A Raya to Remember
Yesterday, we came out of the supermarket with a loaf of bread and a bar of chocolate. I asked the tyke to hold the plastic bag cos my hands were full. Halfway home...
S: Mummy, I tired. Can you hold the bag please?
Me: I'm carrying so many things. It's your chocolate... If you want me to hold it, I will eat the chocolate ok?
S: Dadddddyyyy... hold the bag pleaseeee...
D: What did Mummy say? If you don't want to hold it, you don't get to eat the chocolate ok?
After a moment's silence she hands me the bag...
S: Here.. take..
Me: Fine, no chocolate for you.
She nods with a grin and I take the bag from her. But what do I see? The chocolate bar in her hands!!!! I was left with just bread! I got outwitted! Shah started laughing his head off at me while the tyke walked ahead with nary a care in the world cos she's got chocolate in her hands. Tsk!
♥
If you've seen my FB photos, you'd know that Hari Raya this year was a blast by my standards. Both Shah and I had many apprehensions about staying overnight at my half-aunt's place in some remote village outside of Johor on the eve of Hari Raya with my extended family. With 3 siblings, their respective spouses, 12 kids, 2 spouses and 5 grandchildren in tow joining my half-aunt AND her extended family (children, in laws and grandchildren), it was a clan gathering to remember. When my mom first told me about her plan, I was itching to follow cos I knew it would undoubtedly be fun cos our family gatherings are always noisy, exuberant and lively. Plus, how often do we get to gather everyone around right? Luckily for me, Shah agreed to be dragged along to our family reunion (I love you my husband for going along with my whims!). We worried about finicky things like - what can we do?, (we sat around, ate, gossiped, walked around the village, took many photos and enjoyed the peace and quiet of kampung life) is there space for us all?, (enough to fit in 20 more cows) where would we sleep?, (on the floor, in a row and we brought our own pillows), would it be clean?, (we came back healthy and without a hiccup), will it be warm there?, (it was Perth-autumny cold at night). I know, we are so Singaporean, used to our technology and material comforts... I irritate myself sometimes.
On D-Day morning, we picked up my SIL from the hospital back home. She had given birth 2 days earlier and we lolled around the new parents place before setting off for Sedenak with my sisters. The rest of the brood had left just after sunrise and reached their destination at 9am. We planned to go in the arvo cos we didn't want to be left idling or as Shah puts it "twiddling my balls". We reached Layang-layang just after 4pm and we were met at the toll checkpoint by my uncle who led us back to his place through winding green country road. The house was abuzz with activity. The womenfolk were cleaning chicken, some were weaving and filling ketupat while the menfolk... "supervised". Hmmph...
In the end, all our reservations were washed away as the eve of Raya was like nothing we ever celebrated in Singapore. After we broke fast for the final time, my husband, my male cousins and the kampung boys led the merriment by setting off ear-splitting firecrackers. The other (not so brave) kids played with pretty sparklers while some of the neighbours set off fireworks which adorned the night sky. It was brilliant! One of my cousins remarked that it was so noisy during his prayers that it felt like praying during wartime! LOL! As the night wound down, we heard the odd firecracker being set off from time to time. The boys in one corner talked about bikes, fishing and other "manly" pursuits while one of my aunt's scrounged around the kitchen looking for supper. My middle sister and me chanced upon her devouring the leftover sambal crabs and we just had to join in! Stomachs full, weather cool and my very own pillow waiting for me, I retired for the night beside my tyke who had zonked out hours before while Shah and my sisters apparently took a walk round the neighbourhood at 1am.
The next morning, after the menfolk had headed to the mosque for the Hari Raya prayers and a hearty brekky of ketupat, chicken curry, satay, sambal goreng and other rich lemak dishes, Shah and I bade our farewell to the rest to visit his parents next. But not before our tradition of kneeling down before our elders, kissing their hands and asking for forgiveness. My experience is that when asking for forgiveness from the older womenfolk, firstly, tears will flow freely, declarations of love, words of gratitude, encouragement and advise are said and are then concluded with hugs and kisses while with the older menfolk, its more of them looking uncomfortable and ill at ease while you give your heartfelt speech. LOL!
This is what I love most about our tradition and culture. The festive season is a time for families to strengthen and rekindle their ties because family ties are held in high regard. I cannot ever imagine any of my cousins, sisters and myself planning to go on holiday during Hari Raya just to get away from it all. I hope our family relations will never come to that state.
Despite all the warm and fuzzy feelings going on down this branch of the family, I really could make do without the family politicking/sulking/snubbing/squabbling that's been going on in other parts of the family tree. A Malay saying (roughly translated) goes - "the world says go, the grave says come" - so I wish those involved in all the various family dramas would act their age, wisen up and realise that they are all being silly! It seems contradictory to say that we place high regard on family ties and everything is la-di-da but on the other hand, some people are choosing to forsake family for the sake of pride and ego. Yes, I realise some hurtful words were said, some acts questionable and some accusations unfounded and there is no way of turning back the clock but I do wish for normalcy to be restored. What my mom said is true - its easier to fight than to make up so it's going to take a drama of epic proportions for that to happen. When will that be? God knows. I guess the older you grow, the more sensitive you get and when people are ruled by their hearts, normal sensibilities are chucked out the window. What I don't understand is, how one can fault the other for snubbing the rest of the siblings when the fight is between these 2 and yet, the former can do the same to someone else. Your fight is with her alone and then the rest of the siblings get snubbed too through no fault of their own! GGGRRRRR!!!
Sometimes, I feel caught in between by the antics of these older folks but I reckon its their generation's fight, not mine. I somehow think there's an unspoken understanding among us, the 2nd generation, that we won't let those who are waging war affect our relationships. They are people I am especially fond of and to be sucked out of that circle would be quite devastating to me. For now, my wish is for everyone to remain close and warm and for relationships to be repaired. So old still want to fight? Please lah...
S: Mummy, I tired. Can you hold the bag please?
Me: I'm carrying so many things. It's your chocolate... If you want me to hold it, I will eat the chocolate ok?
S: Dadddddyyyy... hold the bag pleaseeee...
D: What did Mummy say? If you don't want to hold it, you don't get to eat the chocolate ok?
After a moment's silence she hands me the bag...
S: Here.. take..
Me: Fine, no chocolate for you.
She nods with a grin and I take the bag from her. But what do I see? The chocolate bar in her hands!!!! I was left with just bread! I got outwitted! Shah started laughing his head off at me while the tyke walked ahead with nary a care in the world cos she's got chocolate in her hands. Tsk!
♥
If you've seen my FB photos, you'd know that Hari Raya this year was a blast by my standards. Both Shah and I had many apprehensions about staying overnight at my half-aunt's place in some remote village outside of Johor on the eve of Hari Raya with my extended family. With 3 siblings, their respective spouses, 12 kids, 2 spouses and 5 grandchildren in tow joining my half-aunt AND her extended family (children, in laws and grandchildren), it was a clan gathering to remember. When my mom first told me about her plan, I was itching to follow cos I knew it would undoubtedly be fun cos our family gatherings are always noisy, exuberant and lively. Plus, how often do we get to gather everyone around right? Luckily for me, Shah agreed to be dragged along to our family reunion (I love you my husband for going along with my whims!). We worried about finicky things like - what can we do?, (we sat around, ate, gossiped, walked around the village, took many photos and enjoyed the peace and quiet of kampung life) is there space for us all?, (enough to fit in 20 more cows) where would we sleep?, (on the floor, in a row and we brought our own pillows), would it be clean?, (we came back healthy and without a hiccup), will it be warm there?, (it was Perth-autumny cold at night). I know, we are so Singaporean, used to our technology and material comforts... I irritate myself sometimes.
On D-Day morning, we picked up my SIL from the hospital back home. She had given birth 2 days earlier and we lolled around the new parents place before setting off for Sedenak with my sisters. The rest of the brood had left just after sunrise and reached their destination at 9am. We planned to go in the arvo cos we didn't want to be left idling or as Shah puts it "twiddling my balls". We reached Layang-layang just after 4pm and we were met at the toll checkpoint by my uncle who led us back to his place through winding green country road. The house was abuzz with activity. The womenfolk were cleaning chicken, some were weaving and filling ketupat while the menfolk... "supervised". Hmmph...
In the end, all our reservations were washed away as the eve of Raya was like nothing we ever celebrated in Singapore. After we broke fast for the final time, my husband, my male cousins and the kampung boys led the merriment by setting off ear-splitting firecrackers. The other (not so brave) kids played with pretty sparklers while some of the neighbours set off fireworks which adorned the night sky. It was brilliant! One of my cousins remarked that it was so noisy during his prayers that it felt like praying during wartime! LOL! As the night wound down, we heard the odd firecracker being set off from time to time. The boys in one corner talked about bikes, fishing and other "manly" pursuits while one of my aunt's scrounged around the kitchen looking for supper. My middle sister and me chanced upon her devouring the leftover sambal crabs and we just had to join in! Stomachs full, weather cool and my very own pillow waiting for me, I retired for the night beside my tyke who had zonked out hours before while Shah and my sisters apparently took a walk round the neighbourhood at 1am.
The next morning, after the menfolk had headed to the mosque for the Hari Raya prayers and a hearty brekky of ketupat, chicken curry, satay, sambal goreng and other rich lemak dishes, Shah and I bade our farewell to the rest to visit his parents next. But not before our tradition of kneeling down before our elders, kissing their hands and asking for forgiveness. My experience is that when asking for forgiveness from the older womenfolk, firstly, tears will flow freely, declarations of love, words of gratitude, encouragement and advise are said and are then concluded with hugs and kisses while with the older menfolk, its more of them looking uncomfortable and ill at ease while you give your heartfelt speech. LOL!
This is what I love most about our tradition and culture. The festive season is a time for families to strengthen and rekindle their ties because family ties are held in high regard. I cannot ever imagine any of my cousins, sisters and myself planning to go on holiday during Hari Raya just to get away from it all. I hope our family relations will never come to that state.
Despite all the warm and fuzzy feelings going on down this branch of the family, I really could make do without the family politicking/sulking/snubbing/squabbling that's been going on in other parts of the family tree. A Malay saying (roughly translated) goes - "the world says go, the grave says come" - so I wish those involved in all the various family dramas would act their age, wisen up and realise that they are all being silly! It seems contradictory to say that we place high regard on family ties and everything is la-di-da but on the other hand, some people are choosing to forsake family for the sake of pride and ego. Yes, I realise some hurtful words were said, some acts questionable and some accusations unfounded and there is no way of turning back the clock but I do wish for normalcy to be restored. What my mom said is true - its easier to fight than to make up so it's going to take a drama of epic proportions for that to happen. When will that be? God knows. I guess the older you grow, the more sensitive you get and when people are ruled by their hearts, normal sensibilities are chucked out the window. What I don't understand is, how one can fault the other for snubbing the rest of the siblings when the fight is between these 2 and yet, the former can do the same to someone else. Your fight is with her alone and then the rest of the siblings get snubbed too through no fault of their own! GGGRRRRR!!!
Sometimes, I feel caught in between by the antics of these older folks but I reckon its their generation's fight, not mine. I somehow think there's an unspoken understanding among us, the 2nd generation, that we won't let those who are waging war affect our relationships. They are people I am especially fond of and to be sucked out of that circle would be quite devastating to me. For now, my wish is for everyone to remain close and warm and for relationships to be repaired. So old still want to fight? Please lah...