home sick/snow day
well im just getting out of bed and let me tell you this...its been one fucked up vacation! ive been sick all of vaka and its horrible. first i lost my voice for 3 days. then i got the stuffy nose and stomach bug. then i got the cough and its just going down hill from there. i havent done any homework and i dont plan on doing so. states were great...well friday night was and then saturday was horrible...friday night we went out as a team around 1030 for pizza and at first he was sitting with me and we were kinda close but then he moved which was ok i guess...but when we got back to our cheesy motel, things started to happen. so C and i went to their room and he was all ova the place and he was standing on the bed and i was sitting on the bed and he pushed my head more level to his croch lol and pressed it there and gave me a long hug. which was weird but funny at the same time. but then i think sum1 got jealous cus they decided to jump him and knock him away from me. then after that happened, he asked for a massage and i gave him one and then C n i had to leave b4 our head-master (lol) flipped out on us. and i gave everyone a hug goodbye and shit but then when i went to give him a hug good-bye (he was laying on the bed) we hugged and then we kissed on the lips sumhow. and he kissed me back and when C n i left, him n i lingered our hands like ppl do when they dont want to leave one another...it was kinda romantic but scary at the same time. i hate to say this but i think im falling in love with him now. and the sad thing about it is that i dont know how he feels about me and i think hes dating this girl that well...shes different. i guess all the guys talked about me for a little while after we all left and went to our room, and i guess he admitted to kissing me back and he didnt know how to explain what really happened and he said he thinks it was just a friend kiss. and i guess he also said he was cold later on in the night and D said go find Cora and hes like ok i will...but i dont know anymore im so confused and sick of all this drama shit. i havent showered since saturday morning, brushed my teeth, changed out of my pjs, gotten out of bed, besides going to the bathroom or even aten much at all. sounds pathetic and nasty but i cant help myself. im even lucky to get online and write all of this shit. thats how low i feel right now. but one good thing came out of states. i learned that friendship is right infront of you at all time no matter if you cant see it or not. love you C and thanks for everything! and D, im glad we've gotten closer and that i can undertstand where your coming from and vise-versa. saturday night i also had a huge scene at the states. i had a huge pain go from my elbow to my shoulder and i burst out crying it sucked cus everyone was looking at me and the sad thing about it was that he never even asked if i was ok...he didnt even talk to me all fuckign day. but i really wanted to tell Travis Fellion he did a good job and give him my number so we could chill sometime but i was too busy getting carried out by Tyler and Oh'N and C. which was embarassing seeing how i couldnt even walk. i felt bad when i came through in D's car cus i membered that i squeezed the shit out of Oh'Ns hand lol sorry dude. i cried from St. Johnsburry school all the way to the interstate. yeah long ways but it hurt incredibly bad. i wanted to kill myself thats how bad it hurt dying would feel betta than the pain i was going through at the time. but i gotta go now. kinda tired and i think im going back to bed where im love the most. c ya all lata i prob not going to school tomorrow so ill ttyl love you all:-*