(no subject)
well i've been thinking alot. ya i know suprise! me think? you kidding me...lol welll anyways. i think i've figured out what the hell's been bothering me. it may sound awarkd and childish but i couldnt give a flying fuck. i want a guy that i can call my dad. the man that is suppose to be my dad, isnt one. he's left me so many times and now he's trying to make up for it. its been to long. he's told to many lies and done to much shit. i've thought about it more and more each day. i think thats why it is so hard for me to open up to someone. i'm just afarid of getting hurt again. i've been hurt way to many times. starting with "my dad". how could you do that to me and my brother? just leave and think you can come back whenever you please. you may have my brother fooled but not me. i dont think u honestly did ever see us as your kids. you just saw us as the kids u see every once in a while. i'm sick of waiting for you to come back. all you can do is apologize. i'm so sick of hearing your lame excuses and your stupid apologizes. i dont need them anymore. and honestly i dont need you. i thought i wanted to be able to actually be proud and call you my dad. but theres nothing to be proud of with you. there never was and there never will be. so go on and live your life with your new family, let them take over my spot in your heart, and just leave me here sitting in the dust while i try to figure out what i did wrong..............