Booo
Alone............thats how Ive been feeling
I go to school, surrounded by people
go to work... surrounded by people
come "home", surrounded by people
I feel lost when a rare moment of free time comes along.....who do I call or talk to? I've lost faith in my so called friends and family.....despite being surrounded by people, I find myself not speaking to them unless spoken to....I desire solitude.....when I get it, I feel alone and think too much......what it all boils down to is the feeling that something major is missing....I hate the feeling.....I hate dwelling and being sad over the inevitable, but sometimes you can't help it....I hate my jobs......too stressed over school to actually enjoy it....I'm left reaching for a happiness that cannot be attained under circumstances I cannot change......I've tried, hard, and even convinced myself that I am happy a couple times.......but I've just loved the idea of being happy.....refused to accept anything less, when all the while, what do I really have? Nothing. Im writing in a journal for fuck's sake.
THis is my last semester of school for a while...I'm missing out on the world around me because of my fuck ups and determination to stay on some beaten path that has only served to deprive me of any chance at happiness.......
........all I ever wanted was you..........Good night.