Hey old friend.... (kind of)
So.........
I feel like typing. I guess I miss how much I used to do this and quickly I'm realizing how long it's been because my decline in typing skills and lack of autocorrect are glaring.
I have a healthy, happy, energetic & opinionated three year old sitting next to me here at our dining room table. He's quite a personality. Most times he's good at entertaining himself but other times, he's stuck to me like glue. We're potty training now and it was certainly anything but easy to get things going. I bought his first potty when he was 1.5 years old. Just now things are really taking shape. This sticker system paired with "treats" (dark choc. chips) really has given us success at home. Anytime we're away, he's not down for it though. We'll get there I'm sure. Just like with how long it's taken us to get here, I'm sure he'll decide when he's ready to fully commit to being diaper free. Weird, people don't talk about this stuff unless you ask. When you ask, you hear exactly that advice yet you fully don't understand it until you're living it. Ugh, patience.... it's a huge virtue.
So here's my rant:
I don't love work but today was a good day. I picked up a shift today (Thursday) because I've been less than profitable on the weekends and I've recently been quick to give shifts away. Today I made $100+ in less than three hours. This is one of the main reasons I've been there so long because of surprising days like this. It's like the "you never know" hope that somehow on a dismal shift you'll make enough or more than enough for your time. And they've been flexible/accommodating since having B. Ugh.... It's like a bad relationship. Every time you have a terrible like "God AWFUL" shift, THIS IS IT! But then you see you made more than anyone truly should for that amount of time for just taking orders and dropping off food at the table. It's a terrible psychological cycle.... not to mention emotional (sometimes) but evidently I do a pretty good job at masking that too
Home is good. Mostly it's like a "go through the routine and get everything done" but not entirely bothersome. I'm seeing that I like my alone time and even "single parent" time more and more. I'm starting to wonder if this is healthy and/or normal. I like to know when he's coming home and when he has to leave next. Maybe just so I can plan my day but honestly, I like not feeling second rate to his thoughts or his phone. I can tell he's "busy" even when he's here. Most of the time it's with his phone- texting or checking stuff constantly. If "I let him", he'll work on his website/s for an hour or more and almost seems happier after doing so. I know it's for the benefit of growing his business but sometimes I feel like he's more focused on that than truly investing in family time. I get that just sitting on the couch watching TV together seems mindless but it's something different when you can share in the moment and go over what just happened together during the commercial breaks. He's leaving the week after next for a "business growing" trip to TX for the first time ever. Another supposed trip with his business partner (female) is due for later this summer. I'm not worried about anything between them, just that they have such different personality things in some areas and that I know how much he can "cut loose" while he's away. I just hope that he takes care of himself and that he makes these trips a great benefit that they can be.
No fights really between us this year either which is super nice. That saying about the first year of marriage is the hardest, just might be true. We fought some intense, serious fights then. Fewer and fewer as the years have passed. Today was the first time he seemed "disappointed" that I had my period... not just for banging purposes (it's been a while lol) but what seemed to me that maybe he had his hopes up just this time that maybe #2 was a go.... We've been "trying" since Jan by just not preventing... It's probably my lack of sexual desire that we haven't been successful yet. B took a while (looking back) but at the time I thought there was likely some impediment. Who knows... the longer it takes, the more I'm concerned about the age gap for B and whoever but I'm more than sure things will happen as they should. If this is what I really want to make happen I should probably loose some weight, drink less, eat more, sleep more and overall just take more steps to take care of myself better. Seems easy but it's evidently easier to just fall into your own routine and still get every "house chore/work requirement" met rather than treat yourself like an important piece of the puzzle.
Well, I hope that I write more. I guess it's part of feeling like I use my brain more than just memorizing table orders at the restaurant. It'd be nice for someone or something to recognize just how great my mind is. I guess I have to start with myself right? I feel that I have a lot to offer people, a company, or even more. It's just not being tapped yet. Here's to hoping at least this habit continues or something big happens soon. It's not at all bad, but it's definitely not healthy and satisfying now.
I feel like typing. I guess I miss how much I used to do this and quickly I'm realizing how long it's been because my decline in typing skills and lack of autocorrect are glaring.
I have a healthy, happy, energetic & opinionated three year old sitting next to me here at our dining room table. He's quite a personality. Most times he's good at entertaining himself but other times, he's stuck to me like glue. We're potty training now and it was certainly anything but easy to get things going. I bought his first potty when he was 1.5 years old. Just now things are really taking shape. This sticker system paired with "treats" (dark choc. chips) really has given us success at home. Anytime we're away, he's not down for it though. We'll get there I'm sure. Just like with how long it's taken us to get here, I'm sure he'll decide when he's ready to fully commit to being diaper free. Weird, people don't talk about this stuff unless you ask. When you ask, you hear exactly that advice yet you fully don't understand it until you're living it. Ugh, patience.... it's a huge virtue.
So here's my rant:
I don't love work but today was a good day. I picked up a shift today (Thursday) because I've been less than profitable on the weekends and I've recently been quick to give shifts away. Today I made $100+ in less than three hours. This is one of the main reasons I've been there so long because of surprising days like this. It's like the "you never know" hope that somehow on a dismal shift you'll make enough or more than enough for your time. And they've been flexible/accommodating since having B. Ugh.... It's like a bad relationship. Every time you have a terrible like "God AWFUL" shift, THIS IS IT! But then you see you made more than anyone truly should for that amount of time for just taking orders and dropping off food at the table. It's a terrible psychological cycle.... not to mention emotional (sometimes) but evidently I do a pretty good job at masking that too
Home is good. Mostly it's like a "go through the routine and get everything done" but not entirely bothersome. I'm seeing that I like my alone time and even "single parent" time more and more. I'm starting to wonder if this is healthy and/or normal. I like to know when he's coming home and when he has to leave next. Maybe just so I can plan my day but honestly, I like not feeling second rate to his thoughts or his phone. I can tell he's "busy" even when he's here. Most of the time it's with his phone- texting or checking stuff constantly. If "I let him", he'll work on his website/s for an hour or more and almost seems happier after doing so. I know it's for the benefit of growing his business but sometimes I feel like he's more focused on that than truly investing in family time. I get that just sitting on the couch watching TV together seems mindless but it's something different when you can share in the moment and go over what just happened together during the commercial breaks. He's leaving the week after next for a "business growing" trip to TX for the first time ever. Another supposed trip with his business partner (female) is due for later this summer. I'm not worried about anything between them, just that they have such different personality things in some areas and that I know how much he can "cut loose" while he's away. I just hope that he takes care of himself and that he makes these trips a great benefit that they can be.
No fights really between us this year either which is super nice. That saying about the first year of marriage is the hardest, just might be true. We fought some intense, serious fights then. Fewer and fewer as the years have passed. Today was the first time he seemed "disappointed" that I had my period... not just for banging purposes (it's been a while lol) but what seemed to me that maybe he had his hopes up just this time that maybe #2 was a go.... We've been "trying" since Jan by just not preventing... It's probably my lack of sexual desire that we haven't been successful yet. B took a while (looking back) but at the time I thought there was likely some impediment. Who knows... the longer it takes, the more I'm concerned about the age gap for B and whoever but I'm more than sure things will happen as they should. If this is what I really want to make happen I should probably loose some weight, drink less, eat more, sleep more and overall just take more steps to take care of myself better. Seems easy but it's evidently easier to just fall into your own routine and still get every "house chore/work requirement" met rather than treat yourself like an important piece of the puzzle.
Well, I hope that I write more. I guess it's part of feeling like I use my brain more than just memorizing table orders at the restaurant. It'd be nice for someone or something to recognize just how great my mind is. I guess I have to start with myself right? I feel that I have a lot to offer people, a company, or even more. It's just not being tapped yet. Here's to hoping at least this habit continues or something big happens soon. It's not at all bad, but it's definitely not healthy and satisfying now.