--Tuesday-- Or maybe I can blame the near heat exhaustion I got walking 5 miles to school in the sun
Sometimes I do really awkward, retarded things because of social/interpersonal anxiety. Take what I did at the financial aid counter earlier:
Lady: [to guy] On the 14th.
Me: [after guy leaves, to lady] Was he asking about the next dispersement?
Lady: Um no, he was asking about a workshop.
Me: Oh...Um I was wondering about
Lady: Can I see your student ID?
Me: [fumbling about for it] Umm. I was just wondering if it's coming out in August.
Lady: Do you mean the one for summer?
Me: No, for fall.
Lady: August 24th I think.
Me: Okay thanks, that's all I wanted to know.
The above scene makes me look like a creepy stalker who doesn't even go to this school. What was actually going on in my head was that, when the lady said "the 14th" to the departing guy, maybe she meant that the next disbursement was due August 14th. And if I just asked the exact same question afterwards, I would look like an inattentive retard. So the awkward question that popped out of my mouth was some lame attempt to save face, in case I hadn't been as attentive as I should have and was about to have someone crawl up my ass for my error.
Which I realize makes no rational sense, but that's how it fell out in my mind in a split second.
Many things could be said of this, particularly of a relationship that ended two years ago where I was always on edge and on guard, never knowing when I'd be snarled at and chewed out, and sometimes, in advance of trying to avoid that happening, would do something that would inspire the person to do just what I'd been trying in terror to avoid. If one encounters enough irrational bullshit, one not only comes to expect it but can grow irrational.
I hate moments like this. Usually I'm so composed and charming, and/or wearing a death stare. =(
Lady: [to guy] On the 14th.
Me: [after guy leaves, to lady] Was he asking about the next dispersement?
Lady: Um no, he was asking about a workshop.
Me: Oh...Um I was wondering about
Lady: Can I see your student ID?
Me: [fumbling about for it] Umm. I was just wondering if it's coming out in August.
Lady: Do you mean the one for summer?
Me: No, for fall.
Lady: August 24th I think.
Me: Okay thanks, that's all I wanted to know.
The above scene makes me look like a creepy stalker who doesn't even go to this school. What was actually going on in my head was that, when the lady said "the 14th" to the departing guy, maybe she meant that the next disbursement was due August 14th. And if I just asked the exact same question afterwards, I would look like an inattentive retard. So the awkward question that popped out of my mouth was some lame attempt to save face, in case I hadn't been as attentive as I should have and was about to have someone crawl up my ass for my error.
Which I realize makes no rational sense, but that's how it fell out in my mind in a split second.
Many things could be said of this, particularly of a relationship that ended two years ago where I was always on edge and on guard, never knowing when I'd be snarled at and chewed out, and sometimes, in advance of trying to avoid that happening, would do something that would inspire the person to do just what I'd been trying in terror to avoid. If one encounters enough irrational bullshit, one not only comes to expect it but can grow irrational.
I hate moments like this. Usually I'm so composed and charming, and/or wearing a death stare. =(