「alone together」
「alone together」
For shiroi_lace, lovelysilver19 and jrocking_fool
(and for everyone else that might feel the need to read it)
because I know no other way of offering comfort.
the sky seemed torn into stripes, and liquid all the same. blue, and not blue. clouds white, and un-white. the colour was the one that cannot be described. maybe, phthalo blue and lightest grey comforming to a shape of oddity - the strangest colour the sky made in hours of premature dawn - that colour that was nor the shade of night nor the gradation of day.
the sky hung in the air, keeping to itself, its mellow hands only creeping along rooftops and stroking with gentlest of touches. its surreal colour was about to stay that way, impossible to define, for only a short while. if someone wanted to see it, they would have to be awake or awaken at the ungodly time between the fourth and fifth hour after midnight.
the sky looked particularly pictoresque from a certain rooftop that lay flat atop an uninteresting residential building that was grey and did not in any way show what kind of inhabitants it hid.
he sat slumped against the railing. a too large winter jacket partially hid his face that swam in shadows of the incoming morning.
in his eyes flickered a silence that was out of this world. no movement came from his frozen form. he could have equally been dead, or sleeping. then the wind came swiping and through its wings the soft of his covers fell removed to the side. his eyes that were almost black were in fact open and watching - observing the morn slipping through the clouds into the sleeping city.
nothing from outside showed the tempest that played inside. to him, his warm jacket seemed like a shield from both. what went on inside was not to be released out, and nothing was to enter the silence of the inner sanctum. swirling from lands unknown, though, the wind came and shuddered the material off his shoulder. he shivered, the feeling of awakened state brisk in his veins. as if led by the very force of wind, he stood, and the railing was his support. eyes that seemed still to be sleeping flickered to the gradation of light on the horizon. uncovered and cold, he walked over to the other side.
words like lonesome, support, and curiosity came to his mind and stayed there. he stared into the birth of sun. he wondered if anyone knew he was there. he questioned the world and the essence of existence. bare thoughts travelled through his mind, determined at getting nowhere. he felt plastic and not alive. the first rays of light felt like blinding deathrays.
words like reason, fear and enmity rolled on his tongue and he felt like crushing them or swallowing them in their start. but no, he let them be born and they flew into the cold air around him. he heard a squeak behind him and a flutter of wings. a swipe of terrain with his eyes brought forth a small black bird caught into the iron net that circled the staircase leading down. he observed its struggle and thought he had found something truly precious. a few gentle touches and presses later, the bird flew into the sun.
words like need, understanding and want seeped through his fingers and down to the earth. in a sudden bout of comprehension, he smiled. the city around represented a new value, and sun was a new concept, and he himself was something newborn. he realized that the world was sad, and because it was sad, he needed to be happy. and he realized that the world knew he was sad, and it wished him to be happy.
words like comfort, exhilarating and choose got stuck and plastered over his smile. he turned and turned and all he saw was a world that needed him so badly that it would die without him. what he saw was also a world that didn't need him at all and could manage on its own quite fine. he saw a choice in this matter and it made him grasp the railing and laugh with the resounding echo of a child.
like a tangible string, he saw the line of trust between the world and him, as if a bond that was broken now stood strong connecting them. the world was self-sufficient, and it didn't need him, and he laughed. i am here, because i want to be here, he thought, and the fact was more than he had ever achieved. he didn't want to be called to belong, he wanted to feel that he belonged right away. he thought, no one can take the freedom of me away, not even i.
the trust that was created that day never broke. in this life or another, in this reality or another, the string is stronger than diamonds. in that exhilarating morning, when the colour of sky was no longer surreal and the surroundings were as clear as light, he climbed over the railing and spread his arms wide. as wings, they carried him, down, down, down. the air whistled all around and he wasn't scared, because he knew, that the world would catch him.
_____________________
i suppose this may not actually be any comfort, but merely something interesting, or not even that. but i tried. i may think in weird ways, but for me, this is something that would make me smile. i want to make you smile, too. -squishes all three of you-
note: jumping from rooftops is merely for metaphorical purposes :)