Stuck in Santa Clara
I just wrote an entry over on my big-kid blog. I know, lots of things have been written about the pope, and you're sick of it, but if Jesus can be resurrected, then maybe I can beat some life back into this horse and give a new perspective on the whole thing.
Anyway, I'm stuck in a hotel in Santa Clara. I'm out here for a conference. I'm essentially bored out of my mind, so I started thinking about a pen name. Some of the stuff I write is political and serious, but for the funny stuff I try to write, I think what I'm missing is a name that convinces people it's okay to laugh at what they're reading.
Thankfully, the world has such a name: Dave. Dave Eggers, David Sedaris and Dave Berry all figured this out. You may not know this, but Mark Twain was born simply, "Big Dave." I've always thought I'd make a good Dave. Daves are generally more attractive than I am, and I think some good looks could really put me over the top -- you know, with the ladies. Daves don't have to worry about finding a jacket that doesn't look silly on them, or crazy tall-guy pants with immeasurably slim waistbands, because a typical Dave is exactly average in build. Dave doesn't need glasses, either. You see, Dave has superior genetics. One of those genes is humor writing, and the world recognizes that.
The obvious pick for maximum Davitude, would of course be "Dave Davidson," but I think that's a little too obvious. My mother decided that my first name could be a misspelled throw-away if I had an important middle name, so that I could go by "K. Branson" when I became a lawyer, or some other professional whose profession demanded a lofty name. With this in mind, I have my eye on "Daniel Avid Peterson."
Once again, a letter from the future:Attention Misters Simon and Schuster:
I must thank you once again for this generous advance on my next book, Shit That Happened To Me, And The Dumb Shit I Said About It. This should allow me to feed my methamphetamine habit, and I look forward to finishing and submitting the manuscript for I Pushed Keys Methodically For Thirty-Six Hours Without Realizing That I Was Doing It, And Now You're Reading The Results, which is admittedly not as good as my previous works. Still, it contains a very balanced ratio of letters, which may be a good selling point.
Once again, thank you for believing in my name, no matter what crazy bullshit spews from my fingers.
Sincerely,
D. Avid Peterson
Yeah, I like that.
Anyway, I'm stuck in a hotel in Santa Clara. I'm out here for a conference. I'm essentially bored out of my mind, so I started thinking about a pen name. Some of the stuff I write is political and serious, but for the funny stuff I try to write, I think what I'm missing is a name that convinces people it's okay to laugh at what they're reading.
Thankfully, the world has such a name: Dave. Dave Eggers, David Sedaris and Dave Berry all figured this out. You may not know this, but Mark Twain was born simply, "Big Dave." I've always thought I'd make a good Dave. Daves are generally more attractive than I am, and I think some good looks could really put me over the top -- you know, with the ladies. Daves don't have to worry about finding a jacket that doesn't look silly on them, or crazy tall-guy pants with immeasurably slim waistbands, because a typical Dave is exactly average in build. Dave doesn't need glasses, either. You see, Dave has superior genetics. One of those genes is humor writing, and the world recognizes that.
The obvious pick for maximum Davitude, would of course be "Dave Davidson," but I think that's a little too obvious. My mother decided that my first name could be a misspelled throw-away if I had an important middle name, so that I could go by "K. Branson" when I became a lawyer, or some other professional whose profession demanded a lofty name. With this in mind, I have my eye on "Daniel Avid Peterson."
Once again, a letter from the future:Attention Misters Simon and Schuster:
I must thank you once again for this generous advance on my next book, Shit That Happened To Me, And The Dumb Shit I Said About It. This should allow me to feed my methamphetamine habit, and I look forward to finishing and submitting the manuscript for I Pushed Keys Methodically For Thirty-Six Hours Without Realizing That I Was Doing It, And Now You're Reading The Results, which is admittedly not as good as my previous works. Still, it contains a very balanced ratio of letters, which may be a good selling point.
Once again, thank you for believing in my name, no matter what crazy bullshit spews from my fingers.
Sincerely,
D. Avid Peterson
Yeah, I like that.