Everything fucking sucks..
I dont know what to do anymore.
I just got into a huge fight with my mom and Moose...
Everything is becoming so hard for me to handle.
I friggan cry every damn day...and nothing is how it should be.
Work makes it so i have basically no life. But its fun...
My birthday was amazing...except i couldnt spend it with Gerald.
But Mel came down...and her gift made me tired.
Emma, thank you for decorating my car, and my amazing card.
And thank you everyone for remembering, it made me feel nice.
I think that was the one good day of the past few weeks...
Besides the seeing Gerald parts.
So today blew.
I went to work and i got stuck with the shittiest job ever.
They cut peoples hours...and Kira did shit.
Matt is an idiot and does everything wrong...but yet he gets 32 hours.
Kira down NOTHING and gets 7 hours. So whats the point of her?
I dont friggan know but its fucking stupid there right now.
I got yelled at by Kevin again...
When i got home, i got yelled at for taking the dog somewhere.
Cause no one thinks i can handle ANYTHING on my own.
Then, my mom brought up Saturday.
Im supposed to be going hiking with Gerald and his Moms.
But my mom consistantly decides to make me feel like crap about myself.
She told me flat out that i might aswell move there.
And if Mel and Tracey would let me, i would seriously consider it.
There's nothing for me here right now...besides my friends, but thats a given.
I feel like i have no family anymore.
Both sides obviously dont like my existance.
I feel like this huge inconvenience to everyone.
It never stops...i keep hoping it gets better but it NEVER does.
Something has to make me constantly miserable.
So thank you...really. Look at me now, im a complete mess.
I cant even control my tears anymore. I fucking burst out in class...
I become too lazy to do homework due to my burning eyes.
I skip classes.
I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK ANYONE WANTS FROM ME!
I know this is all complaining but i seriously dont know whats going on anymore.
This isnt something i need help with, its something im trying to deal with.
With school, work, boyfriend living forever away, dad and i currently going seperate ways, my mom and i constantly fighting...no contact with any of my friends anymore.
I just have nothing right now.
I know im dwelling, but it seems thats the only thing i can do.
I mean, what am i supposed to be happy about?
Im happy i have a job, but im not happy that i dont get treated fairly.
Im happy i have a boyfriend that cares about me, but i only get to see him once a week. Or less.
Im happy i actually have a family, but not when they do nothing but make me feel like crap.
Im happy i have friends, but we dont talk anymore.
Is this the senior year that everyone waits for?
Because to be completely honest, it fucking sucks.
ROYALLY BLOWS.
Im a complete mess. No, i dont need help from anyone.