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huskandashes May 18 2010, 04:44:02 UTC
Suicide mission. That's what she called it. A damn suicide mission, flyin' right straight into certain death. It was one thing for Ben to hear Shepard call it that, but to hear Jack refer to it as suicide?

That's when he knew there was cause to worry.

Still, she's Jack. Always the one cussin', scrappin', drinkin' an' yellin' an' doin' just about every damn thing that Ben considers 'unladylike'. She may call it a suicide mission, but Ben's seen her tear her way through some suicidal shit before and come out without a damn scratch on her, so it's not so hard to convince himself that she'll be back before he knows it.

When the day comes, when she can't stay any longer, Jack gives him a look he hasn't seen before. A look that scares him. She stands and so does he, her eyes peelin' back to the door again and again even as she takes his hand and tries not to seem nervous. She looks him right in the eye, no playin' and no games, and says just about the scariest thing he could ever imagine hearin' at that particular moment.

"Don't wait for me."

And before he can say a damn word she's kissin' him, and before he can react to that she's out the door, and then Ben is left there alone with a lump in his gut and nothin' to do but wait.

So he waits.

He can't be sure how long he waits, seein' as time in Milliways isn't always a reliable thing. Days, for sure. Maybe a week, or maybe two. Half the time he drags himself to bed at last, and the rest of the time he just falls asleep at his table, wakin' up every time the door opens and dozin' off again when it's never her.

After a while, he don't know how long, the door opens and someone familiar walks through. Ben straightens real fast when he sees her, crackin' a smile for the first time in god knows how long, but it doesn't last. The door closes behind Shepard, and she's alone, and he don't understand at first but Shepard comes over his away and when he sees her face, Ben knows.

He stops listening even before she can begin. He catches little bits and pieces ("...can't just stay here, Ben..."), and he hears Jack's name a lot, but it doesn't matter. He doesn't want to hear what she has to say. He flags down a rat for another beer, and waits for her to leave.

He doesn't react when Shepard slams her fist on the table, doesn't listen when she yells at him with tears in her eyes. He pretends not to understand the guilt in her voice, or the way she seems to be carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. And when she finally leaves, when she finally gives up, Ben doesn't move a muscle.

He isn't there anymore. He's already watching the door again, waiting for it to open, waiting for her to come back. Doesn't matter if it's a day, a month, a year. He can wait. He can sit there, beer in hand, as long as it takes. And when she finally comes back, he'll be there, just like when she left, not a muscle moved. She'll yell at him for not listening, she'll probably give him a smack to the head, but it'll be worth it. He knows she didn't mean it. He knows she wouldn't want him to give up. He knows that when she walks through that door all of this will have been for somethin'. Until then...well, until then he'll do the only thing he can do.

He'll wait.

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