THE DOCTOR HAS SUDDENLY BECOME LIKE A FIVE YEAR OLD BOY. OH MY GOD SHIPPING AMY/ELEVEN WILL BE PART PEDOPHILIA. TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE FLASHBACKS WITH THE SEMI-CREEPY NATURE OF THE RELATIONSHIP.
MATT SMITH WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH YOUR HAIR.
"it's a crack..."
me: ~in tiiiiiiiiime
ps: ever since that article which mentioned that matt smith has broken 4 sonic screwdriver props in trying to get used to teh role, i am just gonna call him matt "4-sonic-screwdrivers" smith.
I AM SO CREEPED OUT BY THIS WHOLE AMY IS 8 YEARS OLD BUSINESS.
OHMYGOD MATT SMITH WHY IS YOUR TIE SO FUG. WHY IS YOUR HAIR SO FUG.
LOL THAT FUCKING LOOKS LIKE THE BAT SYMBOL.
LOL HE JUST GOT HIT IN THE CROTCH IT LOOKED LIKE.
PSYCHIC PAPER: THE DEUS EX MACHINA FOR THE SHOW THAT HAS ABUSED DEUS EX MACHINAS TO THE POINT WHERE THE TERM HAS NO MEANING
OH MY GOD ELEVEN STOP BEING A CREEPER! (my emotion about this was so strong i yelled it out of reflex...? and my flatmate was like, 'who's being a creeper?')
SHE IS PACKING HER BAGS. THIS IS OFFICIALLY KIDNAPPING. MOFFAT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING.
AW HE IS NOT GONNA SHOW UP BECAUSE HE'LL OVERSHOOT OR UNDERSHOOT AND SHE WILL JUST BE PISSED AT HIM FOREVER. WHERE ARE THIS GIRLS PARENTS? LOL THAT WAS THE LAMEST SHOT EVER, BUT YAY CRICKET BAT
GETTING "ARE YOU MY MUMMY" FLASHBACKS.
do policewomen really wear skirts that tight? how do they ... police people? i call bullshit. (eta: and i'm right!)
i hope this show does not fall into: "women who are not sex objects are gonna be bitches" because otherwise i just am agla;lkdgjaoieguew;jla;eldkv
i'm sorry, can't the sonic screwdriver UNLOCK THINGS? UNCUFF YOURSELF IDIOT.
just kidding, he doesn't have it. maybe i am just unobservant.
i expect policewomen to be toned/somewhat muscular because they have to do police training but amy is just...thin.
oh matt smith, your acting seems so odd sometimes
ALSO SHE RUNS REALLY AMUSINGLY.
also way to be so obviously cgi, fish.
LOL THAT EXPLAINS IT. (she's a kissogram.)
I LOVE AMY. SHE'S GONNA MAKE ME LOVE ELEVEN BY ASSOCIATION.
"I'M THE DOCTOR, I'M WORSE THAN EVERYBODY'S AUNT." LOLOLOL OR MAYBE BY THESE ONE LINERS. NOW I AM IMAGINING ELEVEN CHILLING WITH EDWARD FROM BRINGING UP CULLEN TALKING ABOUT HOW EVERYONE NOWADAYS IS SUCH A JUVENILE DELINQUENT AND THEY WILL CLUTCH AT THEIR PEARLS TOGETHER AS THEY CROCHET BABY BOOTIES
SOMEBODY FIX THIS BOY'S HAIR.
SHE DREW CARTOONS OF HIM OMG OKAY CREEPY ASSERTIONS ASIDE I MIGHT SHIP THEM. THIS IS ADORABLE.
THE GIANT EYE IS SUCH AN ORWELL KNOCKOFF, MOFFAT. ORWELL > YOU.
"TWENTY MINUTES TO SAVE THE WORLD AND I'VE GOT A POST OFFICE. AND IT'S SHUT."
OKAY OKAY MATT SMITH, I THINK YOUR DELIVERY + SOME OF THESE LINES MIGHT JUST MAKE ME A HAPPY FAN. AND WHY IS IT THAT WHEN TEN REGENERATED, DUDE WAS LIKE COMATOSE ASLEEP AND ELEVEN IS ALL RUNNING AROUND.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AMY IS SO AWESOME. SHE TRAPPED HIM WITH HIS TERRIBLE NECKWEAR AND A CAR.
her nails, however, are way too long and square to be of use.
THIS IS LIKE THE LENS FLARE THAT WOULDN'T END.
LOL ALSO I LOVE HOW SHE CAN'T REALLY KEEP UP WITH HIM
THE RAGGEDY DOCTOR. LOVE. THIS.
that looks like a giant thing of blue crack.
oh eleven. he's like the george mcfly of the doctors.
lol this monster is like a bad 80s video.
this laptop is like a too-easy TWSS joke.
(i apparently also love similes, lololol)
LOL SOPHIE FROM PEEP SHOW IS ON HERE. WHAT? WITH GIRLS WHO LOOK LIKE THEY'RE STRAIGHT FROM THE SHINING.
HEE THE LADDER CLIMBING. KINDA LOVE IT.
AND MAN, DID SOPHIE CUT HER HAIR?
SAVED BY FACEBOOK? LAAAAAAAAAME.
Why does he ALWAYS reference the Shadow Proclamation?
HE WALKS SO STRANGELY.
LOL I LOVE AMY.
Aw, I did like the flashback of all the previous doctors though MS walking through the hologram was SO LAME.
IDK HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE NEW OUTFIT EITHER. HE'S SO CUTE WITH HER. HE IS SUCH A NERD. AND HE WANTS TO IMPRESS HER SO BADLY.
OKAY OKAY I HAVE ERASED THE SEMI-CREEPY UNDERTONES FROM MY MIND
THEY DID NOOOOOOOOOT. THEY REPLACED THE SONIC SCREWDRIVER. WHAT THE FUCK. IT'S GREEN NOW. GREEN.
HE LAUGHS LIKE A STUFFY TRISCUIT WOULD LAUGH.
I KNEW IT. I KNEW SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED THE NEXT DAY AND HE WOULD TAKE HER AWAY. GOD CAN WE STOP IT WITH THE DOCTOR IS PRINCE CHARMING METAPHORS PLEASE?
PROMO:
THIS IS SUCH PETER PAN AND WENDY SHIT WITH THE FLYING.
I want to know how River Song fits into all of this because she's supposed to ~get with him but I am way behind Eleven/Amy more. And she thought Ten was young but ELEVEN LOOKS YOUNGER THAN TEN, SO IDEK HOW THIS IS ALL GONNA WORK CANONICALLY.
SHE LEFT HER FIANCE WITHOUT TELLING HIM FOR THE DOCTOR. JESUS, MAN.
ALSO HOLY GUEST STARS, JAMES CORDEN. BILL NIGHY.
I ALSO STAND BY MY THEORY ABOUT MOFFAT PLOTS. ALSO CAN WE DITCH THE DALEKS/CYBERMEN ARE THE ONLY VILLAINS THING PLEASE?
MOFFAT JUST WANTS THIS WHOLE SHOW TO BE AN ACTION MOVIE.
BECAUSE HELLO THE PROMO I FELT WAS RIPPING OFF OF 'LEGENDS OF THE FALL,' 'INDIANA JONES,' AND 'STAR WARS.' But I'm totally on board Eleven/Amy. I want them to make out and be cute.