(no subject)
At school. Now that I have first peroid study hall. What a pain.
My P.E. teacher failed me, becuase I was absent and couldnt participate when I was there, because of mono. Now tell me, am I right when I say that when you bring a doctors note to school, the doctor faxes the school, AND calls the nurse, secretary, and P.E. teacher, that all absences are excused and that she cant fail me. This is what she said. "You havent done enough this quarter, so you're going to fail anyway." Bitch bitch mother effing bitch. I am NOT taking it next year. I'll be stuck with a bunch of the annoying little coming-up freshmen. Ew.
I'm tired. Exhausted. Mentally and physically. Everyday I feel like I've hit the breaking point. I can't think about certain things without breaking down and crying. I don't really understand it. I know there are so many things bothering me, but I've tried so hard not to let these things really get to me, and I've failed miserably. I know some people say "hey she should be happy, she's got a whole bunch of awesome people in her life, shes got a job and shes making money. she has somewhat of a social life". stop there. none of those things really matter to me.
my family life sucks. sometimes. I basically get along with my mom most of the time, but when she finds something to bitch about, she will and it gets bad. this morning for example. she got wicked pissed at me for having my dad take me to school, even though he offered. and i got really annoyed and i slammed the bathroom door and yelled "i really wish you wouldnt bitch" (wow i just realized that rhymed). anyway, she thinks I called her a bitch and she replies "excuse me young lady, did you just call me a bitch?" i told her no, she disagreed, it went back and forth and finally i was like "okay mom, you want it? you got it. YOURE A BITCH" and yes. I felt bad. But things like that really screw me up. I swear I just wanted to sit down and bawl my eyes out. Same goes for my sister. Unless I'm doing something for her, I'm an annoying little sister that gets nothing but bitching and complaining from her older sister. I hate how I'm treated. It seems like my dad is the only one who treats me well, like a human being, part of the family, EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY. And its great... I just wish my sister and mum would too.
I've been told by an awesome friend of mine that I shouldnt even focus on guys and relationship crap. Okay maybe its true, I shouldnt let crap like that get to me, but it really does. I feel the need to physically be with someone alot. Not in a sexual way or boyfriendy-girlfriendy thing. Just someone being there. Cause I feel alone alot. And I shouldnt feel that way either. So much shit just bothering me with guys.
I dont get it. I can be so happy, and then ONE little thing sets me off.
Anxiety.
I don't understand why I am the way I am. Actually, I havent always been like this. Let me rephrase that. I dont understand why I've been the way I've been lately. Past 3 or 4 months. Total chaos. I used to feel like I could take anything thrown at me, but I can't anymore. I fall at the thought of anymore weight put on me. Gah.
I cant even go to work sometimes. I used to LOVE work. Now I just cant get myself to enjoy it or even want to go. Why? I have no idea. Its not like anything happens there that really affects me. I'd just rather be at home sleeping or reading or writing or listening to music. or crying.
Wow, I really needed to do this this morning. Going through the whole day just thinking about it. School sucks. Can't really talk to anyone here. I mean, I'm not saying theres no one I can talk to or that I cant trust. It's just being at school. Can't be vulnerable and honest and whatever here. No time to do that anyway. If I want to sit down and talk to someone, its not going to happen here at school.
Thank you LJ. [Heh]
Hopefully my weekend will be good. And good things will happen. So I wont be so a;flhasr;oiweyrqwopiry09r;alksfhsa;akjsf0298qsa'cvn;ajh@!!!$@#^#&^* @#@!$! all the time. meh.
Like always, I will work though.
[[yAwN]]
Where's Bradley today?