calm like a bomb
i have work at 10. cant sleep. maybe ill just stay up and then sleep when i get home. i slept from 9:30 last night to 10:30 this morning. felt good. i think ill recap my day. woke up. hit the gym with phildoze and got pretty swoll. moses was there being buff. met up with danny and heri at the beach. the water felt pretty warm. dead bird. heri went to work. we went to taco bell. cody bowen came. he's got some crazy infection. he said he'll be fine but its still scary. we all went to see the dark night again. it was sick. some guy had his feet by my head while his grandmother was coughing up her insides. that was sick too but not in a good way. we made jokes about it after. came home. chilled a while. went to toppers with cody, phil, danny, moses and juan. juan didnt say anything though it was kinda weird. came home again and watched blood in blood out. long ass movie. since then ive been laying in bed not sleeping. twins had facial reconstructive surgery today because they didnt want to be twins anymore. thats gonna be really weird. i dont know whatever. life is pretty crazy. warriors are back on tour. that sucks. time here for us stops for them while theyre gone but their own lives continue. i think thats how people grow apart. when youre always around someone or a group then you grow together and keep up with each other until you seperate. then you have your own experiences and personal growth and they have their own. once you get back you think youre still dealing with the same person but in reality they could be a completely different person. i guess thats why i dont really keep impressions of people. theres no point because everyone is constantly changing. its easier just to try and get to know a person for who they really are. thats the one thing thatll never really change. a person's life can completely change around them but thats all it is is a change around them not a change of their character inside. anyway. lory jammed to europe yesterday. that kinda blows. school starts again august 18th. im gonna be mobbed with work. good thing im a genius. i still dont know where im gonna go. im not sure if i want to take off far like i planned. i dont think its the fear of losing touch with people thats getting to me because i know ill be back eventually and im pretty sure everyone will still be here. what bugs me is that i wont be able to see the people that i see on a daily basis that much. someone last night brought up that another person said we all take hanging out for granted. its pretty damn true. seeing everyone so much has become so routine that i dont think ill be able to appreciate the friendships i have until the day i wake up and cant see anybody. how fucked up is that? pretty fucked up. i still dont know what im doing with my life. im going to school to major in nutrition. dietetics if you wanna sound like a douche about it. i know that thats what im going to study but the only reason is so that i cant get some job thatll interest me. i dont know what it is but i have this feeling deep inside of me like im doing nothing with my life. i feel like im not supposed to be doing any of this typical stuff like going to school so i can get a good job and house with a white picket fence. im just doing it to pass the time until i figure out what it is that im here to do. it makes sense because as comfortable as all the american dream bullshit sounds thats exactly what it is. the most successful brainwash thats ever taken place. you need to go to college, get a job, get a house, marry some babe, have some kids, get a dog, and work a 9 to 5 job until youre too fucked up to appreciate life. everyones doing it in one form or another. the only people that matter or ever make a difference are the individuals. those people that say fuck you im not living this way. the problem with that is that its too risky to be an individual nowadays. you need to take part in the machine in order to survive and have your basic needs for living. its so hard that nobody tries. almost everyone you meet can be described as fitting into some type of mold or category. individuality is a dying idea. luckily when the right individual comes along it only takes one to make a difference. imagine if everyone tried being their own person instead of trying to look or act like someone else. truth is we would live in a completely different world. imagine.