(no subject)
Our little paradise has ended
It was low light, sometimes candles, sometimes my mom's antique night light.
It was cold nights and warm bodies
Keeping each other safe and warm
It was a new body we had to grow to love in the bed
and we did. You did.
It makes me so happy to look at those pictures of you moving closer and closer to him and finally that last one where he's naked and you're in his arms.
For so brief a time.
He got the gift of knowing you, if not my grandma.
I miss the warm weight of you. The box of your ashes is the same general size as you and I hugged it.
So similar in size. But I couldn't feel your warmth. Won't, I guess, ever again.
He says it a rebuilding, of letting the love of the new kitten that fell into my open arms in. That god is not tearing me down but giving me new love.
I'm still sitting in the low lamplight. In the cold, made less by the love of you.
I still want our old paradise. No matter how beautiful all other paradises may be.