And I thought I had anxiety before...

[hutstuff]

I've had episodes before for instance when i would be driving, I would all of the sudden lose my breath. I would panic and feel faint. Or in class I would feel a panic attack coming. Or even at home, i would wake up all of the sudden because I would panic for no reason. I told myself that I was having anxiety symptoms and they would pass. It's always work. Today was a different story. I was in my Business English class (around 2 p.m.) staring at my book...lost in space. I was bored out of my mind. All of the sudden I wasn't breathing. Then i felt faint even. So I was squirming around, looking at my computer, trying to take my mind off of these awful feelings. I really felt bad. The teacher let us out on break. I bought some M&M's from the vending machine and ate two. I thought my sugar had gone low. No results. I had about 30 minutes more of class and kept having the same symptoms on and off. By the time I was home I was 100% fine. Then around 6 p.m. I got terribly dizzy. I had to lay down. It didn't work. I went outside for air and looked at the sky to calm myself down. I felt worse. I made myself worse because I told myself I might have a blood clot (my grandfather died of one) and I thought this is it. I couldn't breathe. I called my dad to take me to the hospital. Johnny came too. I had to be in a wheelchair because I was so dizzy I couldn't stand. I was going crazy in the waiting room for 3 hours. I was pulling at my hair, standing up, looking around, rocking back and forth, and putting my head down most of the time. I felt like I was crazy and that I was going to die. I felt like I was on a ship in choppy waters and I couldn't get to shore. I wanted to die. I vomited twice and felt a little better. I could finally walk alone. I finally get called in. The doctor thinks I had an anxiety attack. I was given 10mg of Xanax, 4 mg of Zofran, and some pill (I forget the name) that dissolved under my tongue. I am now in the Lolliest of La La Land.
I thought I beat for years by using cognitive tools that I learned in therapy (for something else)  many years ago. But way deep inside I knew it was capable of rearing it's ugly nasty head. Tonight was it.